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Reviews For War Stories

Name: Aphoride (Signed) · Date: 17 Sep 2017 07:18 PM · Chapter: china doll

Hey there - dropping by for our review swap! :) 

 

So I have a huge soft spot for Cho, haha, so I'm so glad you asked me to read this :P I've always felt she gets such a rough deal from a lot of HP fans, for spending a lot of time crying and struggling to deal with her grief and her emotions - which, let's face it, is possibly the most realistic portrayal of a teenager in the series, especially one in her kind of situation - and so I love seeing stories which go beyond that and actually explore her as a character, especially apart from Harry and Cedric. 

 

I wanna say that I love the way you frame this with the myth of the women warriors, how they grew and strengthened and eventually got their own personal revenge, long after they'd become their own living legends and their own heroines. It's such a great story, and it really reads exactly like a legend - that kind of triumph which doesn't really address the other side of it, the side Cho talks about at the end: where people cry and are still shattered, because getting stronger doesn't mean forgetting something or even necessarily moving past it, especially when something is so life-changing an experience. There's this kind of beautiful, sad twist to the moral of the story with Cho's addition at the end: that yes, you can get better, you can maybe get revenge, and you can become more than what you were reduced to, but that healing is long and slow, and revenge doesn't necessarily give it to you. That things in life aren't so simple as legends and myths make them out to be. It's so wise and so true, and I love how simply you slip it in - but it's so indescribably sad for Cho, who's still suffering so much and her mother, too, who doesn't really know what to do or how to help. 

 

I love the way you write Cho, too - I love how you've taken her crying, like she does so often in canon, and turned it into this awful, horrible symbol of how the war has affected her, how the whole canon events have broken her down. It's not weakness in this, it's a consequence, and it's something she can't help, and you write her with such sympathy and so much emotion, and it's so so heartbreakingly lovely.

 

The little details you added in about her and her mother and their relationship, too, were so so good: I loved the bit about how when Cho had had her first Quidditch match she'd been so happy, grinning, and how her mother kept the photo of her from that match still with her constantly. With Cho's mother struggling to understand, it really kinda brought home again just how close they had been, how much her mother loved her and how much she was struggling with finding a way to help Cho in her grief and trauma - it made their relationship more complicated than simply her mother kinda encouraging/berating her to get out of bed and be stronger, be better. And I just love that kind of nuance :P 

 

As always your writing is lovely. In this it's so so good - the style really, really suits you, and as a one-shot-type piece, this is so strong. Honestly, I think this is possibly the best thing of yours I've read - it's such a striking and emotional story, and it's so unique with the legend running through it. 

 

This was an amazing chapter - I love love loved it :) 

 

Aph xx



Name: Aphoride (Signed) · Date: 30 Aug 2017 08:26 PM · Chapter: courage

Hey there - dropping by for your review from the staff review thread! :) 

 

So I have a soft spot for Neville, because he's so real, you know? Well, all of the characters are real and realistic, really, but he's just... so normal, and there's a kind of inspiration in that, because he's an ordinary guy-turned hero, and I love that and the whole way he grows through the books. So I was super excited to see this was the next story available in the review thread and I just had to jump on it :P (Also people don't seem to write much about Neville, which I always find kinda sad, because he seems super fascinating to me)

 

I love the whole idea of this. The way that it deals with the idea of good people doing bad things, even awful and terrible things, and how it can haunt people for a long time and how fundamentally it can affect you. It's so true, and it's such a heavy topic - and one I never really thought of in the context of Neville, tbh, which makes this so interesting to me and so unique - and you deal with it so wonderfully. 

 

I love, too, how you use it to produce this beautiful character study of Neville: of his ideals and his characteristics and what he thinks of himself and what he would like himself to be, the things in his life which are important to him (his kids and Hannah and how they, particularly his kids, view him and think of him). It's so clever and so well done, and you show so many different facets of Neville in this, and it works so, so well. I think it must be kinda harder when you think you should be brave, that you're told you are brave or ought to be, because your parents and what you did, and you feel it's a lie. It's not a lie, but it's not necessarily - as he would see it - entirely true either, and it's such a difficult, horrible position to be in. 

 

Also, I think in really difficult times, when people are finding things hard and under huge amounts of stress and pressure and in almost constant fear - or even just a huge amount of fear on a one-off situation - it's surprisingly easy for people to do things they regret and wish they'd never done and perhaps wouldn't normally do. I love that Neville kinda faced this (as I imagine Harry would have done, after using the Cruciatus curse on Amycus, as well), having to try and reconcile that side of himself with what he thought of himself and the person he wants to be: kind, gentle, brave, generous. Neville seems like the last person who would do something like that, but then, I guess, when people are afraid, it's so difficult to predict what people can or will do and are capable of, you know? 

 

I gotta say, I really loved the way you talked about how people struggle to write and stuff at the beginning - how people just sit there and stare sometimes, as though if they just keep looking words will appear for them, how words don't always feel as though they're good enough or they mean enough. It's so incredibly true, and so very human - it's the kind of feeling I think everyone's felt, on whatever kind of level and about whatever type of thing, where people just can't find the words or know what to say because nothing works or says enough or says it right. You described it so beautifully and so clearly, and it really resonated with me. 

 

Honestly, I know you said you're worried about description in this, and so imma mention it specifically, but your writing is gorgeous and in this, tbh, you really didn't have too much description at all. (Though, like, I always include too much description, haha, so I might be a little bit biased :P) It was so right and so well balanced for a character study-type story, and I loved your use of italics for speech instead of quotation marks. It really emphasised the whole memory-like aspect of it. Your writing is so good, honestly - you should definitely write more (and in this narrative style, too, if you wanted - it really suits you!)! :) 

 

I've rambled a lot in this and I'm so sorry for that, haha, but I really did love it - thank you so much for requesting; I'm so glad I got a chance to read this! :) 

 

Aph xx



Author's Response:

Hi Laura! :) I wanted to thank you for this really nice review that always makes me grin and dance whenever I read it! 

 

I absolutely agree with you about Neville—I always found him to be a very interesting character (much like Cho), one the realest characters in the books. I actually think that JKR did him a little bit of an injustice by making him become suddenly heroic... I understand that times of war often cause people to change (that is, after all, the entire point of this fic!), but I think that some part of Neville would always be the eleven-year-old scaredy cat kid. And I was also really disappointed to see the lack of Neville-centric fics; maybe this will inspire some more? :D 

 

I think it's interesting that you never thought of Neville as someone who might do awful terrible things in times of war and rather thought of Harry. I thought about that for a little and actually absolutely understand your perspective—Harry's use of the Cruciatus Curse seems like something that would definitely haunt him since it would go against everything that he was raised to be. I always had the feeling that he'd never really feel all that bad about it though. I think he's the sort of guy who is fiercely protective of his loved ones, like McGonagall, Ron, Hermione, Sirius, his parents, etc., that he would do absolutely anything to protect them and hurt anyone who hurt them. I don't think that he's necessarily all that pure to not be corrupted by the desire for revenge—similar to how I don't think that Neville is so brave as to never be corrupted by fear once the Carrows took over. That just doesn't feel as human to me. But that point about Harry is an interesting one to raise! I really agree that Neville seems like the last person who would do something like that, and yes, Neville definitely was influenced by the times—but I think there's also the element of his personal connection to the Cruciatus Curse, something I wanted to play around with a little in this fic. That makes me think that regardless of whether they were at war or not, I think Neville might've still behaved the same way. I think, fundamentally, people are guided by internal pressures, not external pressures. But, that's a topic for an entirely different fic :) 

 

Wow, thank you for the huge compliments about me capturing the struggle to write perfectly—that means a lot coming from a writer, who knows exactly what it feels like for the words to simply not come. That's just... wow! And your comments about my description... eep. That's so kind of you <3 I'm really really happy that you think it's well-balanced, I always struggle between achieving that perfect balance, and it's so relieving that I got it right this time! (And saying that my description is good, coming from you, the queen of description... ahh! My face is going to split in two, I'm grinning so wide haha). 

 

Thanks so so much for the delightful review--always cheers me up when I'm feeling down about my writing :) <3 



Name: PaulaTheProkaryote (Signed) · Date: 27 Aug 2017 12:36 AM · Chapter: courage

HELLO LOVELY!


Since you're my official favorite personTM I knew I had to swing by and leave you some birthday reviews! <3 


First of all, WOW, your descriptive writing is so well done. It's pretty and full of imagery without bogging down the story or seeming pretentious. I'm thoroughly dazzled by it. In the very beginning you give us the writing desk and is it weird how fond I now feel for that desk and all of the memories, both good and bad that accompany it?


Also I love your characterization of Neville. He feels very well defined and all around interesting. I feel like even in the later books he was never treated like the dimensional, human character that he was. He went from Neville Longbottom: Comic Relief to Neville Longbottom: War Hero with very little development in between in the eyes of the characters. This feels so much more intimate and personal and real.


"Tonight was a rare night where he could taste the words he wanted to write on his tongue, feel them at his fingertips, hear them in his ears."

I relate to this on a personal level. Also I really enjoy the way his insecurities come out. I feel like this every time I write an email.

Also I'm glad this was the memory you selected to talk about because I feel like there are so many missing moments from that year that we will never see. I think you did a really great job characterizing all of those horrors and making me cringe at the thought of ADULTS doing this to poor innocent children. 

 

Also I really don't think, especially with all the extra details and the whole "uncle Seamus" thing that Seamus would actually hold any kind of grudge or bad feeling about it. I mean, these were hard times. War. Apt name, by the way. 

 

I love the characterization of his kids too. I need to see more of them in future fics for sure. So cute! 

 

I loved the ending. I loved it all, but I especially loved the ending. 

 



Name: LunaStellaCat (Signed) · Date: 23 Aug 2017 02:51 PM · Chapter: courage
forever-dreaming

I should really add you as a favorite author. I should. I think that’s happening. Notching that on the to-do list. I must start reading your stuff and then be doing something or something because you are the type of writer where I can already tell that I come back and I read a completely different interpretation. Part of that might be me wanting to read while on break, but whatever.

The first part about the writer’s block? And the illustration of the desk? Can we just sit back and appreciate that for a moment? That is so genuine about the writing process. I mean, you think you have something, you really do write something, sometimes the whole thing, and then you toss it away. It’s no good. And when you just need to get something out of your head and onto paper, you are caught in that moment. Happens to everyone. Every time I read about the writing process that any writer puts into an effort, I wonder if he or she has had difficulty in drafting the piece. In HBP, you can tell that JKR had this problem, and again, this makes her more genuine as a person.

I call this flipping the switch. There is a point in our lives where we start to grow up, and while I would argue that this first started for Neville in fifth year, you are the first person to illustrate to me why with the language. Well done. Language and word choice are powerful - you have options and should never insert curse words as a just because; that often reflects cheap writing and a cliche. You illustrate that well. On a side note, I once pulled up the word “bastard” in the OED because a professor told me to for a world history thing… cool guy… I think he just wanted me to smile. :)


A lot of times, we carry things for years. I have done it, and we don’t make that move, which makes this all the more realistic, but it hurts when we do this towards friends or family. You can bury that for fifteen years and never make a move because … time erodes the length or the supposed imagined effectiveness of the apology. Does that makes sense? I’m not saying the old cliche of time heals all wounds. It just … erases it? Sometimes there is such a thing of too little, too late, where there is, in the end nothing left.

The only criticism I have is the part about Hannah’s breathing and you want to give this a read over to caught small mistakes. A beta once told me that the editing process comes in stages and doesn't have to be finished. We walk away and we come back.

The ending? Perfection. So what if it’s not a happy one-shot at the end. That’s life. You wrote a slice of real life in fiction, and that, my friend, is an admirable moment.

Not satisfactory she says? Pooh!

Well done. I loved it.

Jenn 

LunaStellaCat

Author's Response:

Hi Jenn! 

Firstly, thanks so much for adding me as a favorite author—that's incredibly flattering and I'm honored and surprised that you like my writing that much :) That was a great confidence boost to see and motivated me to keep working on the next short story in this collection :) 

I'm glad that you liked the part about Neville's writer's block, being unable to put to words the feelings that he's feeling because they're almost too much. I was worried that this would be pretentious but I'm glad to see that it came off as genuine, and you're absolutely right, it's something that everyone goes through, no matter the gravity of what you're writing. Also, it was very difficult for me to write that section—that was the part of this fic that I wrote and rewrote several times before finally feeling satisfied with it. So yes, when writers talk about the process of writing, it's never easy! :D 

Thanks for the comment about the curse words—I was hoping someone would pick up on that. I hardly use them in my writing except when necessary and only when it fits the characters and the situation, so I thought it would be fitting in this case. I'm happy that I could reflect the necessity of picking words carefully because you're absolutely right; sometimes, curse words are just thrown in for the sake of being thrown in there. 

"...time erodes the length or the supposed imagined effectiveness of the apology"—oh my god, this is such a major aspect of what I was trying to convey. Your explanation makes complete sense and I'm really happy that I could articulate this sense of letting go, but not really letting go; how some things just sort of turn stale in your heart after time—but they're still there, poking at you a little, it's just a pain that you have now grown accustomed too. I like to think that some wounds can never be healed at all, but are rather just scarred over—they're still left there on your skin as permanent marks, but the bleeding has been stopped so the pain seems to be gone, but you can look at your scar and be reminded of all the pain once again. That was exactly what I was trying to convey here and the fact that you got the message is the best compliment :) 

"You wrote a slice of real life in fiction..." Thank you! That is a huge compliment. Gosh, this entire review has left me so happy <3 Thank you! 

- Shreya 



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