Name: TreacleTart (Signed) · Date: 03 Sep 2017 01:51 AM · starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Story:Luna's Law: or the Dangers of Amortentia Chapter: Changes

Hello again!


Back for the second chapter as promised!


I'm glad that Rita & Luna got some sense of justice in this story, even if it doesn't fix the horrible things that happened to them. I thought what Rita did was very clever and I'm glad it cost Cormac his career as rape often costs the victim their sense of security and well-being. I love that it not only cost him the Hogwarts position, but his professional career as well. 


I actually started to tear up while reading this chapter because I wish so much that this reflected reality. There's still far too many victims who never receive justice. I hope at some point in my lifetime that changes. 


On a more technical note, I thought you wrote this well. I liked the flashes between trial and memories. It was a nice touch and easy to follow. I can tell you really thought out the legal aspects of this too. Good work.



Author's Response:

Kaitlin, thanks for reviewing this 2nd chapter, I know it was hard for you and I appreciate the review. I must admit that my favorite part is Luna telling Rita she doesn't to do it if it's just to fuel Rita's vindicitiveness, but they come to an agreement since they all realize how important it is. I really wanted to make Rita an understandable, but also sympathetic character here.


I also wish this reflected reality more. So many victims will never have the closure that Rita and Luna did (although they still have to live with it forever). 


I don't feel sorry for Cormac at all, especially since he admitted what he did and didn't understand why it was wrong. He got what he deserved.

Name: TreacleTart (Signed) · Date: 03 Sep 2017 01:29 AM · starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Story:Luna's Law: or the Dangers of Amortentia Chapter: Pre-Trial Motions

Hello dear!


I'm here to fill your review request from the staff review thread.


Wow. This was intense and not really what I was expecting. This really went to some very dark and disturbing places and truthfully was hard for me to read in places. The reason is that it was difficult is because this happens all too frequently in the real world when a woman is raped. Instead of trials being about the man doing something wrong...it's always about what the woman was wearing, her previous history, how much she'd had to drink prior, etc. I actually have a friend who was raped and didn't press charges for this exact reason. She was terrified of being crucified.


It makes me so angry to think that the wizarding world would be this backward and I really hope that Luna & Hermione are going to go on a crusade to fix this. No one should be able to get away with a thing like that.


I'm off to read the next chapter as I have to know what happens next.




Author's Response:

Thank you for reading this, and I really intended it to be tough to read, as I knew this sort of garbage happens to the victims. I wanted to show it as it really is, so that more people are aware. I hated doing this to Luna, but I knew she'd be the character that A) wouldn't be believed if she came forward, B) would garner sympathy from the reader, and C) have the inner strength to do what was needed eventually. 


I picture the wizarding justice system as being a bit more progressive than the Muggle one, but still in about the same place with this sort of thing. You will be a bit surprised where the crusade comes from in the 2nd chapter I think.


Again, thanks for reading this, and I appreciate it, knowing that it was hard to read for you.

Name: Veritaserum27 (Signed) · Date: 01 Sep 2017 12:49 AM · [Report This]
Story:Luna's Law: or the Dangers of Amortentia Chapter: Pre-Trial Motions

Hi there Carl!  I'm here from the Staff Review Request Thread!  I knew immediately that I wanted to read more of your writing becasue I loved your one shot "Sleep Without Pain."

Man, oh man.  Where do I start with this??

First off, I think you did the proper thing with your warning, both in the thread, but more importantly in your summary.  I knew that I needed to brace myself for this doozie.

Secondly, I think you did a really, really thorough job of portraying the incident and the court room scene.  Switching back and forth between the two events gave the reader some time to absorb the impact of the intense emotions from the flashback.  The court room drama itself was also done very well.  Sometimes those scenes can get a bit dry, especially if their told as a "read-back" of the court reporter, but this was nothing of the sort.  It was fast paced, and stirring without having the feel of being a TV episode of Law and Order.

I did find two typos in the chapter.  First, in this sentence:

AN: So, if you never said, ‘no,' did you indicated to my client that you did not want to have sex with him in any other way?

I think you want "indicate" instead of "indicated."

And here:

Ms S-: I am aware of that, but I'm also aware that from the strength of my reaction to the potion, that it had aged at least 9 months and that it was not possible for me to throw it off at the age of fifteen and with the training I had a the time, even with the training I received from Harry Potter in .

It looks like the sentence just ends.  I'm wondering if you wanted to put in another "name redacted" in that spot?

Your characterization, as usual is brilliant.  Cormac is enraging as an over-indulged, entitled, man-child, who clearly has had the world handed to him on a silver platter.  Luna is also done incredibly well, as she's so hard to get just right, so that was great!  My only (super nitpicky) issue was with Neville.  In my own head, sixth-year Neville wouldn't have been quite as smooth and sure of his emotions.  I would've imagined he would be a bit unsure of how to help Luna or what to say or do.  But again, that's being REALLY nitpicky on a piece that has clearly been well thought out.

I've got to say, I think I'm *most* intrigued about where Rita Skeeter falls into all of this.  From the summary, it sounds like she's working with Luna and Hermione.  Since I've envisioned her as a self-absorbed, ruthless little gnat, I'm hoping that I'll be pleasantly surprised that she chooses to use her power of the "Quick-Quotes Quill" and animagus status to help someone other than herself!

I think you've done a great job with this.  You're not sugar coating the realities of how the law works against the vicitim in sexual assaults, or how they're treated when they choose to step forward and speak out.  

Author's Response:

OMG, thanks so much for this review. I especially want to thank you for the finding the typos, and I see that I still hadn't fixed something that was against the ToS (all are fixed now). You are correct that another redacted part should have been there, in my doc, I use "<" and ">" but the archive thinks it's HTML or bbcode, so it freaked out. I thought I had fixed them all, but I missed that one.

Yeah, I didn't want to sugar coat it at all. I wanted to show how heinous not only the assaulter is, but how the victim is treated sometimes. I will say in my defense with Neville that his first thought was violence on Cormac, and I don't think he'd think that at just any time.

Yes, in the second chapter, Rita will work with Luna and Hermione (it's already written if you want to look at it....whistles innocently). I found it odd to write a Rita that was doing something good, even if it was for her own reasons, but I think I captured her, too.


I wanted this to be somewhat like an espisode of SVU, but I knew it would be too dry, so thank you for letting me know it wasn't. I know I took great liberties with the actual legal system, but since it's the wizarding world, I thought I had some leeway.


Glad you thought this was well done overall and thank you so much for the kind review.

Name: forever_dreaming (Signed) · Date: 10 Aug 2017 03:56 AM · starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Story:Luna's Law: or the Dangers of Amortentia Chapter: Pre-Trial Motions

Your Honor, permission to punch Mr. McLaggen in the face, please?! Gosh, I'm so mad at him. What a sleaze. The fact that you can make me hate him this much at the end of only 3000 words is a testament to your writing ability! I really loved he uniqueness of this fic. The narrative structure really suited it, and the nature of the dialogue allowed each character's personality to shine. 

The questions were infuriating and inappropriate and I thank you for bringing light to something like this. Criminal justice in the wizarding world is a topic that isn't really discussed that much in the books (other than to say, as evidenced by Sirius's case, it's never properly administered) and this was a very creative look into that. I can't wait to read the next chapter! :) 

Author's Response:

Permission to punch Cormac granted. I wanted to really show him as a sleazy character, so it's good that came through. I had to tell this from the multiple formats to make it feel right to me, so glad you enjoyed this.


Those questions are SO inappropriate and ye they get asked all the time IRL, like they matter. I agree it's super infuriating. Thanks so much for the very nice review here.

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