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Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 06 Aug 2017 02:03 PM · starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Story:My First Time, by Remus Lupin Chapter: Chapter 1

Hi, Pookha! Here for our swap!

You have so many interesting things on your AP (I shall come back again sometime) and it was really to choose, but then I saw a Remus' story and I just had to stop here.

First of all, I love the idea that this is a letter to Dora and that he's trying to tell her what he's never felt comfortable saying by voice (at least that's my interpretation). I love that you focused on his worry for Teddy and what he might go through if he inherited his lycanthropy. The premise is so great.

The actual recount of the night he was bitten and transformed the first time was so chilling. The detail of the ball eclipsing the moon was particularly effective for some reason. It was also quite shocking the way Greyback acted, so controlled and purposefull, not like a werewolf who acts on instinct at all... so scary.

And Remus' rage... the poor thing, this makes me so sad... only a child... *cries*

My only "complain" about this is that the tone seemed a bit impersonal, without emotion, but maybe that was intentional? It does make sense for Remus to tell his story without putting too much emotion in it, like it's just something that's happened and he just accepts it the way it is, because he can't do otherwise.

Anyway, this was great. I loved your interpretation of the events, your descriptions, all the details you included, it was really well done.

Thank you so much for swapping!

All my love,

Chiara



Author's Response:

Oh yeah, I've written quite a few different things, eras, genres, but unfortunately, not very many Marauders stories. I remember writing this one afternoon, I think for a challenge at HPFF that had an upcoming deadline, so I hurried it through. 

Your interpretation is correct, this is a letter to Tonks telling her his fears about Teddy. I wanted the story to be matter-of-fact to just underlie the horror. Doing this now, it would be quite different based on what I know about Greyback. 

Emotion is my weakest point, so I'm not surprised it missing a bit here, and it's something I am striving to improve on.

Thank you so much for the very nice review and I'd be happy to swap with you any time.



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