I enjoy the contrast in “bony gentle face.” I wouldn’t normally expect something bony to be gentle, so that helps set up Rowena a a woman of interesting contrasts.
Did Rowena’s son die from the black death? Or from a magical disease?
I am curious what makes the people Helena’s people. Is she in some kind of formal leadership position, or does she just look out for her own? I am also curious about Helga and Godric being here. Is this part of Hogwarts, or elsewhere? If elsewhere, what are Helga and Godric’s roles?
Aw, I love that line that once Helga decides to shower you with affection, she never stops. As a Hufflepuff, I really connect with that. I like that you specify that that extends to Salazar, though it makes me sad that it seems like the others were so hostile to him that he wouldn’t feel welcome participating in their discussions without her invitation.
There are extra quote marks at the end of “She kissed Helena’s plump cheek.”“
Your formatting is a little uneven in this story, with extra spaces between some paragraphs and not enough between others.
I like that the shipping is subtle in this piece. I may not have thought Rowena and Salazar was a ship if you hadn’t tagged it, but I can definitely see that they understand each other and go well together. There doesn’t have to be blatant romance to make a pairing work, and I like the subtle route you took with this one.
Ooh, interesting end notes!
Nice job with this story.
I'm here to review for my strong female challenge! So my challenge is all about the characterisation of your lead character and the events that led her to be 'strong'
I think Rowena is an awesome character to pick for this challenge! I feel like the founders is a really under explored area of the fandom considering it has so much potential. Both Rowena (and Helga) were obviously powerful and strong for 11th century women!
I really think you've got some really stunning imagery, your description is really powerful and gives me such a fantastic mental pictures and better connection with your characters. It's hard to pick my favourite but I really loved the line 'Her haunting loneliness after her loss sought for the next vessel to pour in her affection' so it was effective in this piece but quite poetic too.
I think you've done a good job at showing what makes her strong, I really thought how showed her devotion to her people and protecting them on her visit to France was really well done! I know you're planning to work on this more to make it multi-chaptered piece so I'm sure I'll see more of Rowena's characterisation but judging on this chapter it's really solid start for her. I enjoy little details about the other founders too, looks to be an interesting story so good luck finishing it!
Thank you so much for joining my challenge, I loved reading this!
- Abbi x
Thank you Abbi for setting this wonderful challenge! I was really amazed by your contribution for the members on the forums. We are so lucky to have you, Abbie!
Talking of my story, it was really fun to imagine the unexplored HP fandom era. Since I've read some, (perhaps one of them was written by StellaBlue) about the Founders, I had a vague concept about them. I really enjoyed writing about them in my own style. Before making an entry for your story challenge, I just happened to watch a documentary about Empress Komyo and her temples including the statue of Ashura. I thought it might be more interesting if I wrote the Founders based on her. I hope it worked well for the European readers. With inspirations from awesome people on the forums, I can continue this story. Thank you again, Abbie!