Hi Chiara! I’m helping out the newsletter crew with their review owed to you for nominating in the past. <3
I wasn’t sure what to read on your AP, since I’ve already reviewed most of your recent stories (and you mentioned before that you wanted to edit Two Lilies, I think), so I picked this one! It sounded cute and fluffy and humorous, and it’s exactly what I need on this gloomy spring day. (Why is there half a foot of snow on the ground in spring. Why. It makes me sad just looking at it.)
My first thought after reading this is: Whoa, French. I love French, it’s a beautiful language. (Do you know it? I was super impressed after reading this, because you were writing complete sentences.)
My second thought is: THIS IS ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS, AND I AM SO GLAD I PICKED IT.
Colette is a wonderful narrator. Her backstory is really interesting (though she has a bit of a prejudiced father, I see), and her hilarious exchange in French with Sirius was really fun, too, even though I didn’t understand any of it until I read the author’s note, haha. I loved her descriptions of all the characters, especially the Marauders. This line had me cracking up, haha-- “There are four specimen of this rare, and hopefully bound for extinction, species.”
What vivid dreams she has! I was totally not expecting that. She has a really active imagination, if she’s able to come up with the Marauders’ special version of Hopscotch like that. (Which actually sounds really fun! If I were Dave, I would probably want to play it, too, as dangerous as it sounds.) I find it really funny that she thinks Dave is too much of an imbecile to be in Ravenclaw, and that his acceptance of the Marauders’ challenge is pretty much proof of that. When they were zapped back to before Hogwarts’ time, I was so shocked, and also stressed out for them. Because how were they going to get back??
Thankfully, it was all a dream. But the ending made me laugh so much! Sirius coming over and actually proposing another children’s game, that will almost surely have a twist to it...
This is such a wonderful one-shot, Chiara! <3
Hey Chiara! :) So apparently I hadn't been to your page in a while as when I hopped onto it, I didn't recognise this story - and so I just had to stop by. Also, I've never seen a story even involving Davey Gudgeon before, so I couldn't resist :P
I love the way you start this - it reminds me so much of a play, with how it runs through the characters at the beginning, giving short descriptions of each one, before the actual story starts. It's not my favourite trope, I admit, but you use it so well here, and it really actually fits with Colette's voice. Colette is such a great character - I love how she seems to have a bit of a crush on James, really dislikes Sirius and his insistence on talking to her, how everyone thinks he's so handsome, how he sucks Davey into his games and tricks and things which are always that bit dangerous. It's interesting and refreshing to see a character who has no romantic hidden feelings for Sirius and thinks he's a jerk at the same time :P Plus it gives her a really strong voice: protective of Davey, disdainful of Sirius and the kind of background he comes from, irritated and admiring of James.
I really wasn't expecting the twist in this, haha - I was thinking oh no, what are they going to do now? She's gonna actually kill Sirius if/when they get back, how do they get out of this - and then you throw that curveball! Though it's probably better for her and poor Davey...
I loved the touch of the French, by the way, and the mentions of how 'esteemed pureblood families are obsessed with French', haha - it's actually part of my headcanon for a bunch of them too, so it fits in nicely :P
Your writing in this is so good! You write action so well - you have such a good pace, and the short, sharp sentences needed for it, for Colette's hostility towards Sirius, for the younger, lighter voice, and the whole action sequence with them and the time turner and the games, works so well with your writing. Your dialogue, as always, is so so strong as well.
This was a lovely one-shot and a great read! :)
Laura! Hello, my dear! So happy you decided to stop by and take a peek at this! :)
Glad you enjoyed the initial introductions. :) It's not something I normally do, but I thought it worked with the humorous tone of the story, and I'm glad you enjoyed it even if it isn't something you particularly like in general. Also, I'm so happy you liked Colette as a character! :)
Ahahah! Yes, in most stories everyone tends to be in love with Sirius, but for some reason it's something that I've never written... don't ask me why... I never really wrote someone in love with James, either, except Lily, and Colette's slight attraction for James isn't something that was there in my first writing of this story, but for some reason I thought it would be something nice to add. I'm happy you liked it. :)
Ahahah! Definitely better to be dreaming it all! ;) I bet she would kill Sirius if it had been real and they somehow escaped... I think she would kill Sirius anyway, actually! :P
Oh, so glad you liked the French bits, and that you share my headcanon about pureblood society and French. :D
Ah, so glad you thought I wrote action well and that the pace and the style in general was good! Thank you so much!
Thanks again for the wonderful review!
Seriously, Chi, where have you been hiding all these stories?!?!
I love how Dave is described. Seriously so cute and funny. I can't believe someone with the nickname Daredevil Dave isn't in Gryffindor!
This: There are four specimen of this rare, and hopefully bound for extinction, species. Hilarious! And I love the little exchange in French :P
This was so hilarious Chi. Where do you come up with all of these amazing ideas? The time turner hopscotch is such a terrifying idea, and I hate to think of what happens when Dave plays hide and seek...
Thou art so talented, little Chi <3
Hey B! :D
I haven't been hiding them... this and The Flobberworm Race were written for the House Cup on HPFF and were posted as chapters in a site-wide collab... but I think I already told you on Skype... but my pc is full of half projects and ideas, maybe one day I'll show you... :P
So glad you liked Dave! :D One of my fantasies is to write a longer story featuring him and Colette. Yeah, I see your point, but I guess he is reckless in a scientific way... like, he wants to experiment things, and that's very Ravenclaw. (Okay, I just made up this explaination, but I quite like it).
Ahahah! Yeah, I love that line, too! :P Glad you liked the French bits as well!
So glad you liked this! I actually don't know where the idea came from, but I'm happy you liked it! And I really don't want to know what happens when he plays hide and seek...
Thank you so much for the lovely review, little B!