*Transferred from HPFF*
Heya! I'm including this as part of the BvB review fest, but am also coming by as I'm slowly working my way through the other entries from the 2nd person POV challenge, because I looked through a couple and they were pretty amazing and I want to see what other people did with the prompt!
I really, really like what you have constructed here. The relationship between Scorpius and Corbin is toxic. It's laced with fear and tiptoeing around people and trying anything to keep things calm. I could feel the fear and anxiety within the story, and it really made me feel for Scorpius as he feared Corbin's backlash if things didn't go just his way. The way you had Scorpius afraid of even leaving the house or visiting with family or even speaking about his friends...you really illustrated how bad of a situation Scorp was in and I applaud you for making it realistic (as terrible as it is).
I also like how you got him out of the situation. I'm happy you showed the moment in which Scorp had enough and finally fought to get out. I love how it was Albus and Rose and Harry who came out to help bring him home, even if Corbin did step in the way. I think it was a good realization moment for Scorp that people were worried about him and wanted him out of the dangerous situation. Especially when he's in St. Mungos and with his parents and friends. His realization that he should have gotten out earlier was well played out and I feel you did a really great job justifying his character and his reactions.
I do, looking back at it, feel a little bad for Corbin actually. I know abusive relationships are rough (not been in one myself, but I've seen some forms of them), but to have someone who goes to that sort of length and feels like love is a possession and they have to have possession of the person and control every aspect of their life in order to get all the love they can...it's sad. Because it's such a violent way to go about things and it just...how can you justify something like that to yourself? Everyone should have the right to be loved in a proper way and for Corbin...well, I just wish he could get that, you know?
There were a few things I noticed as I went through:
"You try to remember the when you saw anyone from your life in England and recall the weekend spent with your parents more than six months previous." -This sentence I think was trying to cover two thoughts or different ways to word something. If you get rid of the ‘the' after remember, it would solve the problem I think.
"Tears begin to all without preamble and you know this is not acceptable." -I think all was intended to be fall
"She manages to make sound it like a tiresome trip but you could tell she did enjoy herself." -I think this sentence may have gotten switched up a bit. Sound should come after the it for a better read, I think
Overall though, I feel you did really really well with this situation, and the fact that you showed how significant it is to get out, and to ask for help...it's the best thing you could have done! You really hit home a good point with these sorts of situations (and portrayed the emotions and struggles so well!) and I applaud you for that. I was really impressed with it and you did a good job!
I also quite adore how the following worked into the story, despite how (bad, wrong, terrible? I don't know the word I want!) it is:
"Tension - Argument - Assault - Assuage - Comfort"
Really great job!
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Hey Rose, here for our swap.
I hope it's okay that I decided to R&R this story. It has a lot of reviews already, but I saw that it had won first place in a challenge and I really wanted to check it out.
This story is so powerful. It's painful and raw, and it manages to be pretty tasteful in describing horrific abuse, which is quite the accomplishment.</p><p>I thought it was really effective how you sort of laid out the abuse cycle early in the story (tension - argument - assault - assuage - comfort) and then, when we actually saw an episode of the abuse take place, you sort of used those parts of the cycle as headers (? I didn't describe that well at all, but yeah).
Your writing was so evocative and I really had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach while reading this. Especially when Scorpius defended Corbin, to others or himself, even though you could tell he knew in his gut how completely wrong the whole situation was. From what I know, that's very accurate to what actually happens in abusive relationships, but it just was so difficult to read Scorpius going through that.
You did an amazing job of accurately depicting an abusive relationship, especially the isolation aspect (how abusers cut their victims off from friends and family). I was so relieved when Scorpius reached out for help and when Albus immediately responded. I also absolutely adored how Rose insisted on accompanying Albus, and that Harry went too - he may have a bad past with Scorpius' father, but that was something that Harry would absolutely do.
This was a really difficult story, but it had amazing moments of hope, and a such a hopeful ending. You really did such an excellent job on this piece, Rose.
*Transferred from HPFF*
Rose! I am here with your 2nd prize review! Again, I'm so sorry about how long it took - but I didn't forget! My excuse is that I live on a boat and there is no internet out there. But enough of my excuses. Onto SCORPIUS DUMPING CORBIN! (I hope).
Okay, wow. This was much more intense than I expected it to be - but I must applaud you for writing it. I can definitely believe it was a hard one-shot to write!! It was such incredibly powerful writing - the use of second person definitely contributed to that, as it feels like it's sort of happening to you the reader, rather than just a fictional character. It makes it so much scarier and I was so invested in Scorpius' story and wanted him to get out! I'm glad he was able to eventually realize how sour the relationship had gotten, and that he asked for help - that was brave of him and so necessary, and I'm just so happy he got away in the end. I must admit I'm worried about Corbin stalking him, given how possessive he is, but hopefully he'll just stay away.
“I wish you wouldn’t push me like you do,” he says weepily. -- This, in a sentence, is the problem with their relationship (well, there are many problems, but this one is harder to notice but its effect is so strong) - that in all his gestures of kindness and his acting hurt, Corbin is blaming Scorpius, the victim, for Corbin's own reaction. Not okay. And it took a while for Scorpius to pick up on it because Corbin manages to make Scorpius pity him for something that's Corbin's own fault - Scorpius didn't make him react that way, Corbin acted that way all on his own. But aah, as much as it hurts me to read how destructive this relationship is, I am so glad you wrote it and really went into all these tough issues because victim blaming is a REAL thing and this fic just clearly displays all the reasons why it's wrong. Kudos.
This was a wonderfully written fic. I love fics that focus on controversial topics and difficult themes and this certainly fit the bill - it was so good and you handled a difficult topic with a lot of tact and seriousness. Thanks for selecting this one, I'm glad I read it!