Review transferred from HPFF.
Hi. I'm here for our review swap.
You did a great job at incorporating the darker aspects of what was happening in the wizarding world at that point into this chapter. The mentioning of the war in one of the earliest paragraphs tied the entire thing together nicely, since you returned to that at the end. You managed to show not only what the Slytherins were doing but the fact that most of the students (at least the older ones) were keeping track of the news from outside the school. Bringing in a student who Julianne knew and who was a relatively recent graduate did a good job at showing the effects of what was happening.
I love the way you portrayed James and Sirius here. All too often they are shown as rule breakers without a lot of other depth, but you made them even seem somewhat responsible when they were discussing the proper use of Quidditch supplies and the importance of safety. (Which, to be fair, is much more important when you're fifty feet off the ground than it would be on a basketball court!) James in particular was established very well here. Showing the long relationship he had with Julianne and his patience with trying to explain Transfiguration in a way that she got better showed a side of him that all his friends (and future Order-mates) knew and loved. Julianne's faith in him and stating that he liked Lily for Lily rather than as a possession like Snape helped make him seem much more human than he often appears in fics.
One thing I might suggest changing is the repetition of the word "practice" near the end of their Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson. It is repeated frequently over the course of a few lines and switching it up once or twice would lead to a better rhythm.
This is something relatively minor but I have to say that I love that you incorporated Greta Catchlove and the surname MacFarlan into this. Using such minor, random names from the Harry Potter Lexicon or whatever other sources have them is brilliant. Most people probably don't notice this but as a huge Marauder nut myself (who happens to have Greta and a MacFarlan of my own in my novel) this made me really appreciate the amount of research you put into this.
I'm interested to see how this story goes and how far you take it. (The end of sixth year? Graduation? The Potters' deaths?)
I enjoyed this. Thanks again for offering to swap! =)
Hey, Rhaenyra! Thanks for doing the swap :)
It's really important to me with this story particularly that the war be as prominent as I could make it. Especially given what we know about these characters after the graduate, the war has a really profound effect on all of them. Having it start off by just looking at the obituaries in the daily paper.
I've probably said this to you before, but I absolutely love James to death, so having him act like an actual human being came really easily. I've always thought that he had a outer shell of arrogance, but on the inside, he's really just a big softie and genuinely cares about every single one of his friends.
Hehe, I'm glad you like the little bits of canon. When I get writer's block, I tend to research and brainstorm, which as led to an entire list of characters that are either canon or related to various canon characters who I can use in Daily Prophet obituaries and anything else I might need them for.
As for how far the story is going to go, if everything goes right, this will cover fifth through seventh year and then some they graduate :)
Glad you like the story so much! I'm excited to see what you think of the rest of it!
Transferring reviews from HPFF, since I enjoyed this story!
I am a big fan of Marauder era stories, so I just had to check this one out when you said you would like reviews on it.
First things first, I would like to say that I really enjoy the way you have made it clear that Julianne is not your stereotypical Ravenclaw and that she struggles in a subject. Especially given how difficult Transfiguration is, this seems like a natural fit for her character. The talking in the library has already helped make her seem like a more well rounded character than many Ravenclaws in fic, so kudos for that.
The fact that you also brought Quidditch into it was a nice touch. Showing the competitive spirit between houses other than Gryffindor and Slytherin is a nice touch.
I'm interested to find out exactly what happened between Lily & Julianne in the past to cause such a cool relationship. (Also, nice twist of the usual Lily's-friend-likes-Sirius plot!)
I love breaking the Ravenclaw stereotypes because there is so much more to being intelligent than just doing well in school. Obviously there are going to be a lot of studious Ravenclaws, but there are also going to be those who are smart in different ways. Highlighting that difference between Ivory and Julianne is especially fun, since Ivory is what everyone pictures when they think of a Ravenclaw.
Quidditch is just such a fun plot to write. And considering how hard these kids go with just House points, there had to have been a ton of rivalry between all the Houses, even Hufflepuff.
Hehe, everyone has really seemed to like the disagreement between Lily and Julianne Originally, they were going to be close friends, but after edits and rewrites and years between versions of this story, Julianne somehow became close to James and she and Lily seemed like they were much to similar to be friends, at least as first.
I'm so glad you like this! Can't wait to hear what you think of the rest!