*Transferred from HPFF*
Heya! I'm here for our review swap! I'm a sucker for a Marauders' era story, so I couldn't resist this one, especially when I saw that the first chapter was written not from a Marauders or Lily's point of view, but Emmaline's. I was intrigued to see things from a minor character's eyes for a change.
I really liked this first chapter! You've introduced the four protagonists, and I assume that the points of view will be rotating between these four? It will be especially exciting to read the different perspectives not only because they're different characters, but also because they're in different Houses. How will their friendships change, and what sort of tensions will arise? We already know what happens between Lily and Snape, but with Eddie and Emmaline in the mix, I'm interested to see what kind of spin you put on it.
I do have one question about the point of view. Is this Emmaline recounting her story from a point in time when she's much older, or is she telling the story as it happens to her (but just in past tense)? There were parts that read like one or the other, so that confused me a little, but other than that, this was very enjoyable!
This is such a lovely start, and I'm curious to see whose point of view we will be seeing next! Thanks for the swap :)
Umm...hey again, Chiara!
Yeah, it's me again. QB1. It's a big change the way you switch from Emmeline to Severus in this chapter. She seems all...bright and kinda hopeful, you know? But he's just gloomy 'til he goes to sleep making friends with this dude Avery. I can understand them a little though. I hate my Dad too. Anyway, uhh...I got the idea that Severus is sort of fancier guy than Emmeline. He uses a lot of big words. Julie didn't even know one of them so I had to use a dictionary.
That guy at the beginning though just seems like he thinks he's better than everybody else. He kinda reminds me of Voodoo - or maybe that kid, J.D. since he seems like he's rich. I hope he doesn't have much of a place in the rest of the story.
The one thing I feel bad for about J.D. though is his dad. He just really messed that kid up - like way worse than mine to me. It kind of seems like Severus and Alexander might have tough dads like that. Abusing people like that is wrong and nobody should have to deal with it. I hope they turn out okay, you know?
I hope you're gonna write more of this story soon!
Hey again! :)
Yes, Emmeline and Serevus are quite different, almost opposite I daresay. She is definitely much happier and brighter than he is.
Oh, I'm sorry you have trouble with your Dad. Sometimes families aren't perfect, but I'm sure he loves you(?)
Ahahah! Yes, Severus does use a lot of big words. Guess he likes to sound important...
I don't have much sympathy for Lucius either. He does have quite an high opinion of himself. He might appear again, but I don't think he will be central in the story, so no worries.
Oh, that's horrible when fathers do that... and yes, Severus' Dad is not a good man at all... I hope they'll turn out okay too...
Erm, I'll try to get back to this. As I said, my muse isn't being very collaborative, but I definitely have this on my to-do list.
Thank you for stopping by and for the lovely review!
Hey again. I liked your other story before so I figured I'd read more of them and uhh...here I am, I guess?
I really liked the voice you gave the main character in this one. Emmeline seems like kind of a weird name, but she's got a good personality. She's real likable and maybe that's why she can bring these people together who are all in different houses? She reminds me of a younger...like a girl version of Coach...he could always bring people together from different groups. Like the rich ones and the poor ones.
Anyway...uhh...one of the other things I thought was cool about your story was how you really painted a picture of what people were seeing. I don't paint a lot, but I try to do good art and it seems like you're already real good at that part of writing. There were real feelings there too though. Like...more than just words you know, I could actually kinda identify with what they were going through even though I've never traveled across a lake with a giant to a castle. I think that's great - like a back-shoulder fade. Street taught me that. I get the sense that you figured this out all on your own though which is pretty awesome.
I see there's another chapter so I'm going to keep going past this set up one and see what else is in your playbook.
Hi again, QB1! Welcome! I'm happy you decided to read more about my Severus/Lily/Emmeline/Edgar quartet!
I guess Emmeline does have a good personality. Well, she's a Hufflepuff and I might be partial but I tend to love Hufflepuffs. :P And yes, she does have a talent to bring people together, but I guess that will come up later in the story (admitting my muse will be collaborative and let me write more for this one day...)
Oh, that's so great to hear because I'm really not confident about my descriptive skills. I'm very much more of a dialogue person, you know? I'm glad you could picture what they were seeing and feel what they were feeling, it's such a big compliment!
Thank you for another lovely review. I'm moving to reply to your other review now.
*Review transferred from HPFF, originally posted anonymously as Remus Lupin*
It's me, Remus, back again for a bit more of your stories. This one looked interesting too! I remember this event happening, all those years ago, but it's interesting to see it through the eyes of one of my classmates. Emmeline was always such a Hufflepuff, so it surprised me that in the beginning she didn't expect to be in that house, and even thought they were a stupid bunch! Well, she did learn the error of her ways and eventually became quite proud of her house.
It makes me sad though, that each generation of Hogwarts students comes in with that assumption. Gryffindor is clearly the best house (I admit I am slightly biased), but Hufflepuff is a good house. Some of my best students were Hufflepuffs - they definitely worked a lot harder than some Gryffindors I know *cough*James*cough*Sirius*cough*
I wonder what the hat was thinking about when it sorted Sniv-- I mean, Severus. I remember James was surprised that Severus' sorting took so long, but underneath all the unpleasantness of Severus, he eventually did a lot for the Order that few ever gave him credit for. I may never really like him, but I'll grant that his double act during the war was essential. Don't let Sirius hear that I said that.
Another great piece of writing. I give it an Outstanding.
Hi, again, my love!
I guess you remember that day very well. I mean, I would remember my Sorting very well too, if I ever had one... (still waiting for my Hogwarts' letter... I guess the owl supposed to deliver it got lost...)
Emmeline is such a Puff, I agree! I guess a lot of people come to Hogwarts with that assumption, but I know she will get to love her house eventually. (And I have to disagree, Gryffindor isn't the best house, Hufflepuff is better :P But I guess I'm biased too)
I think there is more to Severus than the regular Slytherin. He had a few Gryffindor traits as well (I know you don't like to hear it, but it's true). Don't worry, Sirius won't hear that from me. ;)
Thank you so much, Professor. :P
OMG CHIARA!!! *wipes away tears of joy*
You dedicated this to me?? I'm so overwhelmed with joy right now! I can't stop gushing. I think this is your best work/idea till date :)
I know I've already told you how much I loved it but it deserves to be made official on the archives too!
Firstly I have to fangirl about the mere idea of this tale - the concept of bringing together people from four different houses - highlighting their similarities and differences and seeing the world through each unique eye is just wonderful!
Emmelines PoV was really good - though she's a pure blood, her reactions to Hogwarts was such a typical 11 year old. I liked the voice you used here - the characters seemed quite unique and age appropriate. Especially that part where her name is called out for sorting!
I loved that part where Edgar starts quoting Hogwarts A History and Em asks him to shut up.
Also, the students' reaction to Sirius' sorting - a touch of brilliance. I loved that there was a silence following that. You managed to slide in canon references and instances very nicely and weave it in with your story.
Like I told you, I am so interested to read more - I want to know how you're going to portray JiLy through the eyes of Lilys friends :D and also, will we see more of Remus and Sirius *blush* ? I know you said not much, but it's always lovely to see them give a cameo once in awhile :D
Looking forward to the second chapter. You're awesome as always My lovely beta/betee :D
Aww, Ysh!!! *hug*
I'm so, so happy I made you happy!!! You are awesome and you deserve it!!!
I'm so glad you liked the idea behind this. Actually, the idea is not so new, since this story is sort of an expansion of my one shot "Seven years later". Have you read it already? If not, I think you might enjoy it! ;) (even if it isn't my most mature work...)
I'm so glad you liked Em's POV!!! :D And that the characters' voices felt authentic and interesting! (I love to write children... :P)
Ahahah! Edgar, the know-it-all bookworm! I had fun writing that bit, too! :D I'm seeing Edgar and Emmeline's relationship as a reversed Ron/Hermione sort of thing. Can't wait to explore their friendship more! :)
I think a Gryffindor Black would be received with stupor. To say the least. That's totally my headcanon for Sirius' sorting... Can't you imagine it to happen that way? I'm very glad you liked it, and in general the references to canon. :)
They will totally appear! I mean, they are the Marauders! They make themselves noticed, don't they? :P I still need to figure out how, though... As for Jily... There is still time for that, I think... We'll discover it together, I suppose. ;)
Looking forward for chap two, too! Your enthusiasm makes me want to keep going! (If only I didn't arrive home at 9pm every evening, too tired to do anything except eating something and going to bed...)
You are so wonderful, my lovely beta/betee! Thank you so much again for all your support! It means so much to me!
So you already know what I think of this chapter, but I'll make it official :P I think you write Severus really well; I love how he just wants to be alone straight away the poor little boy. I love what the Sorting Hat said about him too.
I love that we get to see a young Avery and Mulciber too, since we only ever know about their names, but surely Severus had friends! And these little ones are only 11, they can't be all that evil!
It's also so so sad what Sev went through with his dad :( but it definitly shows his motivations and explains his actions too.
Well done, Chi! Can't wait for more!
First of all, thank you for taking the trouble of reading through the chapter for me, you are so wonderful at encouraging me, it really means a lot!
I'm so glad you liked my Severus, and the bits from his conversation with the Sorting Hat that I included here. Poor kid... :(
And I'm glad you also liked to see the eleven-year-old versions of Avery and Mulciber! :) No, they can't be that evil at this point in time.
I feel so bad for everything that Sev went through in his childhood. I really hate Tobias. I'm glad it helped understanding him and his motives.
Thank you so much, B! Love you!
Shake-what, little Chi!
I really loved Seven Years, so I'm really happy you decided to expand it and I can't wait to learn more about the characters you've chosen to write about!
I'd soon learn how loud Severus' silences could be - I love that line!
Haha I bet there's one in every year grop who's read Hogwarts, A History before starting at the school haha.
Once again I love the idea behind this story of four friends in different houes. I can't wait to see how it goes!
Shake-what, little B!
I'm so glad you liked Seven Years Later and are curious to see more about this quartet, I'm really curious too. (I will go on with this, promise...)
I'm glad you love that line, I do too!
Ahahah! Yes, I'm sure there is! I love Edgar!
Thank you so much! I really want to explore this inter.-houses friendship and I'll be so thrilled to know your opinion along the way!