Hi Chiara! I’m here to review this second chapter, because I’m in love with the way you write these children and I wanted to read more of them. <3
I’m so glad that you’re going to rotate POVs! At first, I was thinking that this entire story would be narrated by Emmeline (which I definitely wouldn’t have minded, because she is absolutely adorable), but hearing Snape’s perspective is really interesting. I’ve never read a story from when he’s only eleven years old, but this is an amazing look into his personality and his backstory and his way of thinking.
First of all, I think it’s kinda cute (and quite in-character) for Snape to pull out a book on his first day of Hogwarts. Of course he would do that, haha. What I thought was most interesting about this chapter was his recollection about his conversation with the Sorting Hat. It sounds as though Snape is already regretting choosing his House the way he did, but I want to say to him, “If you only want to change Houses because of Lily, then that’s not a good reason, buddy. You can’t live your life for Lily; that’s unhealthy, and you’ll spend the rest of your life doing that.” (I have a lot of thoughts on Snape as a character hehe.)
Also, I know it’s pretty much canon that his father abused Snape, but still, seeing that he had marks from his father’s abuse was shocking. I think you really brought it to light here, which I appreciated. I can’t help but feel sorry for Snape in this moment; even though I feel unfavorably towards him when he’s an adult, he’s only a child here, and there’s really nothing he could’ve done to change his situation at this time. I’m glad that Avery and Mulciber didn’t push him on the matter. (When Avery and Mulciber first walked in, I got a shiver down my spine because of who they’ll grow to become, but as of right now, they’re just eleven-year-olds.)
Another beautiful chapter! Will you update this soon? <3
Hey, there, Eva, darling! :)
I started replying to this at least half an hour ago, then got distracted by a thousand other things and lost connection so I'm starting all over again...
I'm so, so glad you decided to read on! And I'm so, so glad you are enjoying Severus' POV. You know how much I love jumping back and forth characters' heads, so I guess it's not that surprising that I would be rotating... :P Anyway, I'm happy you are finding eleven-year-old Snape's thoughts interesting. :)
I do think pulling out a book on his first night at Hogwarts would be something Sev would do. :P And well, you know how much I love Sortings as well, and I'm so glad you liked Snape's recollections of his talk with the Hat. :) And yeah, he shouldn't live for Lily, I completely agree with your thoughts here...
Oh, I'm glad you "liked" that detail, I did feel it was important to show... and I'm so glad you could feel sorry for him, even if he isn't your favourite character. He is only a child right now, and he's gone through a lot that a child shouldn't experience... (which doesn't justify some of his decisions and behaviours later on, but still...) Avery and Mulciber are only children, too, and they will be good friends for him, at least in the beginning.
I don't know when I will update, but you will be the first to know when I do. :P
Thank you so much for the lovely surprise review!
Huge snowball hug,
Hi Chiara! I’m here for our swap. <3
THESE CHILDREN ARE SO ADORABLE I JUST WANT TO SQUISH THEM FOREVER AND PROTECT THEM FROM THE WORLD. Especially Emmeline! Her narration was absolutely adorable, and I loved getting to hear her voice this way. You also distinguish between the different characteristics of each child so well, I can immediately tell who’s talking without even having to look at the name!
“I'd soon learn how loud Severus' silences could be.” -- This line really made me sad to read, knowing Snape’s path in the future. Ugh you allude to all these terribly tragic events so so well, even when they’re just children and the future is so far away!! How am I already sad, in like the first two paragraphs from the story haha. Anyway, as I said before, I really love how you write your children. Edgar is so delightfully sarcastic, I love him. (Also, I can’t believe I didn’t realize this before, but I had no idea he was a Bones! That ties him into the canon storyline really neatly, being Susan’s father!)
Also!! Your descriptions of Hogwarts are so wonderful. I was breathtaken the entire time I was reading about Emmeline’s wonder, and that’s really what an author aspires to do, isn’t it? I’m so impressed by the way you managed to make me feel what the characters feel when they first arrived at Hogwarts.
Lily is just so cute and so sweet. I love her. This has been my Lily Appreciation Statement.
I think it’s so interesting how these four little kids broke apart into different houses but remained friends. I love that they’re all from different houses, which means they have different core values, but that they found each other on the train and managed to love each other anyway?? Houses mean nothing, in the end, haha. Good children are good children, and bad children are bad children, and it doesn’t matter which House you’re in, there are going to be both.
Anyway, I loved this first chapter, and I’m definitely going to check out that second chapter soon. <3
Your reviews are always so wonderful and I'm feeling so guilty that there are so many I never replied to... but I'm going to reply at least a couple more and I'll work my way through all of them a little at a time. :)
Ah, I'm so, so glad you are feeling affectionate to my children already. I do love them and want to keep them safe myself... but you know that's not how it works, right?
Emmeline is my favourite, she's such a Puff! I'm so glad you enjoyed her narrating voice, and I'm so glad you could distinguish among all the characters. :) That's so great to hear!
Severus is that kind of person, though, isn't he? A bit dark, a bit closed in himself... it is sad, especially since he is so young right now, and especially knowing what his path will be... sorry for making you sad already... :( And yay for Edgar! I do love him! :D
I'm so glad you liked my description of Hogwarts, and that you could feel the same wonder as Emmeline did! And yes, Lily is truly cute and sweet! :)
I love the idea that friendship can exist even among people from different houses. It will be a bit harder, of course, and it does believe that they are very different from each other, but like you say, houses don't really count.
I'm so glad you enjoyed this first chapter! Thank you so much for making me smile with another one of your amazing reviews!
Lots of love,
*Transferred from HPFF*
Heya! I'm here for our review swap! I'm a sucker for a Marauders' era story, so I couldn't resist this one, especially when I saw that the first chapter was written not from a Marauders or Lily's point of view, but Emmaline's. I was intrigued to see things from a minor character's eyes for a change.
I really liked this first chapter! You've introduced the four protagonists, and I assume that the points of view will be rotating between these four? It will be especially exciting to read the different perspectives not only because they're different characters, but also because they're in different Houses. How will their friendships change, and what sort of tensions will arise? We already know what happens between Lily and Snape, but with Eddie and Emmaline in the mix, I'm interested to see what kind of spin you put on it.
I do have one question about the point of view. Is this Emmaline recounting her story from a point in time when she's much older, or is she telling the story as it happens to her (but just in past tense)? There were parts that read like one or the other, so that confused me a little, but other than that, this was very enjoyable!
This is such a lovely start, and I'm curious to see whose point of view we will be seeing next! Thanks for the swap :)
Hey! Hello, dear!
First of all, thank you for the swap! It's always a pleasure! :D
I do love Marauder Era stories (well... I suppose it's quite clear from my penname and the stories on my AP... :P) I'm glad you found Em's POV refreshing! :D
Yes, my idea is to rotate between the four. I'm planning on writing from Severus' perspective in the next chapter, but I still have to start working on it... I'm still not sure how their friendship will develop through the years and how being in different houses will change their relationship. And I can't wait to find out!
You know, you are totally right about this... The fact is, I'm not sure myself... On one hand, I think the story would work better from a retrospect perspective, on the other I like it to be a as-it-happens thing, because it would emphasize emotions more. I think I tend a lot to mix the two (one of the reasons I tend to avoid first person perspectives) but I never realized until you mentioned it now, so thank you for pointing out the issue. I'll edit the chapter and try to adapt it to a retrospect perspective.
I'm so glad you enjoyed this start and that I made you curious for what's next!
Thank you so much for the swap and the lovely review!
Umm...hey again, Chiara!
Yeah, it's me again. QB1. It's a big change the way you switch from Emmeline to Severus in this chapter. She seems all...bright and kinda hopeful, you know? But he's just gloomy 'til he goes to sleep making friends with this dude Avery. I can understand them a little though. I hate my Dad too. Anyway, uhh...I got the idea that Severus is sort of fancier guy than Emmeline. He uses a lot of big words. Julie didn't even know one of them so I had to use a dictionary.
That guy at the beginning though just seems like he thinks he's better than everybody else. He kinda reminds me of Voodoo - or maybe that kid, J.D. since he seems like he's rich. I hope he doesn't have much of a place in the rest of the story.
The one thing I feel bad for about J.D. though is his dad. He just really messed that kid up - like way worse than mine to me. It kind of seems like Severus and Alexander might have tough dads like that. Abusing people like that is wrong and nobody should have to deal with it. I hope they turn out okay, you know?
I hope you're gonna write more of this story soon!
Hey again! :)
Yes, Emmeline and Serevus are quite different, almost opposite I daresay. She is definitely much happier and brighter than he is.
Oh, I'm sorry you have trouble with your Dad. Sometimes families aren't perfect, but I'm sure he loves you(?)
Ahahah! Yes, Severus does use a lot of big words. Guess he likes to sound important...
I don't have much sympathy for Lucius either. He does have quite an high opinion of himself. He might appear again, but I don't think he will be central in the story, so no worries.
Oh, that's horrible when fathers do that... and yes, Severus' Dad is not a good man at all... I hope they'll turn out okay too...
Erm, I'll try to get back to this. As I said, my muse isn't being very collaborative, but I definitely have this on my to-do list.
Thank you for stopping by and for the lovely review!
Hey again. I liked your other story before so I figured I'd read more of them and uhh...here I am, I guess?
I really liked the voice you gave the main character in this one. Emmeline seems like kind of a weird name, but she's got a good personality. She's real likable and maybe that's why she can bring these people together who are all in different houses? She reminds me of a younger...like a girl version of Coach...he could always bring people together from different groups. Like the rich ones and the poor ones.
Anyway...uhh...one of the other things I thought was cool about your story was how you really painted a picture of what people were seeing. I don't paint a lot, but I try to do good art and it seems like you're already real good at that part of writing. There were real feelings there too though. Like...more than just words you know, I could actually kinda identify with what they were going through even though I've never traveled across a lake with a giant to a castle. I think that's great - like a back-shoulder fade. Street taught me that. I get the sense that you figured this out all on your own though which is pretty awesome.
I see there's another chapter so I'm going to keep going past this set up one and see what else is in your playbook.
Hi again, QB1! Welcome! I'm happy you decided to read more about my Severus/Lily/Emmeline/Edgar quartet!
I guess Emmeline does have a good personality. Well, she's a Hufflepuff and I might be partial but I tend to love Hufflepuffs. :P And yes, she does have a talent to bring people together, but I guess that will come up later in the story (admitting my muse will be collaborative and let me write more for this one day...)
Oh, that's so great to hear because I'm really not confident about my descriptive skills. I'm very much more of a dialogue person, you know? I'm glad you could picture what they were seeing and feel what they were feeling, it's such a big compliment!
Thank you for another lovely review. I'm moving to reply to your other review now.
*Review transferred from HPFF, originally posted anonymously as Remus Lupin*
It's me, Remus, back again for a bit more of your stories. This one looked interesting too! I remember this event happening, all those years ago, but it's interesting to see it through the eyes of one of my classmates. Emmeline was always such a Hufflepuff, so it surprised me that in the beginning she didn't expect to be in that house, and even thought they were a stupid bunch! Well, she did learn the error of her ways and eventually became quite proud of her house.
It makes me sad though, that each generation of Hogwarts students comes in with that assumption. Gryffindor is clearly the best house (I admit I am slightly biased), but Hufflepuff is a good house. Some of my best students were Hufflepuffs - they definitely worked a lot harder than some Gryffindors I know *cough*James*cough*Sirius*cough*
I wonder what the hat was thinking about when it sorted Sniv-- I mean, Severus. I remember James was surprised that Severus' sorting took so long, but underneath all the unpleasantness of Severus, he eventually did a lot for the Order that few ever gave him credit for. I may never really like him, but I'll grant that his double act during the war was essential. Don't let Sirius hear that I said that.
Another great piece of writing. I give it an Outstanding.
Hi, again, my love!
I guess you remember that day very well. I mean, I would remember my Sorting very well too, if I ever had one... (still waiting for my Hogwarts' letter... I guess the owl supposed to deliver it got lost...)
Emmeline is such a Puff, I agree! I guess a lot of people come to Hogwarts with that assumption, but I know she will get to love her house eventually. (And I have to disagree, Gryffindor isn't the best house, Hufflepuff is better :P But I guess I'm biased too)
I think there is more to Severus than the regular Slytherin. He had a few Gryffindor traits as well (I know you don't like to hear it, but it's true). Don't worry, Sirius won't hear that from me. ;)
Thank you so much, Professor. :P
OMG CHIARA!!! *wipes away tears of joy*
You dedicated this to me?? I'm so overwhelmed with joy right now! I can't stop gushing. I think this is your best work/idea till date :)
I know I've already told you how much I loved it but it deserves to be made official on the archives too!
Firstly I have to fangirl about the mere idea of this tale - the concept of bringing together people from four different houses - highlighting their similarities and differences and seeing the world through each unique eye is just wonderful!
Emmelines PoV was really good - though she's a pure blood, her reactions to Hogwarts was such a typical 11 year old. I liked the voice you used here - the characters seemed quite unique and age appropriate. Especially that part where her name is called out for sorting!
I loved that part where Edgar starts quoting Hogwarts A History and Em asks him to shut up.
Also, the students' reaction to Sirius' sorting - a touch of brilliance. I loved that there was a silence following that. You managed to slide in canon references and instances very nicely and weave it in with your story.
Like I told you, I am so interested to read more - I want to know how you're going to portray JiLy through the eyes of Lilys friends :D and also, will we see more of Remus and Sirius *blush* ? I know you said not much, but it's always lovely to see them give a cameo once in awhile :D
Looking forward to the second chapter. You're awesome as always My lovely beta/betee :D
Aww, Ysh!!! *hug*
I'm so, so happy I made you happy!!! You are awesome and you deserve it!!!
I'm so glad you liked the idea behind this. Actually, the idea is not so new, since this story is sort of an expansion of my one shot "Seven years later". Have you read it already? If not, I think you might enjoy it! ;) (even if it isn't my most mature work...)
I'm so glad you liked Em's POV!!! :D And that the characters' voices felt authentic and interesting! (I love to write children... :P)
Ahahah! Edgar, the know-it-all bookworm! I had fun writing that bit, too! :D I'm seeing Edgar and Emmeline's relationship as a reversed Ron/Hermione sort of thing. Can't wait to explore their friendship more! :)
I think a Gryffindor Black would be received with stupor. To say the least. That's totally my headcanon for Sirius' sorting... Can't you imagine it to happen that way? I'm very glad you liked it, and in general the references to canon. :)
They will totally appear! I mean, they are the Marauders! They make themselves noticed, don't they? :P I still need to figure out how, though... As for Jily... There is still time for that, I think... We'll discover it together, I suppose. ;)
Looking forward for chap two, too! Your enthusiasm makes me want to keep going! (If only I didn't arrive home at 9pm every evening, too tired to do anything except eating something and going to bed...)
You are so wonderful, my lovely beta/betee! Thank you so much again for all your support! It means so much to me!
So you already know what I think of this chapter, but I'll make it official :P I think you write Severus really well; I love how he just wants to be alone straight away the poor little boy. I love what the Sorting Hat said about him too.
I love that we get to see a young Avery and Mulciber too, since we only ever know about their names, but surely Severus had friends! And these little ones are only 11, they can't be all that evil!
It's also so so sad what Sev went through with his dad :( but it definitly shows his motivations and explains his actions too.
Well done, Chi! Can't wait for more!
First of all, thank you for taking the trouble of reading through the chapter for me, you are so wonderful at encouraging me, it really means a lot!
I'm so glad you liked my Severus, and the bits from his conversation with the Sorting Hat that I included here. Poor kid... :(
And I'm glad you also liked to see the eleven-year-old versions of Avery and Mulciber! :) No, they can't be that evil at this point in time.
I feel so bad for everything that Sev went through in his childhood. I really hate Tobias. I'm glad it helped understanding him and his motives.
Thank you so much, B! Love you!
Shake-what, little Chi!
I really loved Seven Years, so I'm really happy you decided to expand it and I can't wait to learn more about the characters you've chosen to write about!
I'd soon learn how loud Severus' silences could be - I love that line!
Haha I bet there's one in every year grop who's read Hogwarts, A History before starting at the school haha.
Once again I love the idea behind this story of four friends in different houes. I can't wait to see how it goes!
Shake-what, little B!
I'm so glad you liked Seven Years Later and are curious to see more about this quartet, I'm really curious too. (I will go on with this, promise...)
I'm glad you love that line, I do too!
Ahahah! Yes, I'm sure there is! I love Edgar!
Thank you so much! I really want to explore this inter.-houses friendship and I'll be so thrilled to know your opinion along the way!