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Name: juls (Signed) · Date: 22 Sep 2018 01:04 PM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:The Flobberworm Race Chapter: Chapter 1

A lovely story of brotherly love. I can't say how much I enjoyed it. I'm not used of reading in 'you', but I did catch on that it was Albus - or I was Albus? I haven't read much of the next generation, so that is why I picked it.

It was cute, the lack of flobberworm race. Possibly should have picked bowtruckles that the younger cousins went in search of. Fantastic Beasts (the movie) gave me a love for those little, animated sticks, so I too, would have gone with Hugo and Lily to look for them.

I loved the family dynamics shown at the end. Harry so easy to allow the mischief his sons got into, Ginny having to play the heavy in the punishment, and the implusable story given for why they had a bit of dirt on their pants. In that. it looks James takes after his reporter-mother's instinct for writing.

Great job, and I look forward with anticipation on the next story I read <3

juls.



Author's Response:

Hey, Juls! :)

I'm glad you enjoyed this little story. :) I honestly love writing in second person a lot, even if it usually works better with angst... I used it here only because it accentuated the suspance at the beginning... I wanted to trick the reader in believing something would actually happen... :P And yes, I guess you were Albus, in a way... :P I don't read or write next gen much either, but for this piece I thought the Wotter clan would just work so well...

I think I would've enjoyed going after bowtruckles better, too. ;) And yes, I get what you mean... Pickett was just so cute, wasn't he?

Ahahah! I think Harry would be just too amused by his children's mischief, while Ginny would be very much like Molly. :D And yes, James does have a fervent imagination... maybe he will be a writer one day, who knows? :)

Thank you so much for the lovely review and the swap!

Chiara



Name: HufflepuffBookworm1990 (Signed) · Date: 09 Sep 2018 01:19 PM · [Report This]
Story:The Flobberworm Race Chapter: Chapter 1
Hey here for our swap.

This is really sweet. I can totally see James and Albus racing Flobberworms. Lily is really cute.

Victoire and Teddy arguing in the background seems about right.

Lily being a tattletale is funny, typical little sister.

I can picture Harry trying to be upset but he's actually amused, and Ginny is the one who is disciplines them.

Author's Response:

Hello!

I'm glad you enjoyed this little story, and that you liked the Potters' siblings. They are cute. :)

Ahahah! Yes, I kind of feel they would argue a lot... :P

Glad you liked the way I wrote Harry and Ginny as well. :)

Thank you for the swap!

Chiara



Name: Tecla Sunrise (Signed) · Date: 07 Mar 2018 03:21 PM · [Report This]
Story:The Flobberworm Race Chapter: Chapter 1

AH! 

I was drinking my tea in peace and I snorted it all over my keyboard when i read this:"Absolutely nothing happens. Your flobberworm stays exactly where it is, munching on a grass blade, totally unaware that he should move and reach the finishing line."

You masterfully used the built up suspence to trick you audience but really, it was so funny I'm not even mad! that's what I get for never reading the titles!

Anyway, I loved how you used the second person (I'm terrible at it, so I'm rightfully floored by your piece) and the chorus of "shut up, rosie" felt so wonderfully Weasly clan that my heart melted.

Honestly, this was too cute! And, well, James Sirius being his usual prat is just what I need everyday.

Albus, don't give up! One day, you'll win!

also, small thing: What did you do to dirt you this way? i'm not sure that's how they say it, i would see it better as "how did you manage to get so dirty?" or something similar.

Other than that, this was hilarious! thank you for requesting <3

EBBRAVAAAH

xxx Elena



Author's Response:

Hey, Elena! :)

Sorry for taking so long to reply... how have you been? I haven't seen you around for a while... anyway...

Ahahah! Sorry for the tea mishap... :P I'm happy that line cracked you up, though. I did have a lot of fun writing this and I can't help but being proud for tricking you... :D

I loooove second person! You should really try, I swear it's easier than you think and it really helps emphasizing the characters' emotions! Ahahah! I love to imagine Rose and a miniature Hermione, and I totally think the "Shut up, Rosie" chorus would be a regular occurrence among her cousins... :P

Ahahah! James Sirius is a bit of a prat, I agree! And yeah, I had a feeling you had a liking in him... ;)

And, yes, poor Al... but one day he'll win for sure. :P

Yes, that sentence always sounded awkward to me, too, but I'm too lazy to edit... but, yeah, I totally agree with you and I think your solution works really well.

So glad you enjoyed the story! Thank you so much for the review!

Grazie, cara!

Chiara



Name: Rumpelstiltskin (Signed) · Date: 02 Dec 2017 03:54 PM · [Report This]
Story:The Flobberworm Race Chapter: Chapter 1

Hello!

 

This is absolutely adorable! I love the idea of Albus trying to race flobberworms against James! It's such a silly thing to do and is absolutely perfect for the kids, as Al is taking it oh-so-seriously (though, I have heard that flobberworm racing can be some serious business)! I also thoroughly love how enthusiastic Lily is for Al to win! Go, Al, go! Victoire and Teddy arguing in the background is also quite funny.

 

What's even better is that neither of the flobberworms actually did anything at the start of match. Rose chiming in, of course, with the I-told-you-so seemed extremely fitting, given that she is Hermione's daughter, afterall. 

 

Then, of course, the aftermath, when the kids come home filthy, is quite funny as well.  I absolutely love how James jumps in with some fantastical story that he's concocted as to how he had become so dirty. And, of course, their sister wasn't there for the 'interesting part', after the 'boring' flobberworm race. And grounded. Ah, childhood.

 

This was perfectly cute and funny!

 

-Rumpels



Author's Response:

Hi again, dear!

Aww, I'm so glad you found this adorable... Ahahah! Yes, flobberworm races are very serious! :P Poor Albus just wanted to show that he was equal to his older brother (which I guess is sort of adorable). So glad you also liked Lily cheering for Al and Victoire and Ted arguing in the background. :)

Ahahah! Yes, as serious as the children might find the race, I doubt the flobberworms would... :P And yes, Rose is just like her mother. :P

I'm so glad you enjoyed the aftermath as well, and James telling his adventurous cover up story. :P

Thank you so much for the review, glad you enjoyed this!

Chiara



Name: Dojh167 (Signed) · Date: 02 Dec 2017 03:07 PM · starstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:The Flobberworm Race Chapter: Chapter 1

This story is hilarious and precious!

 

What funny kids, all so excited about a flobberworm race! I mean, did they think it would be any more exciting than normal flobberworms? XD I love that in the end James and Albus end up very amused with the day’s antics.

 

I’m used to seeing Rose as quite the adventurous or defiant one, but the Rose in this story clearly takes after her mother’s rule following ways, apparently to her siblings’ annoyance.

 

You did a great job of bringing all of the children and their vibrant personalities to life, however briefly. There was a lot of them, but you still captured them with little details, like Teddy and Victoire fighting.

 

Baha, I don’t know who’s more disappointed - Ginny over the fact that they made a mess and lied, or Harry that the excuse was so much more boring than a dragon. James super animatedly telling the story was very cute.

 

Sam.



Author's Response:

Hi again, Sam! :P

Ahahah! I'm so happy you ejoyed this little episode! :) It is quite silly to imagine that anything exciting could come from trying to race flobberworms, but this is what children do, isn't it?

I'm glad you liked Rose, I like to imagine her very alike her mother. Yes, she would be quite annoying for her cousins. :P I'm also glad you could see the different personalities, even if it's only brief introductions.

Ahahah! I daresay Ginny was more disappointed, I think Harry was actually quite amused by everything. :P Happy you found James telling the story cute! :)

Thank you so much!

Chiara



Name: pookha (Signed) · Date: 11 Aug 2017 07:13 PM · [Report This]
Story:The Flobberworm Race Chapter: Chapter 1

I quite enjoyed this short story and it shows the differences between the boys quite clearly. It also shows how different Lily is from the boys, with their vivid imaginations and desire to avoid punishment for their crime of getting dirty.

I also quite like Harry just taking it in stride. He remembers what it was like to be a little boy and I think wishes that he could have had a more normal childhood like his kids are having. 

The flobberworm race also rings true for anyone who's caught an animal and tried to make it race with another. Untrained animals do what animals do, usually, and you did a great job showing that.

I also enjoy Teddy and Victoire arguing in the background.



Author's Response:

Hi, Pookha! I'm taking some time today to reply reviews. :D

I'm happy you decided to read this, it's a piece that I wrote very quickly for the House Cup on HPFF but it's nice to receive some feedback on it. :)

I don't write next-gen often, but I do think the Potter siblings are a funny bunch. I'm happy you enjoyed their characterization, even in this little piece alone! :) Ahahah! They do have quite a vivid imagination! :P

Okay... I'm not exactly sure what "taking it in stride" means... *couch* but I'm so happy you liked Harry, too.

I remember that my friends and I used to do this with snails when we were little, and it didn't quite work, eheheh! :P

Glad you also enjoyed Teddy and Victorie! :D

Thank you for the sweet review!



Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 20 May 2017 02:47 AM · [Report This]
Story:The Flobberworm Race Chapter: Chapter 1

Chiii! I love this so much! The idea of James and Albus trying to race flobberworms is so funny. Even more boring than a snail race! I love how quickly everyone else got bored, and I love how James tried to create this huge story to cover up what they were really doing. So sweet <3



Author's Response:

Thank you, B! I'm so glad you enjoyed reading this!

Yeah, definitely boring! :P James would never admit that they were doing something that boring, would he?

Thank you for stopping by, I'm so glad you enjoyed reading this! *hug* *wub*



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