Reviews For Ashes of Eden

Name: dirigibleplums (Signed) · Date: 16 Jun 2017 01:57 PM · [Report This]
Story:Ashes of Eden Chapter: Prologue



With a summary like that, how could I not be sucked in? It caught my attention and this prologue kept it, though I have to admit that I might have let a little swear word slip out when I saw that there's only a prologue up so far. Ah, you're killing me already!


It goes without saying that you've left me with a million questions already. Of course, that's exactly what a prologue is supposed to do: set the scene and then leave 95% of it unexplained so that you read on (which I, for one, am definitely going to do when there's more chapters up). Everything just seems so messy. The clear guilt Lily feels combined with the wall she's thrown up because of Lysander's death is intriguing. I'm interested in seeing how it pans out, especially with that last ominous little bit about how everyone needs to know the truth about what happened. I get the feeling that whatever goes down between Lily and Lorcan will be even messier. The rage she alludes to combined with her shame and natural snark - colour me interested.


Aaajhh I'm so excited! 😄


I really like seeing Teddy as a therapist. I can honestly say I've never seen it done before. I've seen him as a young Auror and seen him as a Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher but never a therapist. Come to think of it, I've rarely ever seen any of the Next Gen kids as a therapist. It's not one of the big three (Healer - Auror - Quidditch player) so kudos for originality. I'm interested in seeing how Teddy's personality pans out too now. He and Lily clearly have a close relationship, especially if he's the only person she's opening up to about the whole ordeal, so it'll be lovely to see how that works out.


Great opening chapter/prologue!


Plums xo

Author's Response:

Hey Plums! 

Can I tell you how much this review made my day? I'm pretty sure I did, but it bears repeating. I feel like I should apologize for not writing fast enough XD

Yeah, Lily and Lorcan are definitely going to be messy and angry and just all around bad- at least at first.  I'm glad her wall still shines through even though she's opened herself up a bit toward Teddy at this point, but it'll be a whole different ballgame when she goes back to Hogwarts. 

I'm so happy you're excited! 

I feel like Teddy as a therapist just kind of makes sense to me? Like, after everything with his parents, I could see him wanting to help people through grief or whatever emotions they're feeling, the same way Harry and Ginny were able to for him.  (And also I was tired of the big three jobs for post-Hogwarts grads, haha.)  He'll definitely be poking in an out of the story even though she'll be away at school.

Thanks for this awesome review! ♥

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 16 May 2017 09:24 PM · [Report This]
Story:Ashes of Eden Chapter: Prologue

Jill! Hello lovely :) I've actually had this story open in a tab for a few days but this is the first chance I've had to actually read it - and I'm so glad that I did! Clearly I'm going to have to find some time in the future to set up camp on your page for a little while :P


This was a brilliant opening chapter! Which probably shouldn't surprise me after reading the first chapter of Two Birds, One Stone, because you have such a lovely writing style and you clearly put so much thought and consideration into your stories, but I was still really impressed with this.


I have so many questions! Lysander is dead? What happened? Why is Lily to blame? Is she actually responsible or is she just feeling guilty? Why is Lorca the one who's going to be more dangerous to the both of them?)


(See, I told you I had a lot of questions :P)


I loved the way that you opened this, easing us into the setting and the story really well. I think you did a great job not to introduce too many characters at once, and keeping this simple - having the two characters in this situation, skirting around a topic that we're begging to learn more about - was really effective in that.


Can I also just say that I love the fact you answer the questions that arise when I'm reading within a few lines of the narrative? I mean, it's probably unintentional (unless you're a Leglimens. I suppose I shouldn't rule that out as a possibility), but just as I was thinking "would Lily be allowed to attend counselling sessions with someone she knows so well? Wouldn't there be a conflict of interest?", you explain that away with the fact that Lily has clearly been unable to speak to anyone else.


I loved your characterisations of both Lily and Teddy here. Teddy was so sweet and gentle and concerned about her, but he managed to strike the right balance in getting her to talk to him and sometimes smile, rather than grating on her. And then Lily! I love her already - she's so strong and determined and passionate - but I also really just wanted to give her a hug because she's obviously been to hell and back this summer.


Seeing her this cagey in the safe space of the counselling office has me really intrigued for what Lily will be like in another setting, where there's more judgment and more emotion threatening her. 


The idea of the diary is a brilliant one! And I love that Lily loves to write. I suspect that's somethIng shared by a lot of people here, and it will endear her to us even more because of it :)


And back to the questions with the end of the chapter! I really, really want to know what happened with Lysander and what Lily's role in everything was, because it's so curious and compelling and dramatic and I have to find out more. Which means I'm allowed to pester you for updates too, yes? 


Sian :)

Author's Response:

Hello lovely Sian! I'd be more than happy if you want to set up camp on my AP. I should spend more time over at yours, too! 

A good first chapter leads to lots of questions ;) At least in a mystery. 

I'm glad it was effective; I figured that way they could just focus on the situation that brought Lily into Teddy's office and while they weren't outright talking about it, Teddy was still trying to ease it out of her as well.

Yeah, I figured that would be a thing that could come up and I just couldn't see Lily talking to a stranger about her feelings, haha! That's really why I decided on Teddy but I'm glad that overall response is a positive one. 

I love Lily so much too! She definitely could use a hug or three. And Teddy is adorable.

You can certainly pester me for updates!

Thanks for the great reviews and fantastic swap, we'll have to do it again! <3

Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 13 May 2017 01:22 PM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:Ashes of Eden Chapter: Prologue

Hi, Jill!

So, I decided to check this out, since you mentioned this story to me on Twitter.

Why there is always someone dead (in misterious circumstancies you aren't going to share for a while) and a protagonist who feels like it's their fault? (Yes, that's annoying... very much so... and very unfair to my poor heart... but I love you anyway!)

Teddy is so adorable! I love that he is sort of a psychologist, I can totally imagine him in that role (I have a soft spot for Lupins, I'm sure you never guessed... :P) I'm glad Lily felt comfortable opening up, at least to him. It's so important to have someone to talk to, and I'm glad she could find that in Teddy.

I really liked her portrayal as well, you can tell that she's a strong and determined girl. I wished she was a bit less proud and more honest with herself, but that's just not the person she is right now, right? I just hope she'll be okay.

Poor Lorcan, he must be really broken over his brother... I wonder how things will move from here (and of course I wonder what happened, but I know you'll let us know in due time)

Such great job, just as always. Your writing is always so lovely and you have a really great talent at conveying emotions. I really loved this first chapter and I'm already impatient for more.

Lots of love, my beautiful Jill!


Author's Response:

Chiara, you caught me! I have a trope. *hides* 

Yesss, it really is so important to have someone to talk to.  And Teddy, I think, is the perfect choice - he's family, but he's not so close where she would feel obligated to talk to him and not like she was talking to a real adult, y'know?

Lily is definitely strong, determined, and proud. I guess it's those Potter genes? XD As for her being okay... I guess we'll have to go through the story to find out!

And yep. What kind of author would I be if I told you all the answers right away? But Lorcan is definitely heartbroken and that's important to remember.

Thank you so much, Chiara! 

Name: TidalDragon (Signed) · Date: 11 May 2017 03:12 AM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:Ashes of Eden Chapter: Prologue

Howdy Jill!


I had to stop here first not because it was at the top, but because the summary was so well-written. Kudos on that first because it really creates a sense of intrigue that - for me anyway - makes passing unavoidable.


And now the story itself! With the opening dialogue I wasn't quite sure what to expect. I can definitely see Teddy being a much older big brother to Lily (II) and I still sort of get the feeling that's the case here, but you added the dimension of Teddy's career as a psychologist (?), therapist (?), whatever-the-magical-world calls it. I think including that element also created this neat ability to tease out the situation that Lily (II) is in at the start of the novel factually, while also portraying a lot about not just her mental/emotional state, but also how her character copes with crisis. It will be interesting to see that play out as the story goes forward and see how the clash between the surface-of-certainty versus the inner turmoil plays out.


Of course I would be remiss if I didn't comment on the mechanics of the story as well, which I think were also strong. Though you avoid showy prose, I think your straightforward descriptions work well. First, with the dialogue tags they still contain movement and dimension, but the efficiency of those allowed the reader to absorb the significance of the dialogue - particularly in the case of Lily (II). In addition, I'd like to think from Lily (II)'s POV it was purposeful in showing her mental state too. She's moving fast and simple. She's still struggling to cope.


And then you left us with the heavy hanger at the end. A dramatic conclusion to a chapter dripping with tension that dovetails beautifully with the summary. I'm excited to see where it goes.

Author's Response:

Hello Kevin! 

Thank you thank you! I worked a bit on the summary, so I'm glad that it comes across as effective. :P 

I'm so glad you enjoyed the Lily/Teddy dynamic. He's definitely like a much older brother, but I feel like there's enough of an age difference where she would be able to respect him, y'know? Not that I don't think she wouldn't respect anyone else.  And you're right- Lily in Teddy's office is going to be completely different than Lily back at Hogwarts. 

You've hit the nail on the head with Lily's characterization. I hadn't really meant for it to show in the prose itself, but I'm glad it works! I've never really been one for showy prose anyway, haha. Straightforward and to the point is more my style... while being in denial about things. 

Thank you for the awesome review and swap! <3

Name: TreacleTart (Signed) · Date: 08 May 2017 04:22 PM · [Report This]
Story:Ashes of Eden Chapter: Prologue

Hey Jill!


I'm here for our review swap!


I'm excited to see that your starting a new story. I'm even more excited that it's a next generation piece. Lily 2 is one of my favorite next gen characters and I love the Scamander twins as well, so I'm really curious to see where you take this. 


Teddy makes for a cool cool choice of counselor. He seems to be reasonable and I'm glad he isn't treating Lily like she's made of glass. I do think he's right about her needing to talk about it though. I hope she doesn't lock herself away.


I have to admit that I'm curious to see where you take this death mystery. Your other story dealt with the guilt from a friend's death so well, so I'm curious to see what you'll do with this one.


You're off to a great start so far! I'll certainly be back for more!



Author's Response:

Kaitlin yay hi!

Yesss I've been growing to love Lily 2 as well from working on this piece. I mean, she's Harry and Ginny's daughter, so of course she's going to be awesome. Or at least I hope she is! XD

I'm glad you also enjoyed Teddy.  I thought it was important that she had at least *one* person who knew everything that she could rely on, and it's even more important in those situations that he doesn't treat her like glass. And she does need to talk - and she will. Eventually.

Thanks! I absolutely have a trope, have you noticed that? XD I'm glad that means you're excited about this one because the circumstances are completely different, and I just hope I can do the story justice. 

Thanks for the review! <3

Name: Crimson Quill (Signed) · Date: 07 May 2017 04:41 PM · starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Story:Ashes of Eden Chapter: Prologue



So new story! How exciting! So I've been interested in this for a while since you mentioned it and the first chapter, Wow. It's really kicked up my excitement for the story with such a ‘bam' ending too. I can't wait to see where you're going with this.


I adore Lily's characterization in this first chapter with her struggle with coming to term with those events and how she has to be strong. I think your writing always get me how it's never too over dramatic that you're so good at balancing out the emotions of your characters in a very real and hard hitting way. I love the way you've been teasing all chapter about what's happened and what is to come from this story, little hints. It's so effective!


he was a hot-wire two sparks away from an explosion < what a description, I'm interested to see Lorcan being brought into the story. It seems like a lot of of tension is going to between those two. I feel watching their relationship play out in future is going to be electric. I'm wondering if Teddy is a trained councillor then? Or he is just someone helping Lily through this tough situation? I enjoy their dynamic during the chapter. They seem to have a really strong relationship which is a really nice aspect of the story considering it's probably going to be more than a bit emotional. Lily will probably be needing that support.

The ending of this chapter was so blunt and really effective. I need to know what happened on ‘that' night and this chapter was really captured my attention and curiosity! I can't wait for the next installment of this. 

Author's Response:


New story yay! I'm definitely not ignoring my other projects with this one.  

I'm so so so happy you love Lily! She's based off of one of my original characters whom I adore, and she's a bit, erm, complicated, so it makes me smile that she's coming across so well here thus far.  And also that the hints are effective! You know me, gotta land you with loads of questions before the story even starts. 

I loooove that description of Lorcan; it's literally perfect.  There's absolutely going to be a lot of tension between them and I'm excited to write their relationship. Teddy *is* a trained counselor; I'm not really sure why I made that ambiguous, haha! He's definitely been her rock this summer and his help will help her cope even when she's not near him. 

Thanks for the awesome review! I hope you won't have to wait too long! <3

Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 07 May 2017 10:03 AM · [Report This]
Story:Ashes of Eden Chapter: Prologue


OMG the title! It's amazing! 

And such a fantastic prologue. I am sucked in straight away. You're so good at creating suspense and mystery, and a story with dark undertones. It's why I expect great things from this story, and I know you're capable of doing it justice, depsite your doubts <3

Teddy is such a doll, God bless his little soul. I'm glad Lily has at least one person she can trust. Who knows what might happen if she doesn't. I'm looking forward to finding out more about what happened to poor Lysander too, and how Lily was involved. 

Amazing work, my love! I'm glad you uploaded so I can squee officially! <3

Author's Response:

Good morning! (Or night, since it's night here.)

The title is so perfect! I'm glad I found that it fits. :D 

Shhh I don't know about justice but I'm glad you have faith in me!

I LOVE TEDDY I WANT TO SQUISH HIM! He's the greatest, and definitely a good person for Lily to lean on during this time of crisis.  Well, you already know a little bit of what happened but I'm excited for it to play out in the story. 

Thanks for the official squee, my love! <3 

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