Voldemort on holiday sounded like 100% the story I needed to read. Omg, this is brilliant.
He felt a great sense of pride (or maybe it was indigestion, Pettigrew was a poor cook) -- Haha! XD
The idea of Voldemort and all his Death Eaters gathered on the beach drinking pina coladas just made my day. Who says Death Eaters can't have fun? :P Voldemort's hat also made my day. And Snape, being annoyed and petty about the fact that he didn't get a little umbrella in his drink too. Although, Lucius in a skull speedo is a mental image I very much could have done without, thank you :P
This is irrelevant but I love that they chose to go to Puerto Rico. I used to live there! :P
Voldemort had been practicing hugs in the dungeon! :'D Did he practice by hugging himself? Or hugging empty air? Ah well, whatever the case, I'm glad he feels he's mastered the art of the hug... but I know that three years later he's still bad at it (case in point: Draco Malfoy), so maybe he should have practiced longer.
I also love the saga about Severus and the sunscreen and the nose sunburn. Perhaps Voldy really lucked out not having a nose, because it's always the first thing to get burnt! And the constant references to everyone's white pasty skin and skinny legs, because they spend all their time plotting evil and never have time to get out into the sun :P
Thank goodness for Voldemort's emergency floaties! Sidenote, he'd be such a good lifeguard. Always prepared with emergency flotation devices and never has to worry about a sunburnt nose. Well, I guess there's the issue that he'd leave all the Muggles to drown...
This was hilarious! Thanks for sharing :D
Hey Deeds! It's high time I stopped by your AP to check out your stories, especially this one as it's been nominated for FROGS and I've heard how hilarous it is!
I'm so, so glad I read this - I was in need of a really good laugh this morning, and this story certainly provided it in spades! SO many things I cackled about, beginning with Voldemort's frequent references to noses and ending with the floaties. OMG, the floaties! I was almost crying by that point!
I loved how Voldemort was pleased to acquire thumbs, how he was planning on ridding the world of useless fathers (with muggleborn/muggle deaths taking second stage), Severus's doubtful interjections, a holiday to Puerto Rico (I LOVE the way that Voldemort just casually threw that idea out to the Death Eaters). Bellatrix wanting to wrestle a shark. The green pina colada drinks umbrella. The Death Eaters in speedos was an image I didn't need, but thanks for that anyway ;) Voldemort's orange swimming costume with "Evil, but loveable" - that reminded me in a way of Dr Evil from Austin Powers!
The funniest line for me was when Voldemort offered Snape a hug "Come here, big guy, you deserve it" Good grief! The idea of Voldemort hugging anyone is just so far-fetched and alien that it was just genius.
Just in case you couldn't work it out from the above review - I loved loved loved this story! Just what I needed to cheer me up - thank you!
Hi, Alyssa. I laughed to find this and instantly finished reading. I couldn’t stop laughing to the end. There are some fun spots I’d like to let you know:
1. if he did kill the boy Voldemort wondered for a moment if he would be able to borrow his nose. (why do we feel so funny for his nose?)
2 Bellatrix Lestrange said, stepping forward and falling to the floor like she had lost all of the bones in her body. She was such a dutiful severant. Sometimes he wondered if he needed another body if she would willingly give hers up. Though Voldemort wasn’t sure he would enjoy being a woman. He figured breast would slow him down and they weren’t that menacing. Though she did have a nose but Voldemort was certain he couldn’t take himself seriously with her lady parts. (sorry, almost whole, but it’s really funny!)
3 his idiotic Death Eaters scratched their heads—besides Bellatrix who had of course rushed off to get everything packed—and wondered quite loudly if Voldemort had gone mad. (Funny Bellatrix, even her service, you made funny!)
4 Severus was certain he did not want to see what Voldemort was hiding underneath his robes (I couldn't supress my laugh, either.)
5 He was more annoyed that the cabana boy hadn’t brought his drink with a tiny green umbrella like everyone else’s. He hated feeling excluded (especially, “the part, a tiny green umbrella” :D )
6 he tried his hardest to swallow it down as Voldemort appeared in his vision with the Carrows walking protectively by his sides. He was wearing an orange swimming suit with the words ‘Evil but Loveable’ in red print on his chest. He had on black sandals that revealed his crusty long black toenails and a beige fishing hat that read, ‘I defeated Death.’ (LOL and LOL)
OMG, I held my breath Voldemort would kill Snape to get his nose for his laughing!
7 Albus Dumbledore was probably rolling around in his grave. (I could visualize like anime or potter puppet show on youtube)
8 Voldemort rose and pushed Lucius aside, pulled the floaties up to his bicep and excitedly walked towards the crystal blue water. (never ending comedy, you are really funny!)
9 Bellatrix!” he shouted, flapping his arms as he tried to reach her. Bellatrix yelped, pushing her sopping dark black hair back and spluttering as another wave hit her. “Do you know how to swim?” he questioned, voice filled with concern. He couldn’t afford to lose someone as loyal as her. “I could give you a floaty. I have an extra pair in my bag.” (sorry again, almost whole, you are genius, Alyssa!)
10 Voldemort was of course always prepared for an emergency (Now I’m crying after laughing so many times!)
Kenny! I LOVE this review. It feels like I'm reading the story all over again. I have to admit I had a lot of fun writing it. I think Voldemort was very sensitive about not having a nose. I mean, don't people always want what they can't have? Even villains? Can you imagine Voldemort with breast? Can you imagine Voldemort with breasts and as Bellatrix? Oh god. It's a horrible image. I think she would be thrilled to switch places with him though. She'd do it in a heartbeat.
Poor Snape. I really threw him to the wolves in this one. I just love to add him and his dry humor in these types of stories. Severus doesn't even have to try hard to be funny. He just has to be there. And come on, the umbrella HAS to be green! This was fun. This was a great review. I laughed at all the same parts. I'm rather shameless. Poor Voldemort! I can't wait to write him again! Kenny thank you for the awesome review as always!
I love you when you're silly!
Who wouldn't want a nice, relaxing vacation after arranging the murder of the most powerful wizard in the world? Your only real rival and the only one you ever feared. It's time for a celebration.
Your stories are all about the details and this one did not disappoint. Voldemort's nose envy, Draco's perpetually knocking knees, Snape's pale skin, Peter's fawning subservience and Bellatrix's just plain insanity. All of the little things fall into place and they keep coming back at all the right moments.
Peter seems kind of like the slow child who has to be told not to eat sand at the beach.
I absolutely adore Voldemort's outfit, especially the fishing hat.
Now, all Severus wanted to do was return to the dungeons and not stare at Lucius Malfoy’s hairless white chest, nearly translucent legs and skull speedo. -- Now there's an image I won't be getting out of my head anytime soon. I'm going to send you a bill for the therapy.
Aww... Snape gets his own awkward hug. That's quite a reward.
I sort of hoped that Bella would find a shark, as long as it was big enough to properly maim her. If it was a small shark, I wouldn't really wish that on the shark.
OK, the floaties were the cherry on top.
I love when I'm silly too! Being silly is fun. Is it bad that now I have an idea for a whole mini seris about Voldemort? He started speed dating in my head last night. He also had a bit of a facebook wall posting war with Harry. Spoiler alert: Harry won. Also, he was a judge on 'Dancing With the Death Eaters.' I have no life. I know.
LOL poor Peter. I think he was just relieved he didn't have to take care of Voldemort. He got a vacation! He's such a lucky servant.
Can you imagine Voldemort fishing? It's officially his favorite pasttime. I have declared it.
You know I love my Lucius Malfoy with his luscious locks. Unfortunately he's pretty much hairless elsewhere.
Unfortunately it wasn't shark week so no shark for Bellatrix Black. I think she would have been able to tame the shark though and then it would had done her bidding. She could have went to war at sea. Bellatrix vs. Posiedon, who will win? I think Bella by a long shot.
Voldemort doesn't want to drown. I mean who does? Ya know?
THANKS SO MUCH FOR THIS WONDERFUL REVIEW.