Hi! I am here to review for the April 2019 Capture the Flag team Gold.
I simply loved the line about Scorpius looking like a wretched goblin, starved for attention. In fact, this whole description of the Slytherin Common Room is nicely done. It sounds luxurious and a bit mysterious.
Things seem tense between Scorpius and Albus in this scene. Why is Albus buckling down, I wonder? Is it just that he’s close to graduating and adulthood, or is it something else? And why is Scorpius still action so nonchalant?
The idea of Rose Weasley breaking up a party with booze is pretty funny. And that her boyfriend then stayed to consume said booze. I wonder how long they are going to last.
And, what went on with Miranda and Scorpius? Was it serious? Why did it end? I did think his reaction to his ex-girlfriend’s friend was pretty funny—that he can’t stand her now that he doesn’t have Miranda to distract him from her.
Ooo, this is an interesting moment with Miranda. What on earth happened between them and what are they trying to make happen now? Are they just fighting with each other? Are they just trying to hurt each other? Are they sorry it’s over?
Goodness, after that conversation with Scorpius and Albus I’m even more curious to know what happened. Why would it have this polarizing effect at the school too?
Hmmm, curiouser and curiouser. Did things get rough between Miranda and Scorpius? Why doesn’t he want anyone to know the truth?
Lots of questions! Nice chapter.
I'm back and obsessed with this story and your characters. I feel really bad for Scorpius, he's clearly going through a rough time of things post-break up and this Miranda sounds like a piece of work. What on Earth did he get accused of? Clearly whatever it is, Rose won't be happy - "Besides, if the truth came out, you know you'd have to do fifty rounds with Weasley." - That's rather interesting, so I'll be looking for that when the truth eventually spills. I wonder why he and Rose are so hostile... Is it a bit of rivalry like Ron joked about in the epilogue? It is a shame Albus is in the middle of their bickering.
I like that Albus just knew things weren't good and went after his friend following the Miranda confrontation, despite having work to do. He seemed to know a fly would help get Scorpius to open up a bit. They're clearly such good friends and know each other's quirks.
My favourite was:
‘Some day, Scorpius, people are going to realise that you're a good guy after all.'
‘I want to be there on that day.' Scorpius flung his broom to the right, and punched the Quaffle away from Albus' latest, heavily distracted strike. ‘It'll be really cool to see it rain fire.'
It was all so beautifully written and I'm just off to devour the rest of it!
Tasha xxFor Gryffindor's CTF - Team Gold
Hi! I am here to review for the April 2019 Capture the Flag.
I want to start by saying that this is one of the most appealing Next Gen story that I have read thus far. Your Scorpius is so cool, confident, and self assured. I love his banter, how he carries himself, how he is studying the madhouse that is leaving for the new school year and his thoughts about all of it. I adore that he plays the guitar—why wasn’t there more about the arts in JKR’s books? I’ve wondered whether or not students at Hogwarts participated in art or music, and I’m glad to see here that Scorpius has taken up an instrument—even if it is mostly to annoy his father.
This brings me to my first question: why is Draco not there to see off his son, and why is Scorpius wanting to keep his father hidden?
What a great choice it was to make the gang that Scorpius encounters a group of Hufflepuff toughs. It’s so fun to see some playing against type here. I loved your description of the muscle-bound Hector Flynn. He was spot on and I had to laugh at the thought of him trying to compete in witty repartee with Scorpius. It’s also interesting that he’s dating Rose Weasley. And is Scorpius interested in Rose as well? Hard to say at this point.
The picture of Al being so burly and coming to back up Scorpius was another fine one. I love the pair that these two make.
Scorpius seems to be working very hard to be all things to all people. He banters with the other students, tries to please the girls, tries to please the Potters and the Weasleys—it seems a bit exhausting. I wonder who he is really and who sees his real self. It’s nice to see Harry take an interest in Scorpius, even if Scorpius wants to blow the older man off. And I giggled at the moment when Scorpius notices the similarities between Hermione and Rose. Two peas in a pod indeed.
I felt sorry for Scorpius when he is alone on the train. Al has to go off with the prefects and he is left to fend for himself. It becomes clear then that he doesn’t have that many friends after all—as aloof as he acts. The bit about Methuselah was hysterical—that with that name he must have been born at the age of 80.
I loved the part when Scorpius overhears Rose talking about another boy being a better kisser than Hector. And it’s so interesting that her favorite thing about Hector a[appears to be that he’s kind of dumb and ‘easy to manage.’ I suspect that Rose can do much better, and I hope she will by the end of the story.
All in all, a nice start! I like how you laid a good foundation. Scorpius is especially well delineated in this chapter and I want to know him better. Nice work!
I've been meaning to stop by this story for the longest time, so here I am! I already love this, so, so much!! Your characters are amazing and I think the contrast between Al and Scorpius is perfect. Al's the level-headed one who tries to keep the peace and Scorpius is the cheeky one, who seems to really like the ladies - though it seems some of them don't really like him all that much if those choccies are anything to go by!
I adored the interaction between all the families on the platform and how they really didn't know what to do with Scorpius. It makes a bit of a change from the two best friends living in each other's pockets in the holidays and I really loved that aspect. I especially liked Harry telling him he was glad he was Al's friend - I feel like he could tell home life wasn't the best and of course, Harry knows exactly how that feels. Also, I liked that he plays the guitar, it just seems like an interesting character quirk to have and a rather unusual one for a pureblood, being a muggle instrument.
I thought this whole chapter was beautifully written and loved that we got to know your characters so well already. I'm really looking forward to seeing how Rose thaws and begins to warm to Scorpius, especially after that ending!
I also LOVE that this is set to be a trilogy as it means I have LOADS more to read and I can't wait! Great job!
Tasha - Gryffindor CTF - Team Gold xxx
Much progress after disappointment with Rose and himself after rant against Albus. It's a great relief for Scorp, there Lockett cleared she could be trusted for everything related to curing mental (?) disease affected by dementors or the curse Thane cast. And she gave even advice to let him trust himself without minding judgement from the others.
I wonder whether Astoria would have sent a letter to Scorp if Draco had informed her what was going on at Hogwarts.
Selena is hard to describe who she really is, I mean she is wise enough to let Scorp do useful things for others despite the fact he didn't think so, rather he thought she had almost no brain to understand Jones or his theory. As a result, thanks to Selena's instruction, Scorp found his place, for the first time (putting aside Acromantula's skin), I think he felt he could do something useful for his friends.
A great chapter, always.
Though the question why Thane chose to let them go is still unanswered, it's a great relief Scorp and Rose could report about their secret mission for Acromantula's skin.
I remembered Snape reading the spot how Lockett reacted to their explanation. Gradually I could imagine her characteristics as I read your story.
As so many Scorose fictions are seen in the fanfiction world, your writing style gives us fresh new impression about the ship. Small amount of romance is good enough after adventurous or action, a good one.
I really like how you wrote Albus in this chapter. His words, his behavior reminds us of his father.
A great chapter, always.
oh well, I seem to have been skipping two chapters before I realized I should have been back to the previous chapter... anyway, I figured out what Hermione told Scorp about Lockett's past. It seems that Lockett had her reason for getting involved in the case which let her send her colleagues to Azkaban.
Finally, Scorp had a chance to kiss Rose and she had a feeling towards him as well. I feel like reading what emotion she had at that moment.
The episode that Hermione overlapped Harry and Ron in Albus and Rose is very impressive. I like the idea that she trusted Scorp beliving what Harry told her about him.
It's sad to read Scorp's angst again at the conversation with Hermione. On the contrary, I like the spot, the team work, Scorp and Harley. I hope the symptom won't get worse.
oops, I was skipping to the next chapter by accident, my real life... yes, I noticed my mistake after I read a few lines in the next chapter.
The guy's past was revealed. I am sure Prometheus had survived and Scorp was right.
As I read some hints in the next chapter, there are two points I noticed about the cause of the curse : spelling or potions. The process to invent new magical logic based on J.K.Rowling's world must have cost you much energy. I wonder how long and far you had prepared before writing.
Rose's attitude towards Scorp is changing little by little, the pace is good without rush.
Poor Scorp. He could only get a disappointing message from Draco after the hardship, even if his parents going abroad. Wait... I expect they will give him information about Prometheus later, hopefully they are travelling to the southern America. Anyway, I was thrilled at the famous map which appeared from Al's delivery. I had expected it would be Harry to offer a help, but it's satisfying that James sent it.
A great chapter, always.
As Scorp respected Lockett, Lockett also understood him as well. I like the relationship between the student and the teacher. She knew what was great in his characteristics and voiced it out as a kind of compliment in her way.
Selena is getting an important role as the story goes, she let Rose recognize the truth about Scorp and Selena got closer to Jones. I predict new romance is happening...
Finally, Scorp found he could be useful for everyone. Nine children, the answer of the riddle, I almost could guess, but an axe... ?
The name of the winner of 2009 Duelling Club Champion is named after one of Greek Gods. The background story of the god is dreadful to imagine. So many chapters to go. I expect the golden trio will enter later or soon to solve the case?
Just very impressed by the last dialogues between Rose and Albus. I wonder the sixteenagers in real life could exchange such an intelligent conversation like them. I mean I like how you ended this chapter with lots of emotions, caring each other. So beautiful.
Back to the first half of this story. Much progress from Scorp's memory. I am so excited the mystery was partially revealed. As the title says, I have burning questions right now. Why were they afraid of Harry Potter's son and his relatives? Are the culprits completely on the bad side or just reckless warlocks who were obsessed with the experiment using ancient magic?
What is fascinating in your story is that, I repeat again, the protagonist is not a perfect hero. Scorp often does stupid things from Rose's aspect, however, he did try his best, which we feel for him. A great chapter, always.
This chapter is really good with action scenes and thrill.
It's good that the protagonist is not a super hero. Scorp tried to exceed the Redcaps, but he failed, which we can enjoy reading.
I like how you described Albus, who was not a perfect hero, too. But he knew when to give up and retreat, and you wrote his green eyes to show his determination effectively, I am very impressed.
However Scorp didn't give up, though it was reckless, he tried his best and ended in self-hit, embarrassing state, as a result Rose came to help him. That's a nice plot, always.
Confined into the quarantine zone, Scorp tried to live or survive those dull normalcy, or serving as a tea boy for Rose and others who manipulate things under control. I came to enjoy this survival game you created.
Still, there is small angst. The head of Hogwarts kitchen house-elves had had grudge against Scorp since Lucius and Draco treated them badly.
The legged crates Hermione activated with her magic sounds very J.K.Rowling-ish idea. I like it. I wonder reading Albus Potter's effort to scrutinize school's ward, he may be able to conjure his silvery Patronus sooner like his father.
I knew the answer to the Ravenclaw's door knocker's riddle! I also enjoyed the spot how Scorp tried to let Methuselah join the team Rose and Lockett even if he knew Methuselah wouldn't.
You set one more hurdle to overcome for Scorp and Albus. Who on earth set the trap? Redcaps! I googled wiki and saw the picture of them. I expect action scene next! Go fight, Scorp!
@ Magical Menagerie 2, Team Griffin
A great chapter again! Many developments. Much progress. I am thinking what the title, "Irons in the Fire" means. I wonder if irons are the uninfected members of Hogwarts with support from Hermione. I could guess what was coming next! Hermione's silvery otter! It's plausible that she could develop its ability to communicate with them.
You set the hurdle each character of yours had to overcome, using each ability in full force. I really love the way how you created each character.
Lockett is written as a potioneer who has no confidence around the field she has not experienced, Hermione ignited her (a kind of) pride as a potion professional.
Selena surprised the others telling the basic around Dark Magic and her communication ability with Foreman, Harley is useful.
Albus fits in the right place along with his father's reputation and Rose who will be in charge of greenhouse as well.
The spot how Rose showed her weakness talking with her mother's Patronus in person from Scorp's POV is impressive.
And Scorp's care about her is found here and there including the conversation with Selena about Rose's unkempt hair.
Methuselah has not taken active part yet, he still seems to have simulated some cases only in his brain, I guess he will be a good assistant of Lockett.
Poor Scorp. It was him who defended Lockett when Selena criticized her, however, it was clear Lockett didn't trust him. I am getting to like his personality more as I keep reading this story.
@ Magical Menagerie 2, Team Griffin
The first half, I held my breath being afraid that my guess was wrong. I wondered if the neo Death Eaters or evil new leader like Umbridge and her followers were up to something. The descriptions of Rose's determination preparing for the next move in front of the room with the door ajar is marvelous. I like her choice pondering what Ron would do under the same situation.
I also enjoyed the process how Rose and Scorp came to work together for the same goal to have the house-elves do betterment for peoole in Hogwarts. I am very satisfied with the result. Readers feel very proud of the scene. I like how you described the relationship, Rose began to see Scorp with her different perspective after the team work in the kitchen.
After having proper dinner, they seemed to be contended for a while. But the story has just begun. You prepared more chapters. I wonder when Harry or Ron and Hermione will reach for them.
I'll be back.
@ Magical Menagerie 2, Team Griffin
My guess was right. The six people who had gone to the Forbidden Forest managed to survive the curse. I got relieved Lockett didn't forget her task as the only healthy professor in the castle. We feel for Rose who had tried her best as a substitute leader instead of the Headmaster, and then she had to worry about her brother, Hugo. It's hilarious you emphasized she didn't get weak as she noticed Scorp was the one of the cause. Her anger towards him ignited her lion heart to keep fighting.
The idea, using chocolate frog cards to summon the golden trio sounds nice, the readers surely expect their support, but you didn't end so easily.
My next guess was that Scorp might think of asking house-elves for help or informing predicament of Hogwarts at least, like Harry got help from Aberforth via Dobby's support. But alas, it's ironic that Hermione set up the system they wouldn't do extra work for wizards and witches, even under the serious circumstances.
I wish Lockett or Scorp and his friends will find a clue to ask help outside Hogwarts soon!
@ Magical Menagerie 2, Team Griffin
What I thought it very creative is that you put the words praising nature beauty here and there, which I noticed in the previous chapters as well. The mission was very dark, but the weather is fine as usual, without being waylaid.
Hahaha, I like Jones who knew Scorp very well, “his reluctance wouldn’t last”. As I expected, Jones will be his best mate from here!
A map of Forbidden Forest”! A very nice idea!
Well, my guess so far, the situation that Scorp and Jones are both hale and hearty, the people including professor Lockett, were in the forest couldn’t be cursed at that time. Ah, I like the timing, how Hugo joined them, I really like it, including the way how he entered the scene, his flying on his broom. And I really like the new trio. I love each dialogue and description, the process you created, finally Jones and Scorp let Hugo in.
I was very impressed by Methuselah’s perspective reading people’s mind. “We all require approval. It reinforces that we are behaving as we ought…” And he knew himself and their response towards his true words which sounded harsh to the others. I am struck with awe again by your talent to create each character.
The description of the route until they reached to the spot Scorp was going to climb the tree is very creative. I don’t think even J.K.Rowling had ever written about the forest so in detail in her books.
Wow…the next scene is terrific! Hugo is my star! That was the moment I felt happy with a fan of your works! I held my breath when Methuselah couldn’t summon his Patronus like Harry. Hugo saved both, Scorp and Methuselah.
Oh…no… after his heroic action, Hugo was the victim. Now Methuselah, your turn, please be the hero for us! Find the clue to the horrible ritual!
@ Magical Menagerie 1, Team Wyvern
This chapter has a big turning point. His trust towards the adults being betrayed (agh, professor Lockett, I understand her, I might do the same thing in my real life under the severe circumstances) and his best friends suffered from unidentified infectious disease, even Scorp's best mate Albus had to be with Lily , who did understand Scorp, seemed to be infected (or affected by the curse Scorp witnessed in the forest?). Still, Albus was supportive towards Scorp (before Lily succumbed to the disease) , responding with his wan smile, which Scorp must be thankful for under the serious circumstances.
You sow the seeds, the expectation that new friendship would be born through this predicament happening in Hogwarts, the friendship between Jones and Scorp and his righteous indignation which had been hidden was revealed. This ignition will make Scorp a hero of this story, I expect. Perhaps panicked Rose will see him in a different POV from the one in the past she had towards Scorp, if the trial is done successfully by Jones and Scorp.
I smiled at the riddle of the door knocker at the Ravenclaw Tower and Scorp's reaction. You thought of a nice riddle at the good timing of the scene. The limited situation let the Slytherin think the plan pestering through the night, which he had been dismissing caring about his best mate's opinion.
I enjoyed how quickly Hogwarts fell into hell from the protagonist's POV, how he ignited his fighting spirit. All descriptions are great as usual. I am very curious to know how and when Albus will take action along with Scorp.
@ Magical Menagerie 1, Team Wyvern
Doubling my reading of this and the last chapter with helping catch a creature for The Magical Menagerie.
Goodness, the way you write is just brilliant. I honestly envy your descriptions, your dialogues, your prose. Everything Is just so beautiful and poetically put, it’s a joy to read. I couldn’t be happier that I’m re-reading your story to be honest.
I really like the way you have Rose wishing she could still have intellectual discussions with Mathias although she prefers Hector’s good looks. Because both the things she likes/gives more importance about both boys is something we know she’ll later find in Scorpius, and until then it’s nice to see her struggle a little to try and compensate what she doesn’t have at the moment or didn’t have before.
I’m so glad things are finally starting to be set into motion with all five of them in detention! Can’t wait to come back and read what comes next :)
Finally back for Chapter 3!
Scorpius’ dislike for Rose at this point of the story is so incredibly amusing, I kept smiling and laughing throughout the chapter. While he may have gone a little overboard with the prank, I have no doubt at this point Rose would have likely done the same. She’s probably even more bummed that she didn’t come up with the same idea before he did.
Also, Rose reminded me of Hermione so much in this chapter, it’s uncanny. I loved her characterization, well done. Not to mention your attention to detail in the descriptions throughout the chapter. They felt so real it was like I could easily see myself in the classroom with them!
Invoking the mortal sin had me laughing, even though poor Albus is the one suffering with Scorpius’ and Rose’s antics. Detention shall be fun *smirks*
Last but not least, I remember before finding Professor Lockett an intriguing character, and it still stands true, no matter that I remember parts of what will happen with her character and not.
Can’t wait to continue ^^
Scorp lapped up his best mate's friendship like a loyal dog. I may like this chapter the best so far. Albus had priority over anything in caring him rather than accusing him for what he had done in the past.
Rose surely cared him, too, even after Albus urged her to do for Scorp. In the first half, the whole world came back as normal for Scorp, from his perspective, everything was alright, he simply felt happy with it.
I also like Lily in your story, the banter, playing with the Latin words, their conversation. Her perspective towards Scorp is accurate and thoughtful. I felt happy reading their friendship, too.
Each description per each emotional movement is written well as usual.
What your story is great, I think the readers can enjoy mystery and action blended with friendship and angst. Even the anti-protagonist takes the important role in the story. What on earth was happening to Miranda Traverse?! I wonder if she had been cursed by the wizards in the forbidden forest. Or did she know something related with the incident they encoutnered in the previous chapter? You set up mystery after mystery. I am so hooked.
@ Magical Menagerie 1 Team Wyvern
Hey there! Here for Chapter 2 :)
Going back to your story now, afater having had the chance to watch The Cursed Child performance at the Palace Theatre, really makes me think you've captured Scorpius perfectly in this story. I was already a fan before (seriously, this trilogy might just be one of the best works of fiction I've ever read and I read a lot), but putting things in perspective now is so much better. I'm really glad I came back to the story.
Also, Scorpius telling Selena that he was consulting for Albus had me cracking up!
I'm really sorry for the way Miranda is dealing with Scorpius, and for the lies that she's told and made everyone believe. He's obviously a good bloke, not wanting to tarnish her reputation knowing that his will not recover even if the truth comes out. I do want to know what they're keeping from Rose though (I don't much remember what happened, but I think it involved Flynn? Not sure).
Anyway I'm loving Scorpius and Rose's animosity, and poor Al stuck in the middle! It's a shame though that Rose believed the lies going around about Scorpius, but I know it'll all come out eventually so I'm not too worried. Plus I love me a little drama ^^
Lovely chapter. Be back soon for more.
Favourite quote: «"Come, now, Weasley - I know that would be a dark, dark deed indeed, but I am not responsible for the existence of Hector Flynn. You'll have to take that up with his mother."» - This made me laugh out loud and think that Scorpius probably has a repertoire of snarky comments to make about Flynn at any given time xD
Hi! I came back! I really enjoyed this chapter from Scorp's POV. He always tried to catch Rose's heart towards him.
First, they had been arguing, worried about their parents who would be informed what they had done. (mostly Scorp was to blame.) It's a fun read Scorp got angry at Rose's words about his father Draco. I sensed Ron-ish in her attitude and Scorp showed his pride. I thought it interesting.
And I got thrilled when I spotted it was Albus who found centaurs coming fast and he yanked Scorp along. So cool, he behaved like his father, Harry.
It was a sweet moment that he clutched at her hand for dear life, she squeezed back just as tightly though he got dived into cover before Rose, which showed he was surely Slytherin. Then he showed chivalry later, volunteered to spy what was the cause. This time he was supposed to be a hero, however, things didn't go so easily.
I'm looking forward to reading next, I couldn't go next in the previous site due to various reasons.
If Scorp could find what was happening there, Rose would change her impression towards him.
Hi! I came back to your story. Firstly, your CI looks so cool!
This chapter is mostly written from Rose's POV and I enjoyed it very much. The scene when she struggled to find the best practical clothing including Artemis is fun and later, she found only ex-boyfriend and Scorp notice her wearing, I enjoyed reading her mind movement.
I'm jealous that you can create so many characters in one chapter, each character is breathing and talking as if they really exist. Still my favorite is Albus who doesn't have a chance to talk so much compared with Scorp or other characters here. Mostly, he has Harry's characteristics, that's the reason why I am happy to spot him the most.
As I read the following chapters before in the previous site, I am sure Professor Lockett has conspiracy or something may control her?
It's an interesting read, I spotted, Methuselah's opinion around Lockett,
"I simply queried her aptitude at student management. Not her credentials as a Potions Expert." I wonder which house he belongs to. Sounds like Ravenclaw or Slytherin. Did I miss your mentioning about his house?
OOhhh, the Forbidden Forest! Mystery begins. I will come back.