Oh god I was not prepared for this at all. My dad died well over ten years ago now and all the feels I had then just came flying right back in my face. This is just so true and real and heartbreaking. That fourth stanza especially, “but souls don’t talk, don’t hug, don’t stroke/Souls need bodies to laugh and cry” SO MANY FEELS. As comforting as it is to imagine that the people who love us never really leave us, the truth is, they kind of do. Being there in spirit is not the same as being there in person.
I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with these emotions. They’re the worst.
Katie! *hug* *hug* *hug*
Sorry for reminding you of bad times... it does never really stop hurting, does it? I'm so, so sorry that you experienced all this too... *more hugs*
I don't really have much to say in answer to this, except sending you all the Pygmy Puff's cuddles!
Love you, my sweet owner!
I’ve been reading a lot of poems on the archive today (mostly being amazed that people can write poetry in the first place) and I was excited to find one by you!
And you sure don’t disappoint - this is really good! I would never have thought of the plane metaphor you use here, but you use it too perfectly. I hate that you’ve had the opportunity to know how to write these feelings so well.
Argh. “You have too much pain, I have too much pain.” That’s the kind of painful juxtaposition I love.
There is so much painful and powerful imagery here. Like the use of “you fell,” with its’ multiple meanings, all relevant.
Too many feelings: “But souls don’t talk, don’t hug, don’t stroke.”
The doubting of the speaker wondering if she’s made her parents proud or disappointed hurts my heart. Of course they’d be proud of her, but I can’t argue with that genuine doubt when I haven’t been in that position.
I want to hug you a lot now, okay? And this is a snowball fight, so you know what that means ;) <3
Thank you so much for this review, I'm so glad you liked the poem.
I'm actually never really sure how to reply to reviews on this, except saying thank you so much. It's always so nice to know that people are touched by this and even if it's painful I'm glad I could share those feelings to an extent.
Snowball hug rolling right back! Love you so much!
I'm here for our review swap, I'm sorry that I'm a bit late *hides*, I've had the honour reading quite a bit of your hp fiction so I thought I would come and give some love to your OF. I knew this was nominated for a FROG so it was very highly thought of! I was so not ready for this though, it's so beautiful!
I'm so impressed about how you've created such a beautiful flow through the whole poem that makes it work so well. I'm so glad that you've shared with us because it's so emotional, the fact that you've chosen to write about such a personal piece is so wonderful. I really feel so much emotion in this piece, the pain of the lost child was so real and raw. it's such a short poem but the impact of this on the reader (on me!) is amazing. I really feel all the pain of the longing and mourning, you've highlighted how the relationship between children/parents is so special.
I'm finding it so difficult to pick out my favourite line from this but I think it's 'that place... to say hello, to shed a tear, to send a flying kiss' - it's a really powerful line which fits in so perfectly with the paragraph.
I love the fourth paragraph because it's a really hard concept to realise that while someone who has died is still with you when they really aren't. the concept of a 'soul' is a wonderful thing but difficult thing to believe in sometimes, the soul is beautiful but it's not the same without a physical being like that is so deep. I'm not really sure that I have the right words to describe how goregous and emotional this piece really is. I don't feel like I'm doing a good job of it.
I think this is probably my favourite thing that I've read by you because you incorporate such deep themes but in such a stylish beautiful way. you feel the pain of this character but it doesn't feel overly 'angsty'. it's just wonderful and stunning piece.
- Abbi xo
No worries, I'm late with this reply, so we are even.
So first, thank you for stopping by and leaving such a lovely review here. I'm always a bit scared when people read this and it's always so hard to find the right words to reply to reviews, but I will try...
I'm glad (probably not the right word, but you know what I mean) that you found the poem beautiful and that you could feel the impact of the emotions and all the pain of mourning. It was sort of hard to reverse all this in verses, but it did help to let it go a little.
The fourth paragraph... well, it's just not the same, right? Like, soul is a beautiful concept, like you say, and imagining the people we lost to still be near us in some way is conforting, but there's just something that's missing and will never be there again and it is so hard to accept.
Once again, thank you for this lovely review. It really means a lot that you liked this and that you could feel all the emotions.
All my love,
I had tears in my eyes before I even started reading this - just from reading the summary I knew it was going to get me in the feels. (It did.) First, you are so brave to share something so deeply personal and put all your feelings out there into the world, and I hope writing and sharing it helped a little. It did for me (I think we've talked about this). The emotion in this is so raw and vulnerable and it makes me want to fly over there and hug you right now. It's so hard to lose people close to you, especially when they're still young, and you show that so powerfully in this. You say so much in so few words, it's really incredible.
The imagery of the planes bookending the poem is such a great touch. And that verse about souls being with you forever but they're not able to hug and laugh and cry - gah, this is so beautiful. This may be one of the best ways I've ever seen that feeling described, the way death kind of leaves a hole where there should be a laughing, living person. and the bit about 'could I have done something more' - the guilt that often goes along with losing someone, and I relate so much. it cuts me straight to the heart.
As for the verse after it, I'm sure you did make them proud. After all, you are such an amazing and generous and thoughtful and intelligent person and talented writer besides, so how could they not be proud? ♥
Omg Chiara, this was so powerful and moving, and so beautifully written. I'm so glad you shared it, even though I know it must have been hard to, and of course I'm so sorry about the events that caused you to write it.
All my love and hugs ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Aww, Kristin! *hug* *hug* *hug*
First of all, sorry if I'm replying only now, I've been so bad at replying to reviews lately... and this was so full of love and I adore you and I feel so bad for not answering sooner...
We've talked about this, and I guess writing this did help a little. Even if I'm not sure if the pain will ever go away completely. Thank you for saying that this poem touched you, and I'm so sorry about everything you've gone through as well...
I actually don't know what to say, except thank you! Thank you for being the wonderful friend you are, thank you for listening to my ramblings and for being there for me. And thank you for all those nice things you said about me, I'm not sure I deserve all the compliments, but I still appreciate them!
Snowball hug, my love!
Chiara! So, I read this story last night as I was trying to read some things that I could nominate for Best Original Fiction, and I've read it multiple times since then, and it's taken me a while to find the words that are appropriate for this story; I'm not sure that I'm really able to do this poem justice now, but I will try.
Thank you so, so much for sharing this piece, Chiara. I'm honestly so in awe of you for sharing something so personal, and it's brilliantly brave of you. You're wonderful <3
This poem was so wonderful and poignant. The emotions in it were so raw and real, and I could feel them as I read this poem. I wanted to hop on a plane and come over and just give you so many hugs. I know you've talked a little bit about your loss, and the words feel empty to say I'm sorry for it, but this poem shows some (I can't imagine that I can ever feel all of what you're feeling until I experience it myself) of how deep that loss has been to you.
I loved the imagery in this piece, especially the way that you incorporated the crumbs from Hansel and Gretel - it added a lovely, fairytale dimension to the poem and showed how lost and empty you feel because of your loss.
It is true, in a way, that the people we've loved never truly leave us, but I thought you captured how unhelpful that sentiment can feel brilliantly in the stanza when you talk about how souls need bodies to enjoy life; it's the tiny things that we miss about the people that we love and you weren't afraid to show that.
The ending was beautiful - poignant and touching, the way that the planes were incorporated because it was a special place to you because of the memories. I also loved the way you could think about it more metaphorically, as well, in the sense that you can witness all the comings and goings and know that there will be meetings again one day.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Chiara, I loved it <3
First of all, thank you for stopping by, I'm so glad you "liked" this. And honestly, I wonder if I'll be able to do your review justice with my answer.
HPFT is my family, and I just needed to share all these feelings with you... doing it through poetry was so much simpler, in a way... I still have trouble talking about it, it makes it even more real, if you know what I mean.
I'm glad you loved the imagery, the crumbs bit was meant exactly to express that feeling of being lost and helpless, I'm glad it helped understanding it.
I just miss having them around, talking to them, even fighting with them... that sentiment can truly be unhelpful...
Thank you so much for this wonderful review, it really makes me so glad that you could feel and understand it all so deeply. And I also just wanted to tell you that, even if I don't know you as well as I would like, I think you are a wonderful, compassionate person, and I'm so happy we've grown a tiny bit closer recently.
Thank you again and much, much love!
You are so brave to share something so close to your heart, but I'm really glad that you did. This is so beautiful and deserves to be shown to the world.
This is my favourite part: They say you're here, with me forever. They say your souls are by my side. But souls don't talk, don't hug, don't stroke. Souls need bodies to laugh and cry.
It just really, really spoke to me. When my best friend died, I was told the whole "living for two" thing, but it's just not the same and never will be the same. I love how you wrote about the planes, it's just beautiful.
I love you so much, and thank you again for sharing <3
Thank you, I'm so glad I did it, too, because of all the wonderful support I knew you all would give me!
I'm so sorry about your loss (I remember you mentioning it on Skype, but I think we never truly spoke about it...), it must've been so terrible. No, you're right, it's not the same and it will never be... still, we do need to go on for them... I think? *hugs*
Thank you so much, B! You are such a great friend and you know how much I love you and how much your support is important to me. I really don't know where I would be now without you!
Tons of hugs and love,
I want to give you a hug after reading this! This was such a touching poem. The emotions it were so poignant and moving.
I know a little about your loss from what you've told me, but this poem really helps me to understand the depths of your feeling and just how tangible that loss is for you. *hugs*
For me, this also brings up a lot of feelings. I just lost both my grandma and grandpa a couple of months ago. They died within a month of each other and it was one of the roughest things I'd ever been through. Watching them die and trying to make them comfortable made me feel so helpless. The loss of them in my life has left a big gaping hole.
I know that nothing I could ever say would make you feel better, but for what it's worth, I know your parents are watching over you and I know they are very proud of the woman you've become.
Sending you all my hugs and love.
Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving such a wonderful review! I always find it so difficult to actually talk about my feelings, especially about this, and this was my way to share them with our wonderful community that I see like a second family, so I'm glad this touched you.
I'm so sorry you've been through all that with your grandparents, I can understand you so well, taking care of someone dear and then seeing them die is so emotionally draining... *so many hugs*
Thank you, it actually makes me feel much better knowing that you think that. I hope you are right.
Thank you so, so, so much for being the amazing, supportive, generous person you are and for granting me your beautiful friendship.
All my love,
Oh my goodness, Chiara. *sobs* This is beautiful and devastating. Thank you so much for sharing your words with us, even though it's scary. I love every single word of this, and most of all the "crumbs" reference because I love fairy tales.
Honestly, I don't have any more words right now. I love this and I love you and please know I'm alwayd here for you.
ALL THE HUGS
Aww, Renee... I'm sorry for making you cry...
I'm so glad you thought this was beautiful, and I can't even begin to tell you how much this review made me grateful and how much I appreciate your friendship. Your support in these... how much is it, two years? has been so precious to me, I just can't thank you enough for being there and listen to my rambling and just being amazingly generous and supportive and... well, the point is, I adore you!
So many hugs for you too!