Hi, Bianca. Thank you for posting at my storyï¼ˆthe dragon Tale) challenge. I just stopped by dropping a Happy New Year review.
So many favorite visual descriptions in your story : his shining black shoes soon caked in it. / the birds that whizzed past him sung an irritatingly cheerful.
I imagine Finn suffers from having low blood pressure as he can't get up enough early not to be late for the classes. His mate's using Latin, "carpe diem" sounds cool.
I feel for McCroy's satchel's mismatched buttons sewn which reminded Finn of her grandfather who died in the Muggle (the First?) war.
The spot, Finn's arm was tickled by McCroy's long braid fallen. I guess romance will happen later...Jameson's attitude is typical Pure-blood-ish one, I reckon. Finn will betray his expectation. The most intriguing part is why Grindelwald believes the child is the key to Potter handing over what he desires. And I wonder if Tom had already known it.
I felt the Dark era coming reading the latter part of this chapter along with Finn's cousin who suffered shameless bully and Tom's demand for the school's student records sounds ominous.
Hi Bianca!! So I figured that Post-Hero I should come back and give this a reread. You know, in the correct order this time. So here I am, armed with reviews and a severe amount of NOT OKAY because of our lost Blishwick. (Conveniently the end of chapter also takes place in a dungeon so I'm counting this for the Haunted House!)
You don't hang around with the emotional gut punch, do you? The opening line, the echos to the closing of Hero- It's perfect and heartbreaking (B, why did you have to do this to me??!!). Your descriptions are incredible. Within a few lines you've managed to paint a picture of Finn's grief and his resentment of going back to school (which instantly seem connected) by doing no more than showing him look out of the window and describing the storm outside. It's lovley and metaphorical and beautifully done.
Having just read Hero and come back I loved the amount of detail and depth you've put into Finn's character. While he still seems this shallow, arrogant boy there is so much more there. From his self-loathing for not helping Hero with lines like "It seemed a reasonable punishment" to the heavy reliance on his family name to help him, there is so much more to him than shown before. As for the rest of the Blishwicks, I am furious with them. Hearing their reactions to her death I'm thinking yes, they are parents who've just lost a child but if they had shown her any love during her life then she would still be alive and aghhh! It's horrific. They care, clearly, but it's too little far to late!
I'm getting a bit too Heroie, back to Finn!
The scene in the classroom is fantastic. Finn's disinterest in the lesson, his ease amongst his Death Eaterish friends and his casual mention of using unforgivable curses set him up wonderfully. Sure, there's no O in Imperius but there's two in absolute asshole. He sets my teeth on edge but tbh I love me a bad boy. His character is addictive. Must be that Blishwick charm...
Bingley's introduction is amazing (I know I'm biased, I've read the rest of the story already) but she's wonderful! She irritates Finn so much, right from the offset. There's already a chemistry there, even in this short glimpse of her that we get.
I LOVE your Tom. The ring, the quiet, calm control and that authority - You've got him nailed! Finn almost seems like his second, but he seems to see the edge to him already but there's still that need to please him. Showing that in a character as up himself as Finn is difficult but you've done it so well.
This review is far longer than intended and I've used up all my words for "really really good" but there's just so much to say. You've packed so much into the first chapter and have set this story up to be a work of art. From the first line to the last I am once again captivated and totally heartbroken for Finn and Hero. I can't wait for the rest of the re-read and to properly sort my thoughts out on this story.
Onto the next chapter!
It's so close to being over. I'm terrified O.O.
Ooooh that makes sense. He's going to Godrics Hallow. Go, Finn, go! He's going looking for the Potter's and the Cloak of Invisibility! That's a beautiful plan! And he mananged to find Fleamont...even better. Now he's just got to figure out how to explain everything. But, oh no! He doesn't believe him...why would he? Of course he thinks that Finn is just trying to get the Invisibility Cloak to give to Grindelwald -- how could he not think that? Oh my gosh, this is such a disaster. And, to make matters worse, Henry Potter is dead and Finn only has letters as proof. What is he supposed to do?
Oh my gosh -- it's an ambush! Of course Tom would use this to his advantage. Bianca! Why? Now they have Fleamont and Finn still doesn't have the Invisibility Cloak! Wait! Yes he does! Aha! Yeah, Finn, hide that! Hide that somewhere where Tom will never, ever find it! So...Fleamont was captured but at least Finn has the Invisibility Cloak. Hopefully Fleamont is okay :/.
Now I just need to know what Finlay plans to do with the Cloak. I also hope that the Cloak is going to be safe in Finn's trunk. So, he plans on handing over the Invisibility Cloak to Grindelwald in attempt to get him to spare Brindley (and Fleamont)? I do admire that he prefers to remain anonymous. Finn's come a long way since the beginning of the story (and especially since Hero, because he and I still need to have a talk about the way he acted in what I've read in Hero so far). And I wonder what Fletcher is thinking about all this while he writes it...hahaha, poor guy probably hasn't known so much excitement before.
BIANCA HOW COULD YOU! You made her find the letter?! After all of that?! And Finn doesn't even get a chance to explain. *falls over* just leave me here to die. I mean, yeah, it looks BAD. It looks really bad. But he's just trying to protect her! I can't even. AND now what's going on in the castle? My heart can't take any more, I swear to something that gets sworn to.
And the Hills girl was killed. Because Finn led Grindelwald to believe that she was the Potter child. Oh. My. God. And Brindley hates Finn and Finn hates himself and I CAN'T. And Brindley is lost and Finn is going to be a hero -- what is he going to to now?!AND EVEN MORE PLOT TWISTING! IT WAS SEBASTIAN?! HE TOLD TOM ABOUT BRINDLEY?! Oh no no no no no. Bianca. WHAT. HAVE. YOU. DONE.
[Quadpot | Round Two | Theme: "War"]
O/ Hi again!
Heck yeah! The Finn x Brindley ship is sailing and it is sailing fast! I'm going to overlook the fact that you've got Brindley on double-death detail and pretent like you're going to fix everything at the end in a glorious resolution of the ages. I'm entirely ignoring the fact that even though Finn's mom sang love songs and that love songs used to make him sick, except now BRINDLEY, is going to end in some tragic fate. Because my heart. And Finn's heart and Finn is putting his heart WAY out on the line for her because he loves her and FATE dammit.
I mean, come on! He took her to a freaking mountaintop to dance for crying out loud! I love their teasing, as always, and how stubborn and arrogant Finn can be. And they danced together on that mountain top! My heart is actually melting, how freaking adorable can these two get? With the dancing and the happy and the kissing and the carrying Brindley into the tent -- oh hey, hot damn! Alrighty. I'm absolutely down for some kissing and hand exploring and whatever the heck else these two want to do because they are in LOVE! And I love that he's so careful with her!
They. Have. Matching. Birthmark/Scars! I told you it was fate! <3 I'm so in love with these two I actually can't handle myself. That's why I hate the feeling that you're going to swoop in and KILL ME at the end of this. But for now, I'm just happy that they got to be together and everything was happy and romantic. Finn is going to try to protect her and he's always going to be strong in her eyes and this Rumpels is going to be bawling like a baby when I get to the end.
I wonder -- is that the Gaunt ring?? Also, I don't expect that Tom will be overly thrilled when he wakes up to find that his coat and ring are missing :/. Also, also, I haven't finished Hero yet, but I read enough to know that her death must be plauging Finn. I really love this little aside, where she's there speaking to him, as if she was always there. Don't trust Tom. I guess Hero should know that best of all. And it's the stone in the ring that's making him see her, right? And now Brindley's there! The puzzle pieces are almost all together. I'm so excited! Except, you know, if you kill Brindley I might not be able to talk to you for like a month or so, :P.
My gods, you're breaking my heart! He's already lost Hero...does he really have to lose Brindley, too? And Tom openly admits that he murdered his family, because they were Muggles. Finn's finally, truly catchign on that Tom is, well, freaking insane.
HOW'S HE GOING TO DO IT? HE HAS A PLAN? AHH I'M EXCITED! GO FINN, GO!
[Quadpot | Match Two| Theme: "War"
Bianca, my dear!
Yes, I know what you're thinking. "It's really him! He's commenting on my fanfiction!" How interesting you would even consider writing in a time where I couldn't be featured. Perhaps you should think about adding in a timeturner scene in which I come back and destroy 'You-know-who' before he even has a chance to start all of his "taking over the Wizarding world" business. I do truly understand that it must be intimidating to try to encapsulate such a deep and wonderous man as I in writing, but it can be done. Have you read any of my books? I think you'll find them quite inspiring.
What a quandary our little Finlay has found himself in. While he's a clever lad, throwing them off the scent of his beloved Brindley, he's only done so on a temporary basis. Why, if he wanted to model himself after me, and why wouldn't he, he could simply go straight to the source and defeat Grindelwald while I take care of that Tom Riddle. What a tangled web you've weaved, making Brindley the Potter child, who was being heavily sought for slaughter, while simultaneously making Finn fall in love with her (and it's no secret at this point in the story where Finn's heart remains). What an extraordinary foe, love is. (It is no match for me, of course.) However, I do recognize that Finn is still young, yet. Afterall, I was just as much of a nobody when I was his age.
Secluding himself in solitude may perhaps not be the way to go, though great heroes (such as myself) tend to do their best work on their own. Speaking of Memory Charms, I have unbridled skill with them... in case anyone was in need of assistance. This Finlay seems to be hiding from his problems instead of facing them head-on! Surely with the amount of cleverness he has he could have found a way around taking the Dark Mark -- battling Tom Riddle in their private rooms. Surely, he could rid the common room of the fundraiser for Grindelwald, before battling it out with him in the name of righteousness and glory! Falling in line to these antagonists will only give them power. Surely someone like Finn can see this!
Ahh, the pieces of Ben's past are starting to conform into completed jigsaw form! See, what did I tell you about love being an unbridled beast -- a dangerous foe! How silly it is to damn someone based on whether they are attracted to men or women! Being a famous hero, myself, I have known many lovers -- witches, wizards, Muggles, and the like, and I dare someone to try to patronize me for my choice of lovers. At least Finn can see that those types of things don't matter. Aha! Ben finally calls our Finlay out on his love for Brindley. And those boys are right. It is always and WILL always be Tom Riddle. Which is why now is an amazing opportunity to strike!
I'm so happy to see that Finn is able to start his day off by seeing Brindley! What a sweet couple these two could make. Just putting it out there, but it is official. The Gilderoy Lockhart ships Finn and Brindley. A secret note? Could it be a love note? I cannot wait to find out. It's too bad that that dastardly foe, Tom Riddle had to come and put a kibosh in their young love yet again. Tom must be foolish to think a wizard as great as Dumbledore (some would say, a wizard nearly on my skill level) would be tricked and overcome by something as silly as snake-infused chocolates! You see -- he's onto them already! And throwing our poor, feeble Radbourne under the bus like that was simply not acceptable.
Ineed, Tom Riddle is foolish to not recognize and acknowledge the powers of love.
My inner fanboy is positively screaming! Finn and Brindley kissing secretly in the greenhouses! Be still my daring heart! What a tragic story you've paved for them. Even if they do manage to throw Grindelwald permanently off Brindley's scent, she's destined to die anyway! You should be asking yourself who the true villain is in this story! The antagonists, the curse, or the author! I fear that even I may not be able to overcome the heartbreak of this story. Unless, of course, you write a scene featuring me coming back in a time-turner to cure her! You do know that I once gave a Yeti a headcold, don't you?
Now is the perfect opportunity to strike down Grindelwald! Only a few of his men were on guard? Ha! Finn could easily overtake them! Or, at least, I could! That's it! I demand to be sent in as backup! How ever will Finlay escape the mess he's in this time! Oh, cliffhangers, some of my greatest foes!
Until next time,
Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class
[HC Finale | Wildcard]
O/ I'm here for our swap! I'll finish this story someday if it's the last thing I do! (I'm in love with the Blishwick Universe <33.) Anyway, here we go!
OMG THAT'S RIGHT! I forgot that the coup is where I had left off -- how exciting is that?! I can't exactly blame Finn for wanting to voice his concerns to Tom. Tom has proven time and again that he is not sympathetic and would most definitely view Finn's concerns as cowardice. He would probably also think that Finn was questioning him. Like, Finlay has SO much potential to be a good human -- I just want to get him away from Tom Riddle so badly so that he and Brindley can ride off into the proverbial sunset together. How dare you write a character who is doing bad things but has so much potential to be a good person! You're messing with my feels something fierce. Because, once again, as Finn gets swept up in the idea of glory, all I can do is shout FINLAY NO! as I watch on in horror.
OH snap. Yeah. Albus Dumbledore would be a HIGHLY problematic, no matter how much practice Finn put in during dueling practice. And neither he nor Tom are in disguise! Ahhh. That's not good...not good at all. I mean, it's probably good for the Ministry but not so much for Finn. Argh, see how conflicted you've made me?! Yes -- getting the heck out of there is very recommended...go, go, go! Oh no! What now? THEY WERE APPARATED TO FINN'S HOME?! THAT CANNOT BE GOOD. FINLAY GONNA BE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!
Oh god, they are in so much trouble. How in the world are they supposed to kill Dumbledore? One does not simply KILL Albus Dumbledore, as we've seen time and again. How the holy hell is Finn supposed to get himself out of this one without being murdered?! AND HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT BRINDLEY WHEN HE'S BEEN TAKEN OFF THE CASE?! AHH BIANCA WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MAH BABIES!? And, god, Bence is terrifying. AND HOW DID HIS PARENTS FIND OUT?! OMG! So much trouble, Finn. This is not a good night for him. He needs to go to bed and stay there.
Of course Tom won't let him go to bed. Poor Finn. OMG! Did Tom just give him the very first Dark Mark (or something to that extent)? Sweet Merlin's armpit! I really like the way you described the pain, and that it was so intense that he passed out, only to wake up with Malfoy staring at him. I wonder if Malfoy didalert Dumbledore to the whole coup thing, but I doubt it was him. He also doesn't seem to care too much about being handed Finn's assignment, but I hope he's a terrible detective for Brindely's sake. Despite everything, I'm glad that Malfoy has decided to help him out. He's right, not showing up for dinner would be suspicious.
I'm freaking out, though. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO BRINDLEY!? D:
Hooray! Some Finn and Brindley time! They really should spend more time together...and kissing. Because. They're adorable together and Brindley is so good for him (unlike Tom). Heheh, they're so cute, even when Brindley is snippy with him. WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S DYING? WHY DO YOU DO THESE THINGS TO ME D: . OMG MY HEART. BIANCA WHY!? NOT BRINDLEY. No, it's fine...Finn's going to both figure something out with the whole Potter's child thing and find a cure for whatever she's got going on. ...okay, I know that's a stretch but I am NOT prepared to face reality at the moment, thank you.
OMG GRINDELWALD. YOU KILLED HER MOTHER AND CURSED HER -- SHE'S DYING ANYWAY JUST LEAVE HER ALONE *cries*. I have n't come to terms with it either, Finn. D: I can't. I just can't. I'm like four seconds from throwing a temper tantrum and as an adult that's not pretty.
Just kick him where it hurts, Finn -- Ben doesn't need to reproduce anyway, he's a jerk. :(. OH GOSH. This. This is perfect! I mean, I feel incredibly bad for Hills but BUYING TIME IS IMPORTANT. BRINDLEY! :D I'M STILL INCREDIBLY MAD AT YOU FOR THE WHOLE I'M DYING BIT BUT THIS IS GOOD! :D
Thank you for the swap!
Transferred from the old hpff,
1st October 2016:
Hi, Bianca! Congrats, your work was chosen as the SoM! I love the first poem by an unknown author.
I've not read Pre-Hogwarts much before I entered the forums, then I've read not a few Dumbledore/Grindelwald stories and Marauder's era stories. You seemed to create the very different characters from the other authors, I think it must be more interesting.
The first description of Finn's watch with runes is interesting. I've watched the one with mathematics on the face a friend of mine shared the picture the other day, the one with runes sounds cool!
And the episode that he had a birth mark of an uruz rune on his hip is very mystic.
Finn's situation is perfect. He is not good at all subjects, thanks to his family's name and the donation, he could get back to Hogwarts, awesome. Oh,no, his twin sister died of the spider's bite? Too sad that only he had to return to Hogwarts.
Was "the Besmurten", Grindelwald's supporters created by you? It sounds intriguing.
The latter half descriptions about Slytherin boys and Tom with their secret chamber are terrific! I've never encountered such exciting depictions about the origin of the Death Eaters before. I'd like to continue reading what task Finn would accomplish bearing the pain towards his sister's death.
I'm here on behalf of our newsletter crew to leave you the review we owe you for leaving a nomination for the monthly awards. As you might've noticed, I'm starting on the second chapter. The reason for that is that I left the Be My Badger review on chapter 1, so I can't review that chapter again. Normally I wouldn't have said that, but I had to here because I didn't want you to think I skipped the first chapter. So yeah, that's why I'm here in the second chapter.
Anyway. I don't remember what I said in my Be My Badger review, so I apologize if I'm repeating myself, but I really love your descriptions. I very easily lose interest in a story if someone goes too overboard with descriptions or just don't include descriptions at all, but in this story, the descriptions were prefect! I could easily imagine everything happening in my head, and I love when authors write so well that I can do that! I really like your dialogues too. I always struggle with dialogues -I don't know why, but they always just end up sounding forced and I feel like I lose sight of the characters a little bit - so I'm always impressed when someone gets that right. Again, great job!
I also LOVE Brindley. I'm a little bit curious about her illness, I must admit, because I had assumed it would be some sort of asthma, but this chapter made me more unsure about that (I know I've read the whole story before, but I can't remember what the illness actually was). I really like that Brindley is not afraid to stand up to Finn, but that she's also genuinely kind and compassionate. And you know, it's ironic in a way because it doesn't look like any of Finn's friends can really see that he's still hurting after his twin sisters' death (though they might've in the last chapter and I just can't remember it), and then, Brindley, who he's not getting along with, actually notices this. I just find that very interesting.
And I just feel really sorry for Finn. As I think I said in my Be My Badger review, I haven't had a chance to read Hero yet so I don't know exactly what happened to his twin sister (though I understand from what I'm read that she was bit by a spider), but losing her can't have been easy for him. And then his father is putting pressure on him too. I just feel really sorry for him. But I have to say, I'm very curious about this job they're doing - finding the illegitimate Potter child. I'm really hoping that won't be Brindley, because I really like her, but then I also kind of feel like it might be Sebastian since he is adopted. Hm. I don't know. I'm curious to find out more about that.
All in all, this was another great chapter. Amazing job! Thanks for sharing! I hope to be back soon to review the next chapter!
My throat is closed with this unbelievable, overwhelming happiness, and I have never been happier in my life for two characters who have received the happy ending they’ve always deserved with each other, and I am so, so deliriously happy, and I think I’ve used the word “happy” way too many times already, but that’s just what I am right now.
I would like to express my utmost gratitude that you have not killed the light of my life, the beautiful, hilarious Brindley. I am so happy that she’s living the healthy life that she deserves right now, that she can laugh and smile and joke around without the cloud of her illness hanging over her.
The path getting there was so painful, though.
There was at one point in the middle of the chapter when it looked like all was lost, when Brindley’s body was limp and Finn was sobbing his heart out and his family wasn’t helping him, where I was absolutely on the brink of crying these horrifically ugly tears myself. Everything before that had seemed so hopeless, and Finn had just been delivered the emotionally traumatizing blow that Tom had murdered his sister (I should’ve known Tom would admit to it himself, like it was something to brag about), and it was just a horrible sort of despairing feeling that I had.
Finn punching Tom in the face is definitely something to cheer about, though.
This review is so out of order, but I think that Finn’s mother is a deeply underappreciated character. She has a stupidly controlling husband who’s working with the most dangerous people alive, but she’s still quietly working against them to protect Finn, and that touched me. I’m glad that Finn has grown to love and appreciate her more, now that he isn’t blindly following Tom around like a mindless crony, because she definitely deserves it. She wanted to save Brindley, too, just because she knew Finn loved her.
(I don’t even want to imagine the pain she’ll go through when Finn breaks the news of Hero’s murder. I wonder if he’ll tell his father, and if his father will still adore Tom like that?)
And after that emotionally agonizing first half, we have this beautiful scene by the sea, and your descriptions here are amazing, and did you know, you are perfectly cut out to be a fantasy YA author because just look at your writing. I’m in love.
These two are amazing together. I think it’s really, really hard to write a character like Finn, who starts off his journey as someone who feels inferior but doesn’t understand why and so he takes out his frustration on other people, like Brindley. I think it’s hard because it’s hard to make the arc work so that his bad history doesn’t leave a bad taste, but you managed to show Finn’s development through his relationship with Brindley, and I love how he takes care of her now and is a better person largely because she inspired him to be that way. And all these characteristics were within Finn to begin with, but he just wasn’t willing to dig them out at first, but now they’re here, and he’s happy, and she’s happy, and I’m happy. And there’s no lingering nastiness when I think of Finn, because he’s made horrible mistakes that he understands are horrible mistakes, and goodness you’re amazing. <3
I can’t believe they get a house together, too. That’s perfect. And their adorable little banter at the end there, where she jokes about housing insects...my heart omg. That entire last section was just beautiful in how you managed to show their happiness and their love for each other (and thank goodness for Fleamont helping them), and I’m glad that Finn isn’t forgetting his mistakes, like with Alenya Hills, but that he’s still moving forward with his own life.
Holy crap. I thought Hero wrecked me, but this happy ending wrecked me more, and I have so much love for this series. And I think I’m going to probably just sit here and not read any more fanfics for the next few days to fully recover emotionally from this hahaha.
Beautiful, Bianca. <3
I want to cry.
Why are your chapter elevens always so devastating? I was distraught at the events of Chapter Eleven in Hero, too, when Briony was in the Hospital wing and Tom’s creepiness was upped to an alarming degree and Emory discovered that Hero slept with Theo and Morgan was petrified right before a Quidditch game.
Except in this Chapter Eleven, Finn’s plans to quickly get the Invisibility Cloak and leave are foiled as he inadvertently ends up being followed and getting Fleamont captured (okay I will never hear that name and not want to crack up, what was Jo thinking); and Brindley discovers what he’s been hiding from her this entire time in literally the worst possible way; and Alenya Hills is killed because Finn gave her name to Grindelwald; and Sebastian was the one who stupidly believed Tom’s manipulations and helped him find Brindley; and now Finn has to fix everything.
Brindley needs to be okay, first off. I honestly have no idea what’ll happen if Tom hurts her in any way. Maybe Finn will bite his head off.
A girl can dream.
Most of all I feel so sorry for Sebastian. The kid has gone through a horrific amount of pain in the past year, and he doesn’t even realize what he’s doing is wrong, like he just thinks that he’s working to get his family back while also taking a bit of revenge in the process. And I feel badly for him that Finn didn’t support Sebastian as fully as he should (like, he should’ve listened to that really interesting bit about Scout before), and I’m just really, really sad for Sebastian. Though, how did he know that Brindley was the illegitimate child that Tom was searching for? And did Sebastian just not question Tom at all throughout this whole process of following him? Like, maybe “um Tom so why are we searching for the illegitimate child of a one Henry Potter again like what purpose does it serve in life?”
SEBASTIAN, YOU ARE NOT A VERY SMART KID.
Go go go Finn, you can do it. Please.
Someone’s going to die, I have such a bad feeling.
Someone save me from this heartbreaking misery of watching Finn witness Brindley become gradually more ill before his eyes. That list of things they do secretly together to spend as many precious seconds in the other’s company? Oh, it made my heart hurt so much. When Finn was reminiscing about his mother’s haunting lullaby, and he said that nowadays the thought of love didn’t make him gag like it used to... Excuse me while I go wail my sorrows in the shower.
You told me that Finn’s story was less heartbreaking than Hero’s, but here I am, ready to cry?? *sobs* I was completely unprepared for the emotional turmoil in this one, because it’s so different from the one in Hero, but I AM JUST AS UPSET. I don’t know what Finn’s going to do about having possibly condemned the wrong girl to an unjust death, to protect his love, but I also don’t want Brindley to die, and I think I understand Finn more than ever. When he pointed out that Brindley would probably walk straight to Grindelwald himself since she’s dying anyway, I actually winced because my heart hurt at how true it was.
He takes her up to the mountain, and this is it, nothing in the entire world is going to top the beautiful romance you’ve managed to capture between the two of them. They are so sweet that it hurts, like how she satisfies his vanity by acknowledging his handsomeness?? That’s so ridiculous but cute, and it’s an interaction that only Finn and Brindley can ever have because you’ve made these two wonderfully unique characters that have their own special quirks of speech and interaction, and can you tell how much I love these two? I love these two. When Brindley becomes so, so happy that he takes her to the mountain because of that conversation they had in the Owlery, I was just smiling alongside her because this is really sweet.
These two are just amazing together, and I love them. Their love scene was just beautiful, too, and also cute and funny and sweet, like I love how Finn points out that rune on her body. It’s actually kinda adorkable.
And after they go back, and Finn accidentally takes Tom’s coat and turns the Resurrection Stone ring around and sees Hero...well. My heart just about stopped. I’ve been missing Hero so much. And obviously so has Finn, because he’s her twin, and he’s just been beating himself up about her death all year, and oh my goodness this chapter was just designed to break my soul, wasn’t it. I WISH SHE HAD THE CHANCE TO TELL HIM ABOUT TOM. He was so close to discovering the truth.
Though now I’m worried that once he does discover it, he’s going to do something drastically stupid that will endanger everyone around him.
What’s Finn’s plan to deal with Tom and keep him away from Brindley? I feel so badly for Alenya Hills right now, ugh, but I also just want Brindley to be safe forever and ever and ever. <3
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS STORY OMG. <3
I have gotten a good night’s sleep, and am prepared to finish this beautiful story today.
I just realized a short while ago that both Finn and Brindley are your OCs, and when this occurred to me I just sat there stunned for five minutes. Because both of them are so real and familiar to me at this point, and I ship the two of them so much, that I just sort of accepted their presence in the story as canon?? Like, my brain was like, “At least one them has to be a canon character, otherwise you wouldn’t be this ridiculously invested in their story together,” but that turned out to not be the case. And holy crap, you’ve got me shipping an OC/OC like never before, and wow, I just love you and your writing and your characters so much omg.
Revelation aside, this review is coming like ten hours after I actually read this chapter, so here we go.
Wait, I just had another thought. This doesn’t quite qualify as a revelation, but just me hoping that Finn discovers the truth about Tom killing his sister sometime soon. Because Tom barely grieved, right? Would Finn find that strange, or would he just sort of accept it as Tom’s hidden emotions? Please, just let Finn get one good hit in when the truth about Tom comes out. I need Tom Riddle to feel pain for at least one second of his life.
Here we go, for real.
Finn’s dilemma is difficult, but I really think it’s not his decision to make. Brindley is a key factor in this whole thing, so I think the least he could do is tell her the truth about what’s going on. I doubt she’s going to enjoy the fact that he’s sacrificing another girl adopted by Muggles to save her; that’s going to hang over her head forever, because that’s the type of person Brindley is.
Also, we finally discover more about that Muggle Ben was seeing over the summer, and that makes Patrick a bigger idiot than I thought?? How disgusting is that, to taunt your brother over your family’s homophobia? Obviously Ben himself is full of nauseating prejudice against Muggles, but that really doesn’t excuse his father’s prejudice against gay people. Ugh that’s horrible. I feel vaguely ashamed of myself for not even considering that as one of the possibilities of Ben’s anguish. So does this mean that Radbourne likes Ben, too? And does this mean that Tom is a homophobe, in addition to being a blood-prejudiced murderer, or does he just not want his followers to be in a relationship?
Either way, I hate Tom.
That entire scene between Brindley and Finn is so sweet and so heartbreakingly beautiful. I am so relieved that she was honest about why she wanted to push him away, and that he was honest about his feelings towards her, because if she’d tried to pull any of that nonsense of pretending to suddenly hate him in order to push him away, I would have tried to reach through the screen to shake her by the shoulders haha. This scene has given me literally my all-time favorite line in all of the greatest romances: “I’d rather spend a few days with you, than years with anyone else.”
Oh, my heart. I think I’ve reread this section like ten times at this point, and each time, I’m left internally screaming at how beautiful and precious these two are, I can’t deal with it. Their kisses, their attempts to protect the other... It’s so heartbreaking. The thought of Brindley dying of her illness is making me want to cry. I think I might actually go into mourning if she does die at the end of this story, I’ve never loved a character so much in my life. And where will Finn be without the beautiful, brilliant Brindley next to him?
Ugh, Finn gets put under the Cruciatus Curse, and my heart hurts for him because he’s getting blamed for something that someone else did. So is it Tom that betrayed them, then? I’m so confused, because Tom was the only other person there at the Ministry, except Grindelwald didn’t seem to think of punishing Tom. (Unless it was either Sebastian or Malfoy??) Maybe Tom did this with the knowledge that Finn would be punished, but then why would Tom try to poison Dumbledore if he was the one who tipped Dumbledore off in the first place?
I NEED ANSWERS.
(This review feels like ten thousand times more coherent than all my sleep-deprived ones hahaha.)
Oh, dear. This chapter title actually sounds ominous.
Okay. Deep breath. Onto the chapter.
I need to know who this mole is. Who let Albus Dumbledore know that there would be a coup? Finn stupidly let it slip to Sebastian, so is it Sebastian? Is the person who told Albus Dumbledore about the coup the same person who told Jameson about Finn’s movie date with Brindley? Is it a Hufflepuff? Did someone follow Finn that night? In that case, I’m placing my bets on Sebastian, but I honestly don’t know.
I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS.
Tom is somehow growing more disturbing than he was back in Hero’s story. I didn’t think it was possible, but the fact that Finn was his first Dark Mark wearer is...nauseating to think about. Especially since Finn is really starting to not buy into all that stuff. And Finn really needs to start being nicer to Malfoy, I think. It’s strange to say this, but Malfoy honestly sounds kinda like a kid who’s seriously confused and needs to get his life straightened out (or, stop being prejudiced), and the fact that he really likes Briony seems to me that he won’t try and sabotage Finn? Unless Finn is right for once on this matter.
I DON’T KNOW BIANCA. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME AND MY SANITY.
She hasn’t even died yet and I’m already grieving. I’m hoping that they’ll find a way to cure her, that she’ll be okay, but I’m still sad. I’m sad for Finn, I’m sad for her. Is this the type of curse that Tom was looking into the other day? The kind that would slowly destroy someone from the inside out, festering until it grew into an uncontrollable disease? Did she get this because her mother died giving birth to her?
Brindley omg. <3
She got like two seconds with Finn before she’s ready to die, and I just don’t want her to die, I don’t. This is so sad, Bianca.
And is Finn really going to risk the life of another Muggle-born to protect his love? I mean... I can understand it, but I think it’s horribly selfish in a way. She doesn’t even know, and he’s not letting her know.
I’m so confused about what’s going to happen, and it’s getting ridiculously late, and I’m sure that my reviews are becoming these giant messes of rambles, but also I can’t seem to stop myself, so brace yourself for more dumb reviews, coming your way.
Normally I write these reviews after I finish reading the chapter, but I have some VERY IMPORTANT NOTES to make about my first impressions. Number one: that chapter summary is already the cutest thing ever, it’s like you’re trying to kill me with all the adorableness?? Number two: that quote is literally the sweetest thing I’ve ever read in my life, and I bet it describes Finn pretty well right now, doesn’t it? Number three: that chapter title sounds ominous.
Okay, onto the chapter.
Ohmygod this is the cutest thing I’ve read in my life, my stomach is twisting itself into knots from the utter delirium of happiness I’m feeling, my heart is so full of love for Brindley and her beauty and charm and adorableness, and I’m even feeling favorable towards Finn right now. Oh, my goodness. I’m so so happy right now from reading this chapter, I can’t even explain it??
First things first, though. So Brindley is the illegitimate child?? Why is her father’s name Harry instead of Henry? Is this a fake name? Also Invisibility Cloak omg that’s what ‘Ic’ stands for?? Obviously ‘G’ is Grindelwald, like Finn discovered, but oh my goodness. Grindelwald wants the Invisibility Cloak. But Brindley doesn’t have it, right? So how would finding the illegitimate child help Grindelwald’s cause? OH WAIT is he gonna use Brindley as leverage?
Oh, crap. Stay safe, Brindley darling.
BUT NOW LET’S TALK ABOUT FINN AND HIS COMPLETE RIDICULOUSNESS. He still denies his feelings when: 1) he literally has to physically check himself from running to her when she falls, 2) he lets a porlock bite him for the sake of checking up on her, 3) he literally walks up to her every time he sees her and talks to her, even though he’s trying to hide it all, 4) HE CALLS HER ‘B’ HE CALLS HER ‘B’ HE CALLS HER ‘B’ OHMYGOD, 5) HE KISSES HER AND HIS WORLD IS CHANGED AND THEY BUILD A FORT TOGETHER AND HE SMILES AT HER PICTURES AND HE KISSES HER FOREHEAD HOLY CRAP THEY ARE THE CUTEST PEOPLE ALIVE UGH.
(Can you tell I am completely delighted by this turn of events? I have a feeling that my current high will mean that the next chapter will be an unfortunate low.)
Unfortunately, Finn goes and ruins it all by going and snogging Lucretia, and then saying, “Brindley,” like. If you’re going to be an emotionally stupid idiot, at least try to do it with a little more grace?
Anyway, loved this chapter. My brain shortcircuited about halfway through from the cuteness. I love these two. Happy ending, please, I’m begging you.
ALMOST AN ENTIRE CHAPTER WITH BRINDLEY?? YAYAYAY.
(I would first like to berate Finn for not listening to his intelligent younger cousin about the suspicious school-goings of Scout. Because what is going on there? Hero mentioned something about it being vague in her story, as well, and now I’m just super curious.)
Finn’s love for Ancient Runes is oddly adorable. My heart swelled for him. And the fact that there was a Harry involved... I feel like Harry Potter (the one that’s the main character of the books) had another ancestor named Harry, but who knows. My Potter family tree knowledge is still embarrassingly rusty. I also have another speculation: What if that ‘Ic’ isn’t a typo after all? What if it does mean something, and because Finn doesn’t know what, he’s accidentally mistranslating it?
Okay and the entire rest of the chapter is so cute I was getting these happy fuzzy feelings in my stomach, and I’m so thankful to be able to ship this ship without feeling squeamish (Tom and Hero were shippable but also not shippable, if you know what I mean haha), AND FINN ALMOST COMPLIMENTED HER?? HOW CUTE IS THAT. And she brushed it off and was so freaking cute about it, and they are just so cute please just kiss already to satisfy my shipper cravings.
I love that she invited him. I love that Brindley’s this kind and forgiving, and willing to let Finn be himself, and can you imagine the kind of life Finn would live if he was a Muggle-born? How happy would he be? Also I thought it was hilarious that the Hufflepuffs just grudgingly accepted him (“That’s disgusting!” was so funny lmao), and I loved Brindley’s story and the fact that she was totally unaffected by Finn’s. I JUST LOVE YOUR CHARACTERS SO MUCH. My heart is just full of them right now.
It breaks my heart, actually, that Finn feels freer than he’s felt in a long time by doing this. Kids shouldn’t live their lives feeling miserable most of the time, so I’m so thankful to Brindley that she’s giving him this opportunity to be himself, and that she’s helping him a little. (I hope that someday he can do the same for her, help her through this mysterious illness she’s going through.) I think I would give anything to hear Brindley’s laugh. Finn says he hates it, but he’s an idiot, and is also probably lying haha.
They are so so cute omg I can’t take it it’s too cute and I’m using far too many capital letters alsdkgjls. <3
I have come to realize that Tom is like a controlling mother that kills people.
With that said, I’m going to go back to the beginning of the chapter haha. Unfortunately, Finn did in fact put the letter on the wrong desk, and I have never been unhappier to have been right about something. If his father is being put under the Cruciatus Curse constantly like this, no wonder he’s losing confidence in himself. At this point, even if it’s for Grindelwald, I just want Finn to do something right, so that he can stop hating himself and so that he can stop feeling guilty for constantly putting his family in danger (which really isn’t even his fault, like, Grindelwald really did not have to torture his father like that). But also I don’t want him to work for Grindelwald at all. It’s quite the dilemma.
And Sebastian?? I must admit, I’ve never even considered that option as a potential answer to the illegitimate child problem. However (and I truly hate to be saying this) but because Finn has not had a terribly good track record with his educational guesses, I’m going to assume he’s wrong on this count. His logic is slightly far-fetched, with Walker supposedly being a false name for Potter, and with the “adoption by Muggles” thing with Sebastian happening literally a month ago.
Now, onto the Controlling Mother Hen. It reminds me of what he tried to do with Hero: control what she does, how she feels, who she’s friends with, etc. Except he’s probably less invested in manipulating his friends as closely as he did Hero, so they still have more free will. So they go to Hogsmeade, and we discover the truth about Ben’s summer fling, and I’m honestly appalled that he can come back and support this blood purity nonsense after having liked a Muggle girl enough to snog her multiple times?? What kind of disgusting hypocrisy is this, I can’t believe him. Bigots are so hypocritical omg.
When Finn goes into the Hospital Wing and sees Brindley, and then mentions that it’s been a year since Hero died... Ugh, my heart. I miss Hero so much, and I can’t even imagine what Finn must be going through. It tickles me so much, the irony that he’s diligently following the murderer of his sister without blinking an eye, I could almost die. I’m glad that he managed to express his feelings like a normal human being for once instead of bottling them up for fear of being called “weak” though. Good job, Finn. Good job, Brindley. I love you, Brindley.
His feelings for her are growing, I can feel it in my bones.
AND SHE DRAGS HIM INTO A BROOM CLOSET. AND THEN BLACKMAILS HIM. She’s honestly a girl after my own heart, like, how wonderful is she? I could applaud and compliment you for days for writing a character with such a beautiful soul like her. And I love that she gave Finn something to do that he truly, genuinely enjoys (though of course he pretends otherwise because he’s an idiot) AND THIS IS SHAPING UP TO BE VERY CUTE I AM VERY EXCITED.
And the flirtation omg. It’s so cute that I’m almost not getting any secondhand embarrassment from it. Love love love these two. <3
That quote at the beginning must’ve been created for Finn, because it describes him to a T.
I would like to discuss how cowardly Finn is. That first scene, when Avery is purposefully filling the room with the smoke to hurt Brindley, Finn knows it’s wrong, and he agrees with Lestrange (I am appalled that I am on the same side as a Lestrange for once, but here we are), but for the sake of his pride and manliness or whatever, he’s siding with Avery. Normally I would compliment him for getting Patrick off of Brindley, but the fact that he saved Brindley seemed to be largely out of spite. Unless it’s because of his ridiculous denial of her attractiveness, in which case I’ll wholeheartedly support Finn.
Yeah, speaking of Patrick, I don’t like him. What he did to Brindley is nauseating, for one, and for another, he seems to be trying to get his brother in a spot of danger with Tom. He’s purposefully mentioning that Ben has a Muggle...friend? girlfriend? to Finn, who’s a part of the biggest blood purist group in school, and honestly it seems like he’s trying to get his brother hurt or something.
This chapter made me very happy, because it was about fifty percent Brindley, and the more Brindley, the better. She’s full of soul and excitement, and a surprising bit of mischief after she helped Finn swap the papers (he actually thought her wink was because she was trying to flirt? Really Finn? How embarrassing are you?) which made me feel even sorrier for her that Finn backstabbed her like that in choosing which department to go to. I’m glad she enjoyed herself in the end, though, and that Finn got to enjoy himself too with his knowledge of Ancient Runes (I have never felt prouder that a character gets to showcase their skills in what they love doing) even though they were stuck filing.
I have an uncomfortable suspicion that Finn put the letter thing on the wrong desk. Because he’s Finn, and he’s made mistakes like that before.
ALSO he learned the truth about mastilio spiders being generally harmless, and thank goodness for Brindley being here otherwise he might never have learned that fact. Does no one suspect Tom? Does his mother not suspect Tom? Hero was telling her that she needed to speak to Tom, so someone has to have thought that Tom had a hand, right? I just want someone to give Tom a good, fatal thwack to the head. Even if he doesn’t die per se, I would like for him to experience true pain for once in his life, like the pain he inflicts on others with his mind. However, because you have a tendency to create the most saddening stories in the world (which evokes the most delightful feelings of pain and grief in me that I’ve ever felt, like I actually enjoy feeling sad while I read your stories lmao), I have a feeling he’ll get away scot free with everything.
These two bonded, and that makes me so happy. He’s still stupidly aloof (“Yeah, it was alright,” he says to describe what is probably the most fun he’s had in forever) but it’s progress!
I love this story so much omg. <3
I love that quote at the beginning. It’s beautiful. Reminds me of Brindley.
For a brief moment, I was proud of Finn for wanting to do homework (“Finns were not studious creatures” made me snort tea out of my nose lmao) but then I realized Tom pretty much tortured him into obedience, so that pride quickly dissipated. Really, though, Finn needs to get ahold of his temper, because he literally snapped at Malfoy for nothing.
You write Finn so well. Like, his “I’m an entitled brat” vibe comes off so strongly through his actions, I’m so impressed. The way he makes sure to be as noisy as possible while bothering Brindley about the book he’s trying to take from her? Amazingly petulant. And of course he notices the way she smells, too, though I noticed that in addition to her cinnamon smell, there was that weird herb thing, too. Medicine for her strange cough? (Which is honestly starting to sound a lot like some magical version of tuberculosis. Which is scary. Please don’t let Brindley die omg.)
Also I love how every time she tries to insult him, she actually manages to strike him to his core without realizing it.
I feel so badly for Finn, that only after Hero’s death did he begin to realize all the wrongs he did her. Obviously what he did was wrong, but, I don’t know, I’d like to think that he would have tried to make it up to her. Because right now, the guilt and self-hatred seems to be eating him up inside, and that might be taking a toll on his general temper, and that just means bad news for him in the future. I don’t want him to feel a crippling sense of guilt every time he goes home (speaking of home, what’s up with his father’s general lack of energy and enthusiasm?) and I don’t want him to hate his mother for caring for him.
...Is the illegitimate child Brindley?
And I never even realized that Finn actually had a thing going on with Lucretia, and all I have to say about that is a) he’d better not keep doing this once he falls for Brindley, and b) I think he’d better stop doing this anyway because he just seems to be playing around with Lucretia to distract himself and that’s not nice.
I keep forgetting to mention this, but I absolutely love the way you weave your stories together. Your storytelling abilities are just incredible, and you craft characters that are so fascinating and interesting to think about, and your plots are so thick with details and intrigue, and yeah. This whole thing just feels so marvelously created, and I really love reading your stories for this reason.
Okay, um, guess I’ll be binging this fic over the next few hours, because I can’t seem to stop reading lmao. At the very least I hope I can make myself go to sleep before four a.m., yep. That’s the goal.
Finn is so unbelievably interesting as a character. This is perhaps the most fun I’ve had in a while trying to dissect a character and figure out why they are the way they are, and he’s so difficult to understand, it’s amazing. He loses his temper so easily that it’s almost childish, like he did during the duel with Malfoy; he lets his ridiculous pride get the best of him constantly, which results in easily preventable mistakes, like his failure to procure the records because he just had to listen to the girls’ conversation about him; he is old-fashioned and silly, like, being alarmed at hearing swears come from a girl’s mouth?; he absolutely hates being academically unskilled, and not because he really cares about academics, but because he dislikes people looking down on him.
I think my favorite scenes are going to be the ones with Brindley in them. She brings this light into this fairly dark story, and I love that about her. Also, I find it so impressive how you manage to shift the moods between scenes without doing a complete emotional whiplash. It makes for a wonderfully cohesive story, I’m loving it.
She’s so passionate, and I’m worried to death that she’s going to die (do you see what the ending of Hero has done to me? I am ridiculously paranoid that all of my favorite characters are going to die now), and I really want to know what that Ministry availability means to her. Why does she want it? Does it have to do with her asthma? Also, is Brindley dating Patrick right now or something, because judging from their interactions, they seem to be fairly close. I find it distressing that Brindley continues the general trend of making Finn feel less intelligent than everyone else, though he is mean to her every chance he gets so, uh, maybe he deserves it a little, but, I don’t know, speaking as someone who goes to a school that puts way too much focus on academic intelligence... I don’t think Brindley’s in the right here. (Granted, Finn’s in the wrong with just about everything he does, but still.)
Also, I feel like this goes without saying, but I hate Tom. He was loathsome before, and now he’s gone and tortured Finn for making a mistake, so I hate him more now. Why does Finn like him? Please let Finn get some common sense after this, I don’t want him to keep making the mistake of following Tom Riddle.
AUGH THIS STORY THIS IS LITERALLY THE THIRD CHAPTER AND I’M ALREADY DISTRAUGHT.
I am in love with your descriptions, and how you pick verbs and nouns that fit exactly the mood you’re going for. My favorite has to be about the “birds that whizzed past him,” which is just brilliant, and it gave me this image of a bright, cheery, warm day, despite any negative feelings emanating from Finn.
Is he sleeping in late because he’s exhausted, or because this is his usual habit, or because he’s grieving over his sister? I don’t feel I know Finn well enough to determine this yet, but I’m really looking forward to reading his story over the next week or so, because my curiosity about his behavior is killing me.
That entire scene with Brindley McCroy in Care of Magical Creatures was pure gold. I love her so much. And speaking of girls I love, I’m wondering what happened to Emory (and by extension, I guess I have to wonder about Theo too, much as I dislike him) after Hero’s death. Are they doing okay? Will we get to meet them again? I hope that Emory doesn’t feel guilty for criticizing Hero before the break, because she had every right to do that, and I hope she’s doing well.
I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHY FINN DISLIKES BRINDLEY NOW. Or I shouldn’t say dislike, because that boy is obviously lying to himself (I mean, look at the way he literally can’t take his eyes off her sometimes), but why is he being so mean towards her? Why is he antagonizing her?? Focus your attentions on the real villains of this story, Finn. Like, “limited brain cells,” Finn? Really, Finn? Who are you to accuse someone of “limited brain cells,” huh?
Did Hero’s death somehow turn his entire opinion of Brindley around? Is it because Brindley keeps trying to show him sympathy for Hero’s death, and he’s like “nope gotta be a man FEELINGS ARE WEAK”? Speaking of which, I think it’s really, really sad that Finn now has this disgust and fear for mastilio spiders. It’s like his sister’s crippling fear got transferred to him, and ugh I hate that Tom Riddle did this to him. But anyway, Brindley is wonderful and lovely and I love every part of that scene where’s she’s trying to protect her precious insect from Finn’s indelicate hands.
Also oh no, that assignment sounds rather terrifying. Henry Potter is Harry’s great(?)-grandfather? I think? Gotta brush up on my Potter family tree. Does this have something to do with a prophecy or something, because I literally cannot think of any reason why Grindelwald would need Henry Potter’s illegitimate son. And then immediately after this, Finn goes and needles Brindley about her asthma again, because of course (FINLAY STOP SMOKING IT’LL KILL YOU), and he’s an overall jerk. At least he’s a jerk who protects his disowned cousin though? I don’t know, things are so complicated omg.
Though I have noticed people tend to treat Finn like an idiot, which is definitely something that bothers him. I don’t understand why he would lash out at other people for being dumb, but I guess it’s his way of just being a rude brat lmao. And Finn isn’t exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, but honestly, that’s okay. This feels like such a trivial concern about Tom Riddle’s character after HE KILLED HERO, but Tom should really try to be nicer to Finn, and to stop making everything Finn says sound as dumb as possible hahaha.
Excited to see more Brindley! <3
OKAY I AM ABOUT AS RECOVERED FROM HERO AS I’LL EVER GET SO LET’S DO THIS.
Immediately I could see a significant style difference from Hero, even aside from the shift to third person. You incorporate your descriptions more seamlessly into Finn’s story, and you use a wider range of language, which is really amazing. I really love seeing a writer improve over time (though I don’t actually know how long after Hero you wrote The Harder They Fall), so this was exciting for me! Obviously I loved Hero, and the writing wasn’t bad at all; it was engaging and immersive, but just more colloquial.
Anyway my point is, I’m adoring this new style you have in Finn’s story.
I really think I didn’t give Finn enough credit in my last review for Hero. I was doubting whether he’d grieve, and after reading this entire first chapter, I feel vaguely ashamed of myself for thinking that of him. What is really tragic about his grief is the amount of self-loathing he holds; when he says “It seemed a reasonable punishment” after saying he wasn’t a brother anymore, I was like, NO FINN, NO. Tom Riddle truly has everyone wholly convinced it was an accident, and ugh I hate what it’s doing to Finn.
Normally I would hope for Finn to discover Tom’s coldblooded murder and then take revenge on him, but considering Tom Riddle survives to become Voldemort, I don’t have terribly high hopes. I have a feeling Finn will discover the truth at some point, maybe once he drifts too far from Tom’s ideologies and Tom’s all like “um okay buddy I didn’t kill your sister for you to just follow in her footsteps” and then Finn’s all like “what the f-” and then makes a brave attempt to retaliate against Tom, but because Tom’s Tom and apparently immortal, nothing will happen. Or Finn will die too.
(PLEASE DO NOT LET FINN DIE I THINK I WILL ACTUALLY COMBUST WITH SADNESS IF HE DOES.)
It’s really interesting seeing how Finn lacks in academic intelligence, and that he hates studying, hates homework. After reading an entire story in Hero’s point of view, where she really dedicated her all to studying for OWLs and completing her homework to the best of her ability (part of the reason why she got lured into this mess into the first place, I’ve realized lmao), it’s a huge change. And I like the distinction that you’re making between the two! It’s so fascinating seeing everything from Finn’s perspective, even though he’s shrouded in grief right now.
Also, uh, let’s talk about how alarming Finn’s point of view is here: “There was no ‘o’ in Imperius, but there was one in power.” Like, um, Finn?? Your sister, who greatly opposed this sort of thing, died??? (He’s so interesting already I love it.)
His flirtation gave me secondhand embarrassment, but that’s probably just because I just feel an overwhelming embarrassment for real life boys trying to flirt. That whole scene in the library was the scene that made me absolutely giddy, though, because a) BRINDLEY MCCROY, and b) what is going on with the Avery brothers, and c) why is Finn being so mean to Brindley? I thought he liked her last year??? And Finn, how dare you be mean to the girl I have decided is the light and love of my life, you’re not supposed to be mean to a girl like Brindley.
Literally every time Tom opens his mouth I want to stuff his tongue down his throat and watch him choke on it. That being said, I do want to know what he’s planning, so I suppose he might have to keep his tongue for now.
I love the way you write Finn’s introspection?? His thoughts and emotions are so well expressed, and the credit obviously goes to you for writing his inner reflections so so well. The last line of this chapter killed me omg.
SOMEONE SHUT ME UP WHY DO I TALK SO MUCH.
Hello! I'm here to sprinkle a little love onto your story!
Before I start this review I just have to say that I haven't read Hero yet, so I don't what happened to his sister, but I really liked the first chapter. It was a good introduction to the story. We got to meet all the main characters and you even introduce us to a little bit of a mystery at the end. I'm curious and excited to find out what exactly Tom is up to, though I suspect it's nothing good because it's Tom we're talking about after all.
My favourite part about this chapter is that you're introducing us to characters that aren't the most likable characters. They're the type of characters you would think of as villains in a story, yet here we see things more from their side. Of course there is a chance Finn won't stay on this side through the whole story, but I liked that we got see Tom Riddle and his friends from a different perspective. It was very interesting and I really enjoyed it!
Overall, this was just a well-written and intriguing first chapter that really made me want to read the rest of the story. Great job!
Be My Badger
Hello! I'm here for the review tag, and I'm glad it's brought me here. I've heard so much about this story, and I know this is only the first chapter, but I can already tell it'll live up to the hype. I've also never read a story set in the time where Tom Riddle is still at Hogwarts, so I think that prospect is very interesting and I'm fairly intrigued.
I think this is a perfect first chapter. You introduced the cast of your characters in a nice way (even though they may not be so nice. I'm worried this might be the kind of story that only involves unrelateable characters; even though that's one of the things I enjoy about stories sometimes). I want to say many bad words regarding Finn and his 'gang'. You'd think one should at least be good at something before they start making fun of other people, but that's not how the world goes, huh? In any case, I will try to hold back my judgment for later because he seems conflicted about the death of his sister (the circumstances and details of which I'm so eager to know).
It's also important that I take a moment to address your portrayal of Tom Riddle. I can't imagine he's an easy character to get in the head of/write, but I think you've done a great job with it so far. He is so goal-oriented and that especially comes off in the scene where all the other boys are making jokes. Slytherin tunnel vision and all.
So far, I find this very interesting and I can see why it's so popular. I'm definitely gonna becoming around more often.
So, Harry was a Wizarding archeologist and most probably Brindley's father, and a dark wizard was looking for something that Harry had, but we don't know what that is yet. I'm willing to bet one of my limbs that Brindley is the Potter child! And this Monty who is her brother will have some sort of records from being at Hogwarts with a last name! We are so close to finding things out I can taste it! The Hallow must be Gordic's Hallow! Yes, and the dark wizard is Grindelwald and IC is invisibility cloak and Brindley is the freaking Potter Child! I knew it! Yass, Finlay is going to protect Brindley from Grindelwald because he loves her!
Oh, the coup! Oh Finlay...what are we going to do with him? Haha, Brindley teasing Finn about his boo-boo; poor Finlay. Oh heck, I wasn't expecting that. I mean, I wanted Brindley undying cofession of love, but I'd much prefer her to be sober for it. Oh my goodness, poor drunken Brindley is hilarous--'I've never been here in my entire life", oh my goodness, and tricking Finlay into talking to a barrell...I'm dead. You've killed me.
Goodness, things are heating up. Poor Finlay. GOOD BOY, FINLAY--GOOD BOY! He's a gentleman, wouldn't you know it? Oh and KISSES! FINALLY! I mean, probably not under the right circumstances, but oh my goodness! Oh Finlay NO! You can't just kiss Brindley and go and kiss Lucretia -- oh my word! Did he just call Brindley's name? He did--HE DID! Aahh
Such an exciting chapter!!
B! I finally made it to reviewing the end of this wonderful, wonderful story! Thank you so much for sharing it with us <3
Ah, Finn's mother - I'm so glad that she's there and that she made that Portkey! I think it reminded me most of Narcissa, who'll do whatever it takes to protect her child, and it rang really true that she would be the one to do whatever she could to get her son out of it.
I was so glad that Finn was able to get there and find Brindley, even if I didn't think they were going to be able to get out of it - especially when Tom saw him, and he was carted off to the basement. But I think it meant so much to Brindley to know that he was there, and that he wanted to fight for her.
I'm actually pretty happy that Fleamont had hidden the real Invisibility Cloak, and that Grindelwald didn't find the real one. And I liked Fleamont when he was in the basement - the fact that he didn't seem to care much for himself, and just wanted Finn to make sure that he got Brindley out of there.
The scene with Grindelwald and Brindley was so intense and so well written. I thought you characterised Grindelwald really well, particularly with the way that he enjoyed explaining about how powerful he was; it's the same sense of triumph that we see later in Voldemort, and it fits well with their characters.
FINN LOVES BRINDLEY FINN LOVES BRINDLEY.
Thank Merlin for Finn's mum turning that vase into a Portkey, and getting them out of there. You wrote their escape really well, especially with how chaotic and panicky it seemed, because it helped plunge us into the same feelings as Finn at that point.
I was so, so worried when they arrived on the beach and Brindley wasn't breathing and she'd gone. I didn't think you'd do the same thing, but you don't have a great track record with not killing characters I like, so I guess I should say thank you for not killing Brindley :P And even better - the curse effects have been cancelled out and she's actually healthy and going to live again, yay!
The ending was so lovely and sweet. After all they've been through together to get to this point, I was so happy to see that they've got a brighter future - but also that you didn't just wipe away all the bad things that have happened and that Finn and Brindley have acknowledged that those are things they have to try and work through. If you ever want to write more of these two, you have another willing reader!