Here for review swap!
I love the use of dialogue within this chapter to set the scene. I thought you portrayed the relationship between them as friends and family so well. It's so good that Fred is kinda teasing her about her relationship with Teddy. I like it because it really feels so realistic! I love Freddie wants to be so protective of Vic. I'm sure perhaps Vic doesn't quite feel the same way as I do though!
I really like how you used the dialogue to establish relationships and dynamics that we might be seeing now they are at Hogwarts. You introduce some characters really smoothly. I like that we see the introduce of Lexy and Micah. I thought it was very well done that they were just slipped into the chapter in a very natural way. Just chatting to the main characters, they seem to have a good dynamic and love the bits of banter in there. I thought it's going to be really fun to see more of them in future chapters.
I love that all these chapters so far have done a really good job at leaving questions to be answered. who is that person or what's their history etc? The world building is really nicely done. I'm wondering a bit more about character of Juilet and Lexy. I wonder if Lexy will become a love interest for Fred. He doesn't seem too interested about of the 'friends' issue but I'm sensing something perhaps. I'm sensing that you must be planting seeds for the future which is clever. I wanted to know what Role that we're going to get to see Juliet play? Vic seems to like her but will she just be the annoyance between Fred getting his 'soulmate' or whatever. I'm interested to see where it's going anyway.
I feel a little bit sad that we wouldn't get to see Teddy while they are at Hogwarts because he seems cool. I really like what you've done so far with Vic/Teddy. I guess I'll be waiting for that Hogmeade visit just as much as Vic is! I think it's going to fun to see them at Hogwarts mixing with a range of different characters. See more of Micah/Lexy/Vic/Fred group. I think this is shaping up to be really fun story.
I'm here for review swap!
I love how cute and awkward that Vic is around a shirtless teddy. I thought you've captured that essence when you like someone and it's just a bit awkward and overwhelming. I loved Fred chiming in with the truth just to make it more awkward. I love that silliness between the characters. Fred is obviously quite a cheeky little character and I'm here for it!
I love you have some really good description in this chapter which really adds towards your world building. I love that I have such good mental pictures especially of the surroundings in this chapter. I especially liked the dragon archway which was great. I thought you really set the mood so well with the description as well. 'a howling wind that seemed to be whipping through the corridors without really reaching them' I really like this line because it' just kinda sums up the atmosphere that going on around them. They seem unsure of all these magical beasts. I also feel like you've done well at showing a lot of things happening but it quite a short amount of words.
I think we can see from this chapter that Teddy is looking at the thestrals so weaving in some more backstory to Teddy's character with this little line. I thought this was such an interesting chapter as chapter 2. It's really clever to get to know the characters by reactions to these animals. I like Vic's character a lot. She seems smart and thoughtful. She seems less she feels really fleshed out as character having only known her for two chapters. I think that's really impressive.
I love the little Vic/Teddy moment at the end. It was very sweet and you didn't overplay it. I can't wait for them to see each other already. I'm here for this ship. I really enjoyed this chapter. I'm really looking forward to seeing what these guys get up to while at Hogwarts! I have a feeling that it's going to be a lot of fun.
Hello there! I'm here to review for the CMDC Event Round 3!
It's quite funny how the story begins with both Fred and Victoire both missing the Hogwarts Express and instead of admitting fault and informing their parents of what happened, they instead decided to blame each other (though I feel that the Hogwarts Express having an exact time to leave as always clearly doesn't help the situation here either). The way you described how they each blamed each other for things like Victoire being immersed into a book and Fred wanting to buy sweets is somewhat telling of who they are as individuals. Well that, and Fred also slowing down his watch--like why and how does one do that if they need to schedule for an important appointment or destination? The banter and arguments between the pair of them is hilariously entertaining yet natural as well.
Ahh, yes, the first person they decide to turn to when things get rough, is of course, unsurprisingly Teddy Lupin seeing as he's probably more lenient and understanding about their situation than their parents would have been. Well that, and maybe avoid getting ridiculed and blamed for it. Them being lost while trying to find where Teddy lived and trying to figure out the mailboxes definitely is relatable yet slightly funny as well. I'm just glad they were able to get helped by a nice wizard as well as the landlady.
Teddy is also delighted to read because he seems to take in after his mother with his bright colored hair and the way he seems patient and understanding with them not only taking them in but also cooking for them and offering them an alternative to get to Hogwarts via Floo Powder but also with a detour of the magical menagerie which probably sounds more exhilarating than getting to Hogwarts. I think it's also great that he says that he's an adult yet Victoire points out that he's not considering that he's older yet also feels more like their age. It's great that we also see hints of these two also probably secretly crushing on each other with little small tidbits like the fact that he has more photos of her than Fred and when she was slightly flustered when they come face to face when they arrived at his place. They both of them seem to not only get along very well but are seemingly close in a sense. It's great that they're friends for now although it's still ways to go for the two of them. Nonetheless, I'm very excited to see what's in store for them!
The characterization was great especially Victoire and Fred seeing as I loved their dynamic and how contrasted to each other in personality. I do want to mention that I find your version of Victoire quite refreshing seeing as she's usually beautiful and poised or would definitely be much less of a troublemaker or free spirited as she is here. I love how Fred seems to be more of the practical one of the two. I think it's great when authors decide to make changes and or have their own spin on the characters. It's interesting to see what version they write which certainly adds intrigue to the story. I should also mention is that I also loved how you woven details in the story which is not only visually appealing but also do add plausible moments in the story especially when they were in Teddy's apartment and you described things like the way he uses magic to clean the dishes to the portraits that he had had laid out including the ones with Victoire and helped me feel slightly immersed in the story while following along with their journey.
Overall, this was a fun start to what is that of Victoire's and Fred's adventures so definitely cannot wait to read more! Oh, and also congratulations on being nominated for the Best Friendship category as well! Definitely enjoyed this chapter and cannot wait to read more!
ahhhhhh so i love it when people mention that they like my take on victoire compared to what's more common in fandom, because that's definitely something i was going for and i super love writing her. <3 thank you so so much for stopping by - good luck in the event!
Hi Branwen! I’m here for CMDC Round 3 :D
Another missing of the Hogwarts Express—at least this one doesn’t end with a carjacking and a crash into the whomping willow. I like Fred, Victoire, and Teddy immediately. The bickering between Fred and Victorie over whose fault it was that they were late (shopping trips always take longer than you think they will) was funny and kind of endearing. I was also amused that, when they saw their parents, they hid in the crowd rather than risk getting in trouble with a ease that makes me think this is not the first time they have had to hide to keep out of trouble. I wonder if their parents will find out.
I enjoyed the magical apartment building and how they walked through the wall to find the landlady. I also enjoyed meeting Teddy who—while he is technically an adult—seems to be more of a peer to Fred and Victoire. I’m also wondering if he has a crush on Victoire.
I have to agree with them that going to an exhibit and then Flooing into Hogsmeade sounds more fun than being stuck on a train ride.
yessss, given some of the alternatives vic and fred were downright tame, if you think about it from a certain perspective. :P this is definitely not the first time they've had to hide to keep out of trouble - lolololol one of the chatfic headers for round two is 'we get away more often than not but are somehow still always in detention' haha. (is this your first time reading this? is it at all odd after reading the several-months-in-the-future chatfic first?)
thank you so much for dropping by - good luck in the event! <3
I don't know how I haven't read this story already, but this chapter's just reminded me how much I love your writing and your next gen cast of characters in particular.
Fred and Victoire were hilarious here. They're really quite the duo, aren't they? Kind of like siblings even though they're cousins. The fact that they managed to miss the train together made me laugh - because honestly, how many years has the Hogwarts Express left at exactly the same time on the same date? It's not exactly hard to remember that you need to get there on time for it - but more than that was their reaction to it. You could tell how close they were with the way that neither of them really panicked because they were together, but simultaneously blamed each other for missing the train. Their dialogue was so great and they just bounced off each other in conversation - I thought you conveyed their dynamic brilliantly in this chapter.
And oh my goodness, of course Fred set his watch slow instead of setting it fast.
I loved the fact that they went to Teddy instead of facing their parents with the fact that they missed the train. That's a really grown up decision of them. And Teddy just went along with it, which made me laugh - I really liked the fact they pointed out he isn't a real adult because he's Teddy, and he knew there was no use arguing with them. To be fair, the fact that he let them just hang out with him and didn't tell their parents is proof that he's more one of them than a real adult, anyway.
And don't think I didn't spot the fact that Vic appeared in more of the photos than Fred! There's definitely some feelings there between the two of them, so I look forward to seeing how/if they develop from here!
siannnn tysm <3 <3 <3
and yeahhh - my headcanon is that fred was not planned and that george/angelina were still pretty fucked up from the war, so bill/fleur gave them a lot of emotional/tangible support over the first years in particular. since fred and vic are only a few months apart, that did kind of end up leading to the dynamic you're picking up on - they're definitely on more of the same wavelength is maybe the best way to put it? than the other next-gen cousins, even those who are super close.
(and oh yes those feelings def develop, fred's explicitly asking her about it in just a couple chapters, haha.)
thank youuuu, good luck on the event! <3
Hi, I'm here for the CDMC, round #3
First, I want to say you've done a great job with the friendship of these two cousins. Their interactions are hilarious and the dialogue is spot-on.
Now, on the chapter itself. How naive Victorie and Freddie are to think that the headmaster doesn’t realize who does (and doesn’t) get on the train. They think they’ll just slip right in. . . and I bet Professor didn’t really have to ask them where they were. He probably already knew (or I hope he would have already contacted their parents since they would have been awol for over eight hours.)
Freddie’s analysis of Teddy’s carnal desires was matter-of-fact which made it hilarious. He was a bit funny in his beliefs in that one moment he’s fine with Teddy thinking such things (and potentially doing) but the next is willing to receive detention to be chivalrous and overprotective. It also clues us to the fact that Victorie was hilarious about the boy, but now that Freddie has opened her eyes up to the possibilities. . . I predict she’ll be rather red-faced in the future.
Also the introduction of not only one but two girls for Freddie-definitely the beginning of love triangle. I only wonder which witch will have her heart broken at the end.
hey, barbara! thanks so much for stopping by! it really is so ridiculous of them, isn't it? they do learn from the experience in the future, though, so they can get away with it better. (and by they, i mean fred, because victoire thinks about why she does things but not how and fred thinks about how he does things but not why. :P
thank you so much for stopping by - you've been killing it this event! good luck!
Okay, it’s taken me about a week to get to this and not because I was being lazy or didn’t ‘get to it’. I actually read this on the very first day and then on the second and then the third and so on and again today because pinpointing and wording private and complex feelings is difficult and I’m a coward by nature?
Here we go then.
This was a brutal read. Not in a bad way, just raw and complicated because I felt like I was intruding on something I wasn’t supposed to be reading, if that makes any sense?
There’s a reason why I don’t usually read deep, tragic fanfiction or literary works: the humanity of it is too on the nose for me and that’s what I felt when I was reading this.
Pity, compassion, sadness all in equal measures for this person I’d never met. Also a bit of self-pity because that's what happens when you empathise with fictional characters.
“As it is when you are sucked up in a dark, deep hole; you don’t even realize you are in it until you are not anymore. Although other people can see it, you usually can’t even hear them, above the deafening, suffocating sound of the silence that surrounds you and screams in your face every moment that you even try to open your eyes.
You are left with numbness and nothingness, because that is your mind’s only defense against the alternative.”
All the time I was reading this, I was screaming in my mind “why, why are you doing this to me?” and “how dare you?” because honestly, it hits far too close to home.
This here? Probably the reason why I only write humour.
Okay, now that we’ve established I’m deeply uncomfortable with this, I’d like to reinforce the fact that it is not a bad thing, it just means you sprawled out your character right in front of my eyes and it’s tragically sad. It shakes me to my core, possibly because I have made it my life’s mission to avoid feeling sad at all costs and this just... kills me inside.
Rose’s entire monologue reads true and painful and elicits every single emotion it should from the reader (you’re playing me like a fiddle, how dare you). I immediately assumed Rose had been raped, though then the “where Stannous held me captive for six days” line sounds more like a kidnapping - though it could be a horrible, horrible combination of the two. From then on, there it was, almost like a checklist: self-blame, anxiety, depression…
“It is the last actual documented image of the old Rose.”
I swear, every time I read a line of this I’m just like “why, why do you keep doing this to me?”. Rose’s dissociation with who she was vs the hollow shell she is right now resonates with me on a personal level.
It’s not unrealistic, it’s not overdramatic, it just feels too real. I mean, I’ve read things like this before but I either wasn’t paying attention and glossing over them with an eye shut or they just felt like… caricatures.
This? This is terrifying.
I thank you ever so deeply that Rose isn’t living alone. Just Dominique’s presence is enough to jolt her out of the hole she was buried in and back to reality.
“Get up. I stood and started the shower.”
From here on out, the rest of the checklist you made for her, is beautifully written. The way you intercalate the mantra with the actions, the way she has all these small steps that tether her to reality, baby steps that keep her moving despite the horror she’s lived through and the numbness she’s forced upon herself.
And from then on, the chapter was lighter, almost hopeful, reminiscing of better days when she hadn’t felt like shit.
I shit you not, I breathed with relief and was like “okay, okay, this I can deal with”. Like Rose picked me up with herself and we were both "okay, we can do this".
“Orin Wood swears it saw the hat covering up a bottle of firewhiskey at the beginning of the ceremony.”
When I hit this, I wanted to kiss you, I swear. You ended the chapter on a slightly positive note and I’m glad to see the power of routine is working, even under the circumstances.
Rose strikes me as an incredibly strong young woman, who manages to continue functioning despite the shitty hand fate has dealt her.
She struggles to get out of bed every day (god, how that first step is difficult), but she keeps on doing it, to the point where she’s capable of deceiving everyone around her into thinking she’s alright.
I sincerely hope there’s at least SOMEONE who can tell everything isn’t okay. I want her to slip and fall, if only for someone to grab her hand and pick her up. We still don’t know if the wanker who hurt her was caught or if she kept it to herself and he’s out there and, honestly, if he is, my deepest wish for this fanfiction is for someone to murder him slowly and painfully.
Tldr: this chapter gave me feelings, and i hated it (the feelings, not the chapter) but it’s also incredibly good and super solid work!
Back for your request! :D
Oops... poor Fred and Juliet... :/ I feel like Wendy could've pretended it didn't happen, though, couldn't she? At least she didn't see what Victoire saw... Poor Victoire as well, it's the kind of thing that scars you... :P (Although she was a tiny bit overdramatic about it)
I'm also wondering if Juliet is not too far off about Lexi liking Fred? (If you've mentioned this before forgive me, I must have forgotten...) She surely sounded a bit jealous in the previous chapter, when she was visiting in the Hospital Wing.
I always love the Room of Requirements! :D Of course, they would use it to follow Quidditch, is there anything more important after all? *rolls eyes*
Ah, Teddy!!! <3 I'd really love to see him again! :) I love how frustrated he is with Victoire constantly putting herself in dangerous situations :P You can tell he cares a lot! <3
I'm also very curious about Gallaghan now, he seems a nice guy! :)
Nice work as always! Thank you for stopping by my thread! ;)
Hey, Branwen! I'm back for your request! (Sorry for the lateness...)
It quickly became apparent that there was absolutely nothing wrong with Victoire, at least not beyond the admittedly questionable decision she'd made to seek out a banshee in the Forbidden Forest. I love this opening line, it made me chuckle, so good! :D
It's so sweet (and also so typical :P) that Victoire wouldn't want to leave her cousin's side, at the cost of being recovered in the Hospital Wing herself ;) The way all adults were sort of dismissive of her was so amusing, and I love how Goldstein can communicate with a glance! It's so clear that they are all very used to the Weasley cousins' antics! :D
I'm still not totally sure how I feel about Juliet and her relationship with Fred... I find her kind of annoying, but it might be just that I'm biased because I'm seeing things through Victoire's not exactly reliable eyes... so maybe I'm being unfair to her, but I don't know... :P
In any case, it's good to see that Fred recovered! And I'm mostly relieved that neither was punished for what happened (although they probably would've deserved it... but I guess Anthony is right, risking their lives and then being stuck in the Hospital Wing for almost a week is punishment enough! :P) "If you should find any additional information - through whatever means - I'd be interested to see it." Okay, this surprised me a little, it's almost as if Professor Goldstein is inciting Victoire to do more mischief? Or maybe he just knows that he's not going to stop her anyway, so he might as well take advantage of it? It's very Ravenclaw-y, in any case. Knowledge before anything. :P It's an interesting trait to our Professor! :D
Either there was a remarkable coincidence between her encounter with the banshee on the syllabus or Goldstein had used it as inspiration to change his lesson plans, I'm inclined to believe the second... ;)
Great chapter as always! I'll be back soon! :D
Howdy! And boooooo!
I know it's all in the name of realism, but I was one hundred percent for #frexy. Low-Risk Juliet is here to stay. And apparently thirsty. Am I crude? Maybe. But I loved the getting blown comment from Micah.
Anyway the time issues and the friction (independent of unrequited feelings) are issues that everyone has to go through and I'm glad you chose to put the spotlight on them this chapter as it's not just realistic, it's a nice change of pace from the combat being with professors and titular conduct.
I am wondering if Gallagher is becoming an official member of the crew. I guess maybe he already was, but we didn't haven't had a whole lot of direct encounters with him before the last couple of chapters that seem to integrate him more - especially with the animagus plot.
As you noted at the top of the chapter though, it's weird seeing Fred as the clueless one (though he's not entirely clueless because he got the vibes) getting talked to about love topics by Victoire of all people. I guess it makes more sense to her because she's on the other side of it, but she does do a pretty good job of prodding him to reach the conclusion his vibes are giving him and to help him with how he should deal with the situation with Lexy.
I'm sorry the story is done for now, but hope there's more to come soon!
omg +1000, crude fits so well here and is def warranted hahaha
fred is definitely... i don't want to say intentionally clueless? but also kind of intentionally clueless? that kind of thing where you kiiiind of know and you're like "i'm just gonna pretend this isn't a thing and maybe it'll go away"?
gallagher is definitely going to keep ghosting in more - he's kind of always been in-and-out of the crew for their time at hogwarts, and this is definitely going to turn out to be more of an "in" year. (his family tends to be all over my stories, haha)
Well, Fred is quiet the philosopher when he wants to be isn't he? It remains to be seen if he is a true Teddy/Victoire soothsayer (he probably is), but he's doing a good job of continuing to hash out the issues.
For the moment though, I want to return to Dominique. Dom seems to carry a very 'meh' attitude, at least toward her sister, though I'm guessing that if that's not a standard thing, it's because in this scene it comes out that way since Victoire's talking about/reacting to the fact that she got a letter from Teddy. The brief interaction between Dominique coupled with Attraction for Dummies by Fred 'Deuces' Weasley on audiobook really brings to the fore her obliviousness though. Teddy and she have a close connection. Teddy apologizes to her for not being able to make an occasion due to work. Victoire invites him every time hopeful that he'll be able to come and is thrilled when he does. Teddy seemingly worries. Victoire over-analyzes. And they write back and forth all the time. Sounds exactly like two people who like each other. But whoosh - over Victoire's nervous head.
In any event, I like that by the end of the conversation, Victoire has come to some level of understanding/acceptance that Teddy actually likes her, but that she needs to understand the obstacles and the difficulties and why it won't just come together like a typical relationship between a couple of students (like Fred and Juliet). It's also encouraging to hear after some of my internal speculation, that Fred actually likes Juliet and that it's holding up even though he's acknowledged after the last chapters or so that she's a straight arrow to his scofflaw.
Finally, and I don't think I've given this enough credit - particularly during dialogue heavy chapters - you've done a really good job of mixing the perfect amount of description so that it's not just dialogue boom-boom-boom (like I tend to do for...reasons?). I really gets people involved in the mood or setting of specific conversations like this one. You can see both of them sitting by the lake, Victoire (nice detail) running her hand over the blades of grass.
Looking forward to the aftermath of the animagus action - there was an allusion to a lot of time in the hospital wing a couple of chapters ago...
I'll see you in the last chapter!
ohhh yes, dominique Does Not Understand boys and also has never quite gotten along with teddy - it's just kind of a bit of an oil-and-water thing. she thinks that he's boring and too mlld-mannered, he thinks that she's a little overbearing and unempathetic. neither of them is quite *wrong* from a certain perspective and it takes them years past hogwarts to get past that. (although also it's a little rich for both of them to feel that way given their social circles)
also thank youuuu balancing dialogue/description is something i've really worked on a lot so i'm super glad it... like, comes across?
The famous guest lecturer Seamus has finally appeared. I thought the substance of his discussion was awesome which obviously someone...put a lot of thought into. Regardless, both the crossbreeds that came up in this chapter played off Seamus really well. He grows more serious as the war rolls on, but still maintains his underlying spirit. That progression plays out in his lecture here - happy-go-lucky and joking about the demiserpent to the firm, battle-worn wizard trying to research and perhaps take steps to counter the kemora. When he was introduced Victoire's comments on his attire also dealt a little with both sides of him too which was cool.
One thing that also worked really well was the interactions, both class-in and class-out, between he and Professor Goldstein. During class there were both amusing and serious wink-wink-nudge-nudges from Seamus to Goldstein. However I think I liked the way things played out after class when Goldstein was discussing the prank war with Victoire and Fred. Seamus is amused by the pranks - no surprise there - but he also treats us to that little line about a family resemblance right up against it which is a literal reference to the fact that they're cousins but also fits nicely as a figurative reference to Fred (I) and George. I liked that nod.
As you know I had wondered from the early going where were going to end up with the animagi angle and I see that they've a representative from every house except Hufflepuff in on it now. Of course it still leaves open the question of why they want to become animagi, but I expect that's to come at some point ahead, if not immediately ahead either.
I'm off to the penultimate chapter now!
The second best of all pranks days had to come around at some point and I loved the directions you took with it. It's always a challenge to come up with good pranks, which is a probably when you've got a story centering on pranksters, but I think you did really well with the House-specific one Fred pulled on the Ravenclaws...and also the Teddy-specific counter-prank by Victoire. For someone who hates Potions she seems to have a knack for cooking up some polyjuice...or I assume she had some stored? I think having Victoire's prank turn out superior was also a night touch given her thoughts at the beginning of the chapter about Fred constantly being the mastermind while she was (one of) the implementer(s).
I enjoyed the references back to some things from other chapters here too. They were either recent enought or subtle enough to establish that they were a running part of people's interactions with Fred and/or Victoire or their interactions with each other. The 'I hate you' comment by Fred and now everybody seeming to understand Goldstein's favoritism other than Victoire are a couple of examples.
An interesting thing about Victoire's characterization here is that we've seen her irritated, we've seen her panicked, and we've seen her nervous, but unless I'm forgeetting I don't think we've ever really seen her sulky before. Though she already reads both real and awesome to me, I think this just adds to her. She too can be frustrated when she thinks things aren't going to work out for her and she too can fall prey to feeling helpless and sulking about it even if it's just for a bit. Or until her friends help her figure out how helpless she isn't and help her get some friendly payback.
I'm getting sadder as I read on because I'm drawing ever nearer to the end (for now) of the story, but I'll see you in numero quince.
I expected Teddy, but a full-on Teddy chapter I did not expect - not that it isn't welcome of course. I liked the comfort of the relationship between them (as it exists at the beginning of the chapter anyway) and the ease in the conversation to the point that they (or at least she) know each other's conversational habits and get answers. Teddy certainly succeeds at that with extracting the account of the banshee, though part of that might also be because Victoire is so busy studying his face she just forgets to keep resisting the question.
It's funny to hear his perspective on she and Fred's exploits too. He has realizations that they don't - like the one about them being favorites of Goldstein's - which in retrospect you wouldn't necessarily notice when being told solely from Victoire's perspective. I mean, I'll confess to being a touch surprised by his leniency on at least one occassion, but chalked it up to the story requiring them staying in school (at least for now). And now Teddy gives us (and Victoire) a different look. It's also a little funny to me because I've sort of imagined Teddy as a bit of a trickster himself - or at least a rule-breaker since I can hardly imagine Tonks being a straight arrow.
Finally, the kiss and conversation. It really added to both showing Victoire's nerves and her difficulty feeling like a child around him, that she stands on her tiptoes and kisses him on the cheek. Then she - for the first actual time I think - absolutely freaks. It's great to see panicked Victoire because what I imagine to be her warp-speed train of thought keeps getting interrupted by Fred's (cool to invert Gryffindor and Ravenclaw here) calm, somewhat measured interruptions. Very interesting to learn Victoire has never been kissed though. And it sounds like Fred's had some...thoughts...about Juliet.
Catch you in a bit if I'm lucky enough to survive Chapter 13.
The Teddiosity is coming to life and Victoire is definitely getting her hopes up that he doesn't think of her like a kid after all. I'm very interested to see what unfolds at Hogsmeade for both duos though. Victoire will hopefully get some slight, miniscule, bit of a leaning about Teddy and based off of Fred's comments, he and Juliet's first Hogsmeade trip could be something of a litmus test for their relationship. How it's escaped him I'm not sure, but his remark questioning why she's dating him - maybe even interested at all - in him seems like it could inspire some questions and conflict. It coming up would also jive well with Victoire relaying how much Juliet continually talks about how well Fred looks and kisses - purely physical? Or just to feel risky like Victoire suggests here...
I extra-enjoyed Victoire in this chapter though, bizarrely more than usual even. I think it's probably because I like her falling on her sword for Fred post-banshee-incident on top her instructing such a straight arrow like Juliet about how to tell the right story to Professor Goldstein. I could absolutely see the two of them in that moment and I loved it. Of course it was close to equally hilarious that Goldstein saw right through it all whether because of minor inconsistencies between Failing Fred Weasley and Low-Risk Juliet or because he just knows she and Fred too well to fall for the fireworks - just like the Ravenclaw prefect.
Until next time!
You implemented some even more inventive stuff in this chapter with the Room or Requirement turning into a visual projection of the Quidditch match. It demonstrates how fun and incredible the room can be what with what must be an ability to capture the what the players look like and their simultaneously movements, all in real-time and based on the broadcast that's being delivered contemporaneously. Wowza. You also tweaked Hogwarts again with the multiple professors per subject. Honestly this just seems like it would be necessary, even in canon, but I imagine the Hogwarts population has grown post-war so it's probably even more necessary under those circumstances.
I was glad we got to see Juliet's suspicion that Lexy likes Fred. Explains a lot. But I was equally glad that she stops there and doesn't want to be overtly insecure and jealous, though I say overtly because she obviously extended the invite to Ravenclaw (and her room) and I have to wonder if that wasn't to show off and put off Lexy. If it's the former though, I'm glad to see she's not going to be Lavender.
At the same time, Juliet's...passion...seems to have backfired on her in a big way here. It's unclear what kind of repercussions there will be based on being reported, but I have to imagine it's going to involve some detention and punishment that in some way is going to keep she and Fred apart - plus he might get put in detention too. If that divides them in time and proximity to each other for any extended period...well who knows what happens.
Finally we get Teddy's letter. The Teddinator is back in action and I'm looking forward to seeing he and Victoire in Hogsmeade and how all that plays out.
See you in awhile for another chapter!
Howdy! Back in action!
And so the banshee saga concludes (for now) with Fred's recovery. I knew for sure that Juliet was going to visit before he got discharged and to be honest, while she has every right to be thrilled that he's okay, she is starting to become a bit of a nuisance when she pops up. If his name lent itself to something like 'Won Won' I feel like she would've bestowed the nickname by now. Though Victoire does nothing (a little bizarrely) to fill in the blanks with anything other than her admittedly vague remkars, that doesn't seem entirely in keeping with helping Fred. I get why she doesn't want to share the story - making everyone blame her for how he got that way, shattering a bit of his image at Hogwarts, not wanting to make Juliet even more wild, etc., but it makes it even harder if it becomes necessary later.
I am interested how the dynamic between Fred and Lexy, Lexy and Victoire, and Fred, Lexy, and Victoire collectively unfolds going forward. It seems like the former is going to be fine, but I'm not sure about the latter. Lexy still seems quite hostile to Victoire (both independently and by and through Juliet) and I have to feel that that's bound to create some tension in the non-love triangle.
As far as any particular line goes - I love the one you used in the summary. It was even better with the surrounding context.
Onward and upward (in chapter count)!
Howdy howdy! I have returned!
This chapter is a departure from our norm and I'm glad for it. The interactions with the banshee obviously had to have some sort of effect on one of them and based on the conversation between she and Victoire, it obviously wasn't going to be her. Though we don't know how rapid the progression to physical symptoms took, Fred is obviously messed up and seems to lack a significant bit of awareness of what's going on and I'm pretty sure I concur with Victoire that Fred is hallucinating (?) Juliet when he says her name.
We get to see a bit more of Lexy here though which is also a change from recent chapters and I can't say that what we see is very pleasant. Frankly, her interaction from the word go seems pretty toxic and only progresses further in that direction after they get Fred up to the Room of Requirement which, as an aside, is interesting that at least Victoire doesn't know what it is. Clearly the family hasn't shared everything about Hogwarts - probably rightfully so.
While it's not entirely the first instance, Victoire does seem to act rather selfishly in getting Fred help at the beginning. She steers him away from the Hospital Wing just to avoid teachers and tries to justify the situation to Lexy in a way that seems to imply she shouldn't be blamed. That said, she does eventually go get Profs. Goldstein and Longbottom after disclosing what happened (mostly) to the former. I liked the pieces we got from him though, both the academic and the personal. By personal I mean I can easily imagine his 'what have you blown up now' opener. By academic I mean his explanation of banshees (which is incredible that you came up with yourself).
Looking forward to seeing what happens with Fred!
Considering the obvious danger of banshees, it does seem like Fred is indeed the best cousin ever - well, maybe ever is egotistical - but great. Still, though nerves were very much called for, I thought the specific news about the banshees being very much capable of killing anyone who disturbed their comb encouraging since that did not happen to Victoire or Fred on the first occasion.
Before revisiting the re-entry though, it seems that Victoire just can't escape the Fred/Juliet dynamic. Poor her. Being a good friend, she keeps largely to her previous comments about what Juliet is saying about him. For his part, Fred seems surprisingly nervous about what she thinks. That seems interesting for him based on his antics, personality, and school status as an attractive and popular athlete, but I think is realistic. A lot of people assume that those folks don't get nervous about romantic relationships, but Victoire gets to see Fred in that semi-vulnerable moment that lets on that he really, sincerely cares about Juliet and what she thinks. I'm interested to see how she reacts (and how long he takes to score).
Now to the re-entry. I'm glad you kind of fast-forwarded us to the second interaction. Though it's ultimately positive with no death and a weird reassurance/invitation, it is still peculiar and leaves a lot for though about why she calls Victoire cousin. Has she already set Victoire's bansheeization into motion (probably not :p)? Is there some actual blood connection between them where a relative became a banshee somehow (is that possible?)? It leaves much to be pondered.
Catch you on the flip of the page!
I think this was such a fun chapter to start with. I think it has really let the reader know who the characters are what they're about. I think the duo of Fred and Vic is instantly loveable! They have such a great chemistry as friends/family, the banter between them was really funny. I love how they're bickering to each other about missing the train. It feels like natural rapport that they have. You did a great job with the dialogue because it all really flowed so nicely.
I like this portray of Vic. I think so often that we see Vic as the perfect girl (often opposed to tomboy/a bit of a mess Dom!) but I think that she was more likely have a cracking sense of humour even she is often given. I'm really pleased to see that you're so invested in fleshing out her as a character. She seems really cute and likeable at the moment.
I'm already really interested in Teddy/Vic. I think you're obviously teasing a bit of how Vic is feeling towards Teddty. I only wonder how Teddy is feeling. I think they have a wonderful chemistry though. Their interaction seems really tight like maybe flirty?? I don't know quite what his intentions are but I can see why Vic likes him anyway! I think that Fred and Vic are going to fun pair to read about. First chapter is really good and presents such charming portrayals of these characters so far.
Victoire is actually in a nervous and according subdued mood! This is a new step for her (at least from what we've seen so far) and I like how it also matches up with her hiding out trying to study up on the meaning of the situation - even from Fred. She justifies it by (at least at the beginning) telling herself she just doesn't want to admit she was wrong about whether picking up the comb was a smart idea, but it obviously runs deeper and when Fred finds her (which doesn't take long) I think the way he agrees to help her so much is great for a best friend. It speaks to how much he values their friendship that he's willing to pass up on the opportunity for more time with Juliet when they've just started dating - I know people tend to be very much different at their age about that - though at the same time I hope this doesn't speak negatively to he and Juliet going forward. She does after all, only seem to talk about them kissing.
That said, we also got a taste of a few more personal interactions. I thought it was nice to see Victoire in the company of people other than Fred and Juliet in a lengthier scene. She obviously can't really talk to Fred about Juliet's behavior - at least not in any detail or overly negative way - but she has other friends who are on board with her reaction and provide an example of a settled relationship where two people are in love - something that Victoire seems to want for herself however she couches it.
Finally we got to have a heart-to-heart between Victoire and Juliet about her whole...overexuberance. I like that they are comfortable enough and caring enough about each other that this doesn't turn into an argument. I can easily see Juliet feeling like she's being repressed and becoming really annoyed with Victoire, but instead she's reasonable and even agrees to change her behavior - even if it's only a compromise. Victoire even includes Carolyn in her request for diluted volume which I think is also a nice nod on her part to the night prior. Fortunately she gets agreement on that too.
See you in the next chapter!
Much though I enjoyed the previous two chapters, I was excited to get back to Fred and Victoire's titular action - this one qualifying as a 'caper' I suppose. It's cool that over her time at Hogwarts, the thrill of sneaking out to the forest has turned into a legitimate and important source of interest based on the creatures they've been finding. I suspect that it's these sightings, interactions, etc. that have inspired her to choose the career path that she has. The nod to canon with Mr. Weasley's old enchanted car still being there and the fact that the experienced Victoire can put together that it was attacked by at least one acromantula.
Moving on to the banshee situation, I found this interaction particularly interesting. First, I thought banshees did actually kill people with the whole banshee scream thing, but apparently they don't? Plus I would think if that were the case, Fred would know it as well, but perhaps Victoire has studied more about them with her Restricted Section ventures. In any event, the way/reason the banshee appears is really cool. Victoire, in keeping with her impulsive nature, plucks up the comb despite Fred's warning/reservation. She should've probably let it sink in for a minute that Fred was concerned about her picking it up, but why be constrained by something so uncharacteristic from your best friend and fellow adventurer?
After picking up the comb the banshee seems to have been 'summoned' and wants the comb back. Or does she given that Victoire seems to have wound up with it anyway? I wonder if she wanted Victoire to take the the comb back into Hogwarts for some reason or if the banshee's appearance is more like the Grim in Harry's tea, noting that she is (or was) in mortal danger, but that it can in fact still be avoided. An intriguing question that I hope will be answered in the future.
See you in the next chapter!
Back for more!
I like that we got more of the Fred and Victoire dynamic in this chapter and that we get to see a tad of strain. It's short-lived, yes, but they are definitely having words and Fred, in particular, is using his spear. On some level I agree with both of them though. Victoire doesn't have some obligation to relay information Juliet shares about him to him. In fact, it's really a betrayal of confidence if she did. At the same time, Victoire should act equitably rather than holding him to a higher standard (which is what it seems like Victoire wants). Also they're NOT ditching the animagus scheme. That's a bold strategy Cotton, let's see if it pays off.
There was definitely more non-school than there was school in this chapter (at least in terms of depth), but I liked the things you did note - particularly things that seem natural to us in the muggle world - picking classes to be with friends AND because certain professors are hell. And trying to avoid thorny classes while also doing your best to equip yourself for the future. It's another cool wrinkle that I really appreciated.
Remembering back to Fred/Juliet - he seems to want this feedback from Victoire as well, but then he plays it really shy or at least close to the vest about how things went. It makes me wonder if it actually DID go well or not so much. Hopefully we'll find out by pitch coming up.
On to the next chapter!
Howdy! The event has brought me back to where I should've returned long ago!
The interaction between Professors Goldstein and Longbottom and Victoire and Fred is a good one. I think often people write the Neville interactions in particular as just relaxed and different from normal students because of who they are and their D.A. connection with their relatives, but Neville was more as he was in canon - sort of by-the-book. While he obviously strayed from that while he stayed in school and Harry was on the run, I seriously doubt that it just evaporated as part of his character. Goldstein meanwhile, seemed a bit more relaxed and it fell into a nice two-pronged attack. I'm glad he held Victoire back though and really tried to get through to her rather than offer just a token reprimand. Her career path also seems different and unique - you do such a great job with creativity in this story!
Another part I liked was the animagus element. It's somewhat amusing since canon is somewhat replete (at least more than one might expect) with unregistered animagi between Sirius, James, Peter, and Rita Skeeter, but I do wonder why Victoire is so interested in it. Maybe I'm forgetting something or it's just associated with her interest in magical creatures, but she's certainly going full bore and (as seems characteristic in your writing of her) risking a lot.
The last creative element I enjoyed was the fact that Hogwarts accommodates guest lecturers now. I think it helps take the school in a much more expansive and modern direction and I hope to see how/if any of that plays out in the story.
Thanks for sharing more awesome writing!
WHAT?! OH MY GOD THIS CHAPTER TOOK A TURN FROM AMUSING TO UTTERLY TERRIFYING. Branwen... what? Please explain. :P I want to know what it means that the silver comb is still in Victoire's pocket. Is that an omen of death? Or something else? Did she really give back the silver comb to the Banshee, or was that a trick of some kind? I hope this develops more throughout the story because it's so interesting and I want to explore the concept of coming across a Banshee and then having the thing you returned remain with you. It's creepy and horrifying and a total mind game! I am totally here for this!
Your description throughout this chapter was magnificent. I felt like I was really adventuring into the Forbidden Forest and coming across the Banshee. I also was as intrigued as Victoire about the silver comb, though my instincts were telling me to go back (like Fred). And I'm curious as to how the Banshee got into the Forbidden Forest, too.
And Fred--Why was he so unnerved? Sure, this isn't a unicorn that they've come across. But is it really superstition, like Victoire assumes? I'm hoping time will reveal these things to me. :)
Of course, this is where I have to take a break (sobs), but I hope to return to this story soon!
Thank you!!! <3 <3 <3