Reviews For Hufflepuff Chalice Winners


Name: Noelle Zingarella (Signed) · Date: 28 Feb 2020 01:24 AM · For: Periphery

Hi! I’m here for CMDC Round 3 :D

 

Beginning a wizarding fic by showing the main character going about her morning in the Muggle fashion is intriguing to say the least. Chloe is enigmatic, and we only get the tip of the iceberg in this teaser opener. I loved your descriptions of the cooking especially as Chloe went through her laundry list of concerns. And my, her concerns are many.

 

The way that you likened the overcooked eggs to burnt flesh and then tied that to James and Lily’s murder was shocking and effective. So we know now that Chloe is friend with the Marauders, and that she has been personally touched by this war. But it seems that her parents are Muggles, and that her mother at least is not friendly to magic—but at the same time, her mother is benefitting from magical potions that help her with her deteriorating memory. 

 

The ease with which Chloe lies is only slightly less interesting than the fact that she seems to be bothered by it. I’m guessing she’s not a Slytherin, although I may be wrong.

 

And what a shocker at the end of the chapter—Marlene is dead, and the last time Chloe saw her, she was fleeing Sirius Black’s Cruciatus Curse *_*

 

Consider me hooked.

 

Nice work!

 

Yours,

Noelle



Name: Crimson Quill (Signed) · Date: 27 Feb 2020 11:04 AM · For: Periphery

 

Hey!

 

I thought this first chapter was interesting. There is something special about it that has really drawn me into the piece. I think it's got this sense of mystery like I'm seeing so many little seeds that have been planted into this chapter. I have a lot of questions already! 

 

I think it's probably the imagery that you're using that has drawn me in. I think the first person is particular effective like her thought process has such a natural flow to it. The way of the description of the surroundings and what she is doing that really builds this mental picture of her life and even the type of person that she is. I think you can already tell that even before Marlene's death news that this is a young woman who wise beyond her years. She has probably saw things that she shouldn't have. She seems to be hiding at her parents place too. I'm not really sure as to why yet. 

 

I love the little clues in the chapter. I'm obsessed with the way that you're describing her feelings when she finds about Marlene's death (and James/Lily too!) that it was all poetic way at writing. I think something that I inspire to be able to capture about emotion like you are able to do. I think that's really special. It makes this piece so compelling and addictive already. THAT ENDING. damn. I need more context now?! I just have to know!

 

I'm really excited that it's going to be an AU so there'll be new details and way to twist the normal marauder tropes. It seems like you're going to do something really different and making of quite a unique concept!

 

Abbi xx

 



Name: clairevergreen (Signed) · Date: 04 Feb 2020 02:36 AM · For: Periphery

Hey!! Back again for the CMDC event :)

 

 

Marlene totally knows. She so knows that they're into each other and if they weren't so wrapped up in each other, it'd be so obvious. I can take the slow burn if it comes with chapter after chapter of Marlene being the world's most obvious matchmaker.

 

God, I really just want to shake Sirius. I'm really hoping he's just that oblivious (and maybe a little nervous?) and genuinely doesn't see what a massive idiot he's being around Chloe. Especially coupled with Lily's later comment about him not being ready, I think he really does think he's helping, but my god, dude. Tact would be nice sometimes lol.

 

You had me so wrapped up in the relationship side of this story that I almost managed to forget about the war and everything else. Chloe's reaction to hearing the news was so perfect. Obviously she's panicked about something happening to her parents, but at the same time, how hard must it be to have the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally be so clearly uncomfortable with something that's so integral to you as a person?

 

I love the universe you've created so much, Sarah! I can't wait to dive deeper!!

 



Name: MadiMalfoy (Signed) · Date: 04 Feb 2020 02:33 AM · For: Collateral

And now we’re up to the last posted chapter! :( 

 

[Live review booting up]

 

Considering this chapter is titled “A Lesson in Control,” I have some major worries that someone else is going to get hurt or killed again, and I do not like it! I’m happy to see that Theo is defrosting a bit and speaking with Hermione again, and doing their weird dating-but-not-dating-hand-holding thing a lot. I DON’T LIKE POISONING, THIS IS NOT FUN NO MA’AM. SIX GRYFFINDORS POISONED AT BREAKFAST? NOT COOL, EMILY, NOT COOL!

 

OOOH DADA PRACTICAL? HELL YEAH I’M EXCITED NOW! This sounds super cool and I wonder if it’s to have more practical application for the spells they’ll use for their N.E.W.T. exam or for real life aka fighting in the War. Oooh Kingsley and Emmeline Vance the AURORS are here?? OOOH YEAH! This is such a fantastic idea, oh my god, I love this so much it is so fitting for the time and the class and yes just so much yes! That’s a little positive for such an unforgivable curse, but hey, it’s going to be a great lesson so whatever. The idea of the consent forms and the lack of attachment to grades for class and the ability to leave if triggered is SO GOOD, Emily, and super helpful and inclusive of all students’ backgrounds and emotional states, so kudos to you for specifically including all of that stuff! 

 

The way you’ve had each of the participants describe their experiences is unique to each person, but still covers the same material, which is very skillful! Kingsley is clearly impressed with Hannah Abbott’s throwing off of the curse, but I have to wonder if he sort of expected Harry to be able to do it because he knows Harry much better. At any rate, it was good to see Hermione do a half-decent job throwing it off and explaining how it felt. If Draco had participated, that would have felt out of character for him, so I’m glad you gave him a good reason for not participating. Overall, this was a really really neat chapter and I look forward to seeing what happens next when you update! :) 

 

~Madi



Name: MadiMalfoy (Signed) · Date: 04 Feb 2020 02:13 AM · For: Collateral

Hi again, Emily!

 

IT’S TIME FOR DRACO AND HERMIONE HONEST CONVERSATION WOOO! Yes, we love a good meaty conversation and a meaty chapter in this house. The candor with which both Draco and Hermione are speaking while in the Room of Requirement “hideout” is refreshing to read. TBH, Hermione is a little *too* trusting of Draco right off the bat, regardless of his words, because he’s always been fairly decent at manipulating people, his tattered reputation after Half-Blood Prince being disregarded. The emotional availability Draco shows Hermione is a little surprising at first, but after realizing just how much shit he’s had to deal with over the last couple of months at school, constantly being harassed about being a Death Eater and almost killing Dumbledore, I’m sure he’s just grabbing onto any positive emotional response from Hermione that he can. 

 

Hermione’s resolution to force Ron and Harry to join in her truce with Draco is one part smart/logical and one part emotional/safety insurance, I’m sure. She can’t do things in secret all of the time, and she’s already high profile with being Head Girl and kinda-sorta-maybe being with Theo, so she figures it’s all best out in the open with her best friends. And she brings him to Theo too, so they can get past some of their issues concerning Urquhart’s death and Draco’s Death Eater association and whatnot. Not the cleanest ending, but with Theo, he’s got a huge grudge that I don’t really blame him for, but there’s the promise of civility at least, which is a start. Great chapter, I loved the emotional impact this one had! 

 

~Madi



Name: MadiMalfoy (Signed) · Date: 04 Feb 2020 01:51 AM · For: Collateral

Okay, there’s a lot going on in this chapter! The tone of this story is definitely transitioning to something much darker than it started out as in chapter one, and I think that you’ve done it subtly enough that it’s really only shocked us with Hart’s death two chapters ago into that more frightening area of realizing just how close the War really is, and that anyone, really, can become collateral damage ( ;) ). Describing how Theo is processing his grief compared to Hermione is done with a gentle touch, and that I really liked. Ooh, and we’re paralleling this with the boys discovery of the real Slytherin’s Locket (hopefully) that Regulus copied and Harry found with Dumbledore the previous year. Nice! I was very curious to see how much of the Deathly Hallows canon info and plots you were going to incorporate into this, and this was a pleasant surprise to read about! 

 

In my honest opinion, I feel it’s definitely more productive of the Trio to be continuing their search this way, at Hogwarts, with all of those resources available to them, and regular schoolwork to do to keep them focused if they aren’t making progress on finding the Horcruxes. The decision for only Ron and Harry to go to Grimmauld Place over the winter holidays to look for the locket while Hermione stays behind at Hogwarts is one I’m sure is very necessary for future events, so I look forward to finding out just what will happen when they’re split up! 

 

QUIDDITCH TIME, YEAH! Thank you for putting some positivity into this chapter -- Quidditch is never not a fun thing to read about in fic, and I love the strategizing and heated discussion Harry and Ron are having about their opponents as the game gets underway. I forgot that Luna canonically takes over the announcer position after Lee Jordan graduates, so that was a fun thing to highlight as well! And we end with a secluded Hermione and Draco conversation about to happen in the Room of Requirement. Anything can happen! [insert scream emoji here]

 

~Madi



Name: MadiMalfoy (Signed) · Date: 04 Feb 2020 01:23 AM · For: Collateral

I can’t believe Hart is gone! We barely got to know him [insert sob emoji here] This is a very heavy chapter, wow. I mean, I knew there would be grief and pain, but this blindsided me, Emily. It’s extremely worrisome that Urquhart was killed in the middle of Hogsmeade in broad daylight, yet no one actually saw it happen. Hermione and Theo essentially being zombies after returning to Hogwarts is written very realistically, and I’m glad you had them go find the other Slytherins. It’s always better to process grief in groups, especially when the deceased was everyone’s friend. It also makes sense that they would be skeptical of Hermione’s opinion on Draco’s role in this terrible event, but she’s very aware of her position as an outsider and takes her leave. Harry, Ron, and Ginny give her the support they can, but they knew him even less than Hermione did, but they are also grieving to some extent considering it’s one of their peers. What a horrible, horrible thing to nearly witness from Hermione and Theo’s point of view, especially as Hermione isn’t quite yet familiar with facing death directly. Malfoy’s crazed shouting about his innocence and disheveled appearance is concerning but also logical as he was last seen fighting with said deceased and will therefore be the first accused. I’m very curious to see what they will find out about Hart’s death and how it happened, and then the potential consequences of that information. Onwards!

 

~Madi



Name: clairevergreen (Signed) · Date: 04 Feb 2020 12:43 AM · For: Periphery

Hey! Back for the CMDC event :)

 

I love Marlene so much it's not even funny. I almost wish that we could get some of her POV because I just really really want to know what she thinks of Chloe in her own words, you know? Not that it isn't obvious that she likes her and actually wants to be her friend, but it'd just be something neat (spinoff spinoff spinoff).

 

Yaaassss. The slow burn is actually starting to burn now. Oh, my god, I cannot wait for this to get going. Chloe clearly has it so bad for Sirius, even Lily managed to notice. Or maybe Chloe is the subtle one and Sirius is just as subtle as a freight train. Either way, I'm so hyped for this ship to get sailing, ooo and especially to get Marlene to weigh in on it.

 

Okay. Didn't have to wait as long as I thought lol. 

 

Oh, my god, this is even better than I imagined. The tension, Sarah, the tension. I'm actually grinning like an idiot as Chloe stutters through this conversation. Sirius is such a shit but also so charming at the same time, Chloe must have some kind of superpowers not to immediately blurt out everything she's feeling.

 

Sarah, where did this tension come from?? I'm in love with it. I'd hate it if someone teased me like Sirius is teasing Chloe but I think I need about fifty more chapters of it (but not actually, the slow burn is killing me).

 

I think it's fair to say that these reviews are just going to get more and more shouty as the story goes on lol. I can't wait to read more!!



Name: clairevergreen (Signed) · Date: 04 Feb 2020 12:16 AM · For: Periphery

Hey! Back for the CMDC event :)

 

The mental image of all of them piling themselves into one compartment is just absolutely hysterical to me. Poor Chloe, I probably would've run the other way too if I'd have to squeeze in with all of them. Part of me did kinda hope that she would take James up on his offer, but I guess we gotta ride this slow burn as far as it'll take us ;)

 

I really, really want to be mad at Sirius, I really do. Outing Chloe like that in an entire train station that was probably filled with people like Michael Flint and his friends is just unbelievably cruel no matter what he was trying to do. I do feel for him a little (it must be awful having a mother like that), but still. And honestly, no one tried to stop him?? Not even Marlene? I do give her credit for at least acknowledging that what he did was super shitty, but still.

 

I say this as someone who works outside with animals for a living, but Chloe's Muggle life sounds kind of awful. Not the whole loving parents thing, but definitely the "working outside all summer because she doesn't think she has another choice" thing. I almost wish that Marlene would come and just whisk her away, even for one night so that she could just have a break from all the pretending she does. Marlene seems to be the only person that she can actually attempt to be herself around.

 

And yes, I am kinda hating Sirius, but come on. It's Sirius.

 

Can't wait to be back for more!!



Name: clairevergreen (Signed) · Date: 03 Feb 2020 11:55 PM · For: Periphery

Hey! Back for the CMDC event :)

 

I love you make everything feel just like a normal day. I mean that so sincerely. So much stuff happened in this chapter, but it never felt rushed or too full or anything. It really just felt like we were getting tiny glimpses into Chloe's life and it just feels so natural. I actually feel like I'm part of the story, not just reading on my computer.

 

Honestly, I couldn't tell you if I ship Marlene and Chloe as friends or girlfriends or what but I just love their relationship so incredibly much. Marlene is just so genuinely nice and friendly and it's so clear that she actually cares about Chloe and isn't just hanging out with her because she feels bad about what happened the night they met. And Chloe is so clearly at ease around her, it's so nice to see her opening up to someone even if it's not quite all the way yet.

 

You think the slow burn is killing you??? I am physically dying from this triangle of sorts between the three of them. Sirius so clearly has some kind of feelings for Chloe but then he and Marlene would also be hella cute but then also Chloe obviously has the biggest crush on him and I could keep going around and around in circles all night because I love these three with my whole heart.

 

Sarah, you are killing me and I love it so much. I will be back soon!



Name: MadiMalfoy (Signed) · Date: 03 Feb 2020 09:51 PM · For: Collateral

Hello, I have returned! 

 

Ah, I just love how you’re portraying Hermione and Ginny’s friendship in this novel! They clearly grew very close over the last summer and got past any weird things that may have occurred form Hermione and Ron dancing around their feelings for so long, and are now besties. I love it so much! Ginny doing her work with some help from Hermione is lovely, but she’s also not stupid on her own, so it’s nice that Ginny’s just got Hermione for support so she can excel in her coursework without completely breaking down about it. But of course that quality study and gossiping time can’t last very long with Malfoy lingering around. 

 

I’m very curious to see why Malfoy is so intent on being left alone by everyone while at Hogwarts when it’s almost like he’s trying to stir up trouble anyway. Like, I can understand why he hates the scrutiny and insults and everything from others, but there’s only so much he can do to not be the suspect for a lot of things. I’m glad Hermione was willing to accept his reasons for now, but that she’s still being super cautious about him -- she’s not stupid, and won’t fall for a quick conversation between the two as signifying he’s a changed man. 

 

And then we’ve got Hogsmeade weekend, aw! Pansy yelling at her and Theo was done very well, and I look forward to seeing what the ripple effect of the knowledge of Hermione and Theo being together spreading throughout the school will do. Nooo not Terrance!! OH GOD EMILY, WHAT HAVE YOU SET IN MOTION? 

 

~Madi



Name: MadiMalfoy (Signed) · Date: 03 Feb 2020 07:52 AM · For: Collateral

It’s carnival time!! :D 

 

Ahhh Emily, I loved this so much! So spooky, so fall, so CARNIVAL! Everything simultaneously feeling like it’s falling apart but also coming together while the Prefects put up decorations is a Big Mood that I can completely relate to! I’m honestly so in love with how expansive of an event you made this considering they really only had a single week to get this all planned and approved and materials gathered. Emily. I can NOT get over the BANTER between Theo and Hermione. I. Just. Cannot. It’s too damn cute! Ah, and Ginny and Harry’s reactions are probably very similar to what mine would have been if I could see it for real, because your girl loves a good spoopy carnival. Ron’s pride in what he helped to decorate or set up is so fun to see -- we don’t really get to see Ron be very prideful about things he’s good at in the books aside from chess, so this was a nice little spotlight for him that I really appreciate. Funny how Ron excels at the muggle carnival games in comparison to Ginny, but for Harry and Hermione, it’s a bit of a wash. 

 

That note concerns me, but what concerns me more is that blatantly bizarre behavior from Draco Malfoy! First, the running his hand through his hair move (classic) and then SALUTING Hermione with a two finger salute?! I DON’T TRUST HIM, EMILY! Then again, Theo popped up pretty quick and then Hermione is busy with not-flirting but flirting with Theo, so I guess Draco’s forgotten for the time being. AHHHHHH EMILY YOU DARE! You *dare* to put Theo and Hermione right next to the maze and have them have a relationship talk and *DON’T* have them kiss? RUDE! But I suppose that is tempered by that end with Draco’s disillusionment charm. I’m not a fan, and I fear that he might be manipulating Theo through unknown means that perhaps Theo doesn’t even realize in order to get at Hermione. I know this is theoretically going to be a Draco/Hermione, but man his behavior is so volatile right now I can’t see how that volatilization will turn Hermione to his side in the future. At any rate, I have to sleep, but I’ll be back tomorrow for more! 

 

~Madi



Name: MadiMalfoy (Signed) · Date: 03 Feb 2020 07:23 AM · For: Collateral

I’m back for more, Emily! 

 

Ah, we’re starting off with a time jump now, so we’re well into October if my memory of the previously passed time is correct. I’m happy to learn Hermione had a girl talk with Ginny! We love women supporting women in this house!! Okay, not going to lie, the thing that popped into my head when Theo said “All right, keep your secrets” was the LotR meme with Frodo talking to Gandalf {insert grimacing emoji here]. Which, if anything, made that moment funnier than you even intended, so thanks internet for that brain routing. THEY’RE TOTALLY FLIRTING WITH EACH OTHER THOUGH, COME ON YOU TWO, QUIT DOING THAT! IT’S NOT GOING TO END WELL! Oooh, we’re getting a carnival?? HELL YEAH, EMILY!! I think it’s cute how they call each other partner, like they’re cowboys in the Wild West or something. I’m so excited you had that detail about Hermione’s hair frizzing and puffing up from the heat and humidity during their potion brewing -- it’s a character trait that got lost in the later films, but seeing here is so great! Ah, a fun and boisterous Prefect meeting about the carnival! I’m excited to see what all you plan to have for it! Ah THEO YOU CHEEKY DEVIL! Okay I am super excited about all of the fun things being planned for next chapter, so I’ll see you there shortly!

 

~Madi



Name: MadiMalfoy (Signed) · Date: 03 Feb 2020 07:06 AM · For: Collateral

That cliffhanger was too much!

 

The quick thinking and logicing of how to proceed with this situation between everyone is honestly impressive, and unfortunately tinged with the knowledge of a forthcoming war necessitating such preparedness for difficult situations. I’m just picturing a huge pool of blood that couldn’t possibly come from a single human being, and its highly visible location doing exactly what Theo and Hermione suspect it’s meant to do - start frightening the student population, and plant the seed of worry about the safety of Hogwarts. I enjoyed the spellwork Slughorn did on the blood to test its origin a lot; the detail was great, but it also wasn’t excessively long, given the tense nature of the situation and multiple potential outcomes based on the result. If it’s not Draco trying to wreak chaos and distrust within Hogwarts, then I’m very curious to see who could be another turncoat within Hogwarts. Oh Hermione, sometimes your Gryffindor bravery just isn’t enough when facing off with Malfoy alone! He’s very threatening and rather confrontational, which I feel like he might have grown out of a bit considering the slump he went through the previous year. But then again, perhaps with the mission success, he’s gotten some confidence back and is flaunting it this way. Regardless, onwards I go! 

 

~Madi



Name: MadiMalfoy (Signed) · Date: 03 Feb 2020 06:48 AM · For: Collateral

Hello again!

 

Wow, this is such a fun, happy chapter!While it seems a bit fast (to me) for Hermione to have made such fast friends out of Theo and Garrett, I’m sure you wrote it this way to keep the plot moving without advancing too far along into the school year and running into problems there. Obviously these Slytherins don’t have it out for her or anything, but I’m always cautious as a reader for Hermione when it comes to Slytherins :P Malfoy really is being a git, and I’m very curious to learn more about this clear divide that’s in Slytherin House with the crew who is “with” Malfoy, and those who are not, and how the common room ~aura~ is when there’s tension between the two groups.  It’s so nice to see that Harry and Ron can, in fact, get over their own prejudiced ideas about what it means to be a Slytherin, and have friendly interactions with all of these others. Ooh, I wonder if Ron and Mandy might develop into something.... Hm… to be considered later! Of course Malfoy has to show up and ruin their happy morning. I mean, I know he’s a dramatic man, but geez, Malfoy, cut the antics and dramatized statements and just act like a seventeen year old, bro! Anyway, thanks for that cliffhanger, I’m continuing now!

 

~Madi



Name: MadiMalfoy (Signed) · Date: 03 Feb 2020 06:18 AM · For: Collateral

Hiya :) 

 

Well, Theo is much more of an open book than I thought he would be, considering he is a Slytherin and has that pureblooded heritage and all. I think Hermione can appreciate his openness though, and will come to understand him and be closer to him because of it. Ah, the classic start of term breakfast with the handing out of schedules and a reunion of our Golden Trio. The easy affection Harry and Ginny have is so cute and show they’ve matured significantly even just over the summer with their relationship. Ron lumbering in late and shoveling food into his mouth is very characteristic, love it! Ooh, Ancient Runes class time! I’m so happy you’re choosing to incorporate some class time into this story, and a lesser-known class at that, because I’m always curious to see how others write about classes and what happens during them. Professor Babbling seems to be very into pedagogical practices with the table groups and knowing that everyone wants to chat for a little bit while they get started. I liked meeting Sam and Garrett this chapter -- clearly they’ve kept to themselves over the years, which makes sense why Hermione wouldn’t necessarily know everyone in their year by name, but might recognize their faces at the very least. Harry and Ron’s incredulity at the niceness of these Slytherins is funny, but I do hope Hermione can actually convince them that they’re nice people later on. I’m excited for more ensemble cast moments! 

 

~Madi



Name: MadiMalfoy (Signed) · Date: 03 Feb 2020 06:06 AM · For: Collateral

Hey again!

 

I honestly love the idea of Theodore Nott as Head Boy to Hermione’s Head Girl, mostly because I know he’s a very intelligent character, and they can have such a unique dynamic compared to her with Draco as Head Boy, which is more frequently done, so I’m happy you’ve paired them together for this story. McGonagall being Headmistress and running this meeting as straightforwardly as it goes is so typically McGonagall -- you’ve gotten her character down well already, and we’re only in the third chapter! Ooh I absolutely ADORE this Heads dormitory you’ve described, it sounds gorgeous and warm and welcoming to live in. Even though I’m a fan of Dramione, I honestly am totally here for Theo and Hermione to maybe get together in this fic because honestly they’re very well-matched in lots of areas, and if Crookshanks gives him his seal of approval, then he gets mine too! :P Oh Filch, he never gets any time off, and he can’t even use magic to clean things up. Of course Hermione finds Draco effing *waiting* for her, and he’s his weirdly outspoken self for this interaction, almost like he’s trying to lead her down a dangerous path with him. I don’t trust him one bit! 

 

~Madi



Name: MadiMalfoy (Signed) · Date: 03 Feb 2020 05:49 AM · For: Collateral

Hi Emily!

 

I’m finally back to continue reading this! The speed with which Harry and Ron have their wands raised at Malfoy’s throat is impressive, and also begs the question of their practicing over the summer at the Burrow. I love the verbal sparring all of them participate in, even if it’s not particularly productive for any of them either -- it reminds me they’re still teenagers and prone to fits of stupidity when it comes to saying things they can’t follow through on. I love your reworking of the Sorting Hat’s song that we got in the original books -- it expands on the soon-to-be-raging war that’s coming for all of them, but also speaks to the strength of a unified student body. Love it, and the omens it predicts about Hogwarts. It’s nice to see the DA already talking about protecting themselves and keeping an eye on things as the school year begins at Hogwarts. Ooh, I’m curious to learn more about your two new professors for DADA and Transfiguration in later chapters! See you next chapter :) 

 

~Madi



Name: RonsGirlFriday (Signed) · Date: 03 Feb 2020 12:12 AM · For: Liar

Hi Chiara! Here for the CMDC review event round 2!


I think this is a very interesting spin you’re taking on the Marauders, with Peter ingratiating himself with James and Sirius first and Remus being more of the outsider. Remus’s reluctance does make a lot of sense considering his lycanthropy and his fear of being rejected for that.


I found it fascinating that Remus’s natural instincts -- the wolf, in his mind -- are telling him that James and Sirius are dangerous. That’s an interesting layer. The argument among the four of them where Remus is calling James a coward -- or apparently he had done it earlier -- was a little confusing at first, but after a while I gathered that Remus had called James that because James bullies other kids? And I was a little confused when suddenly Sirius asks him, “Did we pass the exam?” I see that from there, Remus seems to accept that they want to be friends with him, or are willing to be friends, which is good that he comes around to believing that -- I do wish that maybe this section had been expanded a little more so we can understand how he goes to quickly from accusing James of bullying other students, to accepting the tentative offer of friendship. Perhaps a little more of James and Sirius’s promising words or actions towards him?


I enjoyed this glimpse at the other Marauders trying to work out Remus’s monthly disappearances. I like that James finally got to frustrated with the mystery that he decided to start keeping notes! I thought you did a great job with this scene and the discussion among them, all their different ideas on how to go about bringing it up. I sort of wished we had seen the scene where they all confront him about the truth, but I did like the touching moment where they follow him when he runs away and they declare that they accept him.


"So, Remus. We were thinking..." James started.

"Why don't I like it at all when you say it, James?"

"Because you are a boring killjoy.”


^Ahahaha! I absolutely love that exchange! I also loved, “Supreme Seer and King of Ill Omen.”


What an amazingly thoughtful birthday gift from Peter’s friends! I like that you’ve made Peter a chess person. This, along with his aptitude for observing people and absorbing information about them, says a lot about him, I think. He comes across as thoughtful. Certainly not a stupid person.


Oh my gosh, the poetry draught is so clever of you! That bit was so fun to read! :D I am so amused by the thought of McGonagall walking around speaking in rhyming verse in spite of herself.


I loved the end of this chapter, “The wolf could be happy.”

 

Melanie



Name: RonsGirlFriday (Signed) · Date: 02 Feb 2020 11:38 PM · For: Liar

Hi Chiara! Here for the CMDC review event round 2!


No matter what Peter became when he was older, I do feel bad for young Peter, and I feel that way for him here, trying to fit in and not being one to make friends too easily. You do a good job here of capturing the awful awkwardness of a first day of school when you don’t know anybody and they seem to all know each other already. It’s a terrible feeling. I am interested to learn more about his Yaxley family connections and why his mother was cut off from the family. Was his father a Muggle? Or just from a less desirable family?


It makes a lot of sense to me, in light of all that, that Peter would want to be in Gryffindor because he’s clinging to the thought of Remus being his friend.


I thought you did a very interesting thing with the Hat asking Peter what if Remus were to disappoint him -- because from canon we know it to be the other way around! So I liked that, very ironic.


I especially like how much attention and description you have paid to Peter being observant. In the glimpses we saw of him in canon, he did seem to always be very much on the sidelines, watching other people, and I think with his personality as you’re writing it here it makes sense he would be in the habit of watching other people and learning things about their mannerisms. That seems like something that will prove to his advantage later. This was also a nice way for you to give us a lot of information about several other characters, while still feeling natural!


I was pleasantly surprised to see Peter pluck up the courage to approach James and Sirius, and I’m looking forward to seeing how this friendship unfolds!

 

Melanie



Name: RonsGirlFriday (Signed) · Date: 02 Feb 2020 10:28 PM · For: Liar

Hi Chiara! I'm here (finally!) with your forum request!

 

I am pleased to see a story centered around Peter. I mean, as much as I dislike him in canon, there's a lot to be explored about his background. I like the idea you've created that Remus and Peter knew each other as children. This, I think, will add an interesting dynamic to the Marauders.

 

The part where Remus's mother is locking him in the garage is so heartbreaking, I swear I wanted to cry. What an awful, horrific image, this child being locked in a dark, soundproofed garage, to experience unthinkable pain and anguish. You don't even have to go into the actual transformation itself, because this heartwrenching scene and the anticipation of knowing what's to come is bad enough.

 

The separation of the two boys is so sad and makes me eager to see them reunited at Hogwarts, even though I know the awful truth that comes several years later (except...perhaps in your story it doesn't? since this is a set up to your AU creation?)

 

I like the glimpses of them over the years and look forward to seeing how this plays out in each chapter!

 

<3 Melanie



Name: RonsGirlFriday (Signed) · Date: 02 Feb 2020 08:18 PM · For: Goodbye, Jus

Hi Chiara! Here for the CMDC review event round 2!


I can hardly explain what it is I love so much about this fic. It’s a really nice execution of this idea, this little group of friends over the years coming to terms with their respective feelings for one another, their confusion, their jealousy, their longing. How quickly in a group of three, when two become closer, one is suddenly alone.


I like how you’ve formatted this, with Justin’s and each of the girls’ thoughts towards one another, but I noticed you didn’t do any between Hannah and Susan, and I really liked that, actually. It adds to this idea, this feeling, of Justin being on the outside.


Your choice to start it out with a moment from Year 7 was a great one, and it really hooked me and made me want to understand what was going on. And how gorgeously you did it, too. I love that paragraph where he talks about how he might have studied maths if he hadn’t gone to Hogwarts, and reflects upon the things they still don’t know each other after all these years. I get such a good sense of Justin from this section, and the part where he’s studying Arithmancy. Seems quite a thoughtful, intelligent, generally sensible boy who’s struggling with his feelings for two people he really cares about.


The part during Year Four at the Yule Ball, so nicely done, a subtle climax where the problem crystallizes and the reader can really see where the crack forms in this trio.


The ending is bittersweet. I’m glad he told her but I feel so badly for him. And I felt Hannah handled it just as well as she could have, especially realizing that it would not have done either of them any favors to tell him that things might have been different (especially if she doesn’t know whether that was true).


There is a wistful sort of tone throughout this, a feeling of regret but also acceptance, and a determination by all three of these people to remember the good times they had together even though everything became so difficult. And here is where I get to the things that brought me to read this, which is that we are reviewing fics that have been made into podfics, and I listened to the podfic of this one. Emma always does such a fantastic job with podfics, and this is no exception. I think she really brought the tone of this story to life. When she reads it, it sounds like a memory. The changes in tone and each character’s voice from section to section are subtle but she captures them. The podfic does a lot of justice to this thoughtful meditation on friendship and love.

 

Melanie



Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 02 Feb 2020 10:00 AM · For: Beyond Repair

Hi Renee!  It's been way too long since I got the chance to read this story.

 

I don't know how you manage to capture this relationship so well, but in every single chapter that I read, I feel like I'm on a really bumpy journey with Petunia and Lily, seeing the peaks and troughs in their relationship as they're growing up together.  It's so sad because of the start that they had, when the two were so close - but I'm getting much more sympathetic towards Petunia from reading this.

 

I loved the way that you set this chapter at a seemingly happy time - the family on holiday, playing on the beach and building sandcastles.  It sounds so idyllic, but in reality it's the setting for something that's tinged with sadness, at least for Petunia.  I feel like when I'm reading this I get a much deeper understanding of how she feels and the way that she acts towards Lily and Harry later in life.  Even though Lily doesn't mean to be that way, from the moment that Petunia finds out her sister is a witch and she isn't, she's gradually left out of more and more things.

 

Even little things like the fact they can't afford to buy Petunia things that she wants because they're saving the money for Lily's school things make sense for Petunia becoming more jealous and upset about the situation - it's so unfair to her, as she sees it.

 

The building of Hogwarts in the sand was adorable, but I thought the ending, with it being washed away, said something about their relationship and the state that it's in - beyond repair, maybe.  I'm not sure they're quite at that point yet, but it's heartbreaking to see the friendship between the sisters crumbling, especially because we know it's pretty much inevitable.

 

Sian :)



Name: LadyMarauder (Signed) · Date: 02 Feb 2020 09:50 AM · For: Beyond Repair

Ohh we finally get to see Severus and Lily's friendship with someone other than Petunia. It was really great to see the dynamic between Lily and Snape and Petunia's inner thoughts as an older child, which I really loved. She seems quite bitter about both Lily having these abilities and that she has another friend, even though she tries to persuade herself that she doesn't even like Lily. Though I loved getting her opinion about it all and how she at first though magic was cool, but then when she realised she wouldn't be able to go, she suddenly decided she hated it.

 

Snape was an interesting one. I thought he was quite possessive over her already and Petunia go it right when she thought he was a bit creepy. Looking at Lily in that kind of greedy way he's known for in the books. It seems like his home life is so bad he's just desperate for attention from anyone. He loves being the one to tell her all about magic, almost like Petunia loved being the one to teach Lily how to ride a bike. 

 

I love that even at such a young age, Lily thought about Severus not eating that she brought them both a picnic. His home life sounds horrendous especially when he got those wand burns - I mean who does that to a child?!

 

Though I thought it was very interesting he learned an Unforgivable Curse and thought it was cool. Does that mean he's seen it being performed because if he has, no wonder he's so invested in the Dark Arts as he grows up at Hogwarts. That's completely disgusting if he has seen it being performed. I liked that Lily wasn't impressed with it though, it definitely shows their contrasting characters.

 

I really love this story and think you've created a fantastic world through the eyes of children.

 

Tasha xx 

 



Name: LadyMarauder (Signed) · Date: 02 Feb 2020 09:24 AM · For: Beyond Repair

Oh my word, this was a great chapter!!!

 

The first dialogue between Lily and Petunia says a lot about how the characters are growing and developing as they get a little older, with Petunia snapping at Lily in case she shows her up in front of her friends. This really mirrors how Petunia is in her adult life with making sure she puts on a front for their neighbours in Privet Drive, 

 

I like that you are choosing to write about moments that are so important to children - learning to ride a blke and now hosting a sleepover, which is so exciting for young girls.

 

After Petunia's friends decided Lily was too little to play with them, she was so cruel to Lily - kids can be little rogues, especially to their siblings, though I didn't like that Lily got the blame for it, bless her. It felt just so unfair, which I guess is just like a child would feel, so I think you pulled this off really well.

 

I really felt for Lily when she was in bed and could hear Petunia and all her friends having so much fun and felt left out. I loved that she stood up to the bullies for Petunia, even though it would have been the last thing her big sister wanted her to do in front of her friends. Again a very Gryffindor trait and I think you've written Lily so well throughout this chapter.

 

I loved again that you've incorporated Lily's magic here, though this time she's performing it on Petunia! It's clear that Lily feels more angry at her sister than the bullies, which is why, despite Lily feeling scared at the game Petunia kept rising! I remember playing that game as a kid, so it felt very real!

 

It's now clear that Petunia knows Lily has some kind of magical talent at the end. I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes as Petunia is already snapping at her and calling her names. 

 

Tasha xx 



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